Death Cougar... and the past

[Guest for now]

That's understandable. And I don't know anything about her like is this a pattern of her invalidating you or is this out of character.
Would telling her that what she said upset you help to repair this fallout?

She knows she upset me, because I said she wasn't helping and hung up.

Invalidating is not in character. She is usually a good listener. What is in character is that she doesn't understand the difference between real trauma and just someone having a bad day. I guess this is not someone I can reach out to when actually in a trauma state.

There have been other times like this, actually. When she said something sort of as a crass joke, about how maybe I was responsible for some horrible thing happening, not realizing she was triggering serious trauma. But she knows enough of my history that she should know. It feels like I need to downgrade this friendship to "fair weather" which hurts because we have been friends for so long.

 

[Guest for now]

That seems a really sensible idea. Because it has brought to the surface past trauma and like you say this incident is traumatic in itself. There could be a lot of healing that comes out from all of this.

I'll see if I can find someone. Right now I can't afford anything longterm, but I could handle a few sessions.
This had already been a long day, before this happened.
That poor, poor kitty. I don't know how she can survive.
I wish I had enough money to have a house with a catio, I would have several cats and spoil them rotten.

 

[Guest for now]

Someone somehow managed to scare a cougar away from its prey. You are a good ally for your neighbour's cat to have.

Thank you.

 

[ms spock]

You have been wonderful, and if this is how you are when hanging on by a thread, you are quite amazing.

That's very kind of you to say. There's a famous Buddhist who says the first time he talks to a friend who has a problem. He focuses on listening. Listening and being supportive. He would never give advice or judge during that first listening.

In Australia, our Indigenous Peoples throughout their nations and countries call this "Deep Listening" by Miriam-Rose Ungunmerr-Baumann.

You helped me see this incident differently. I couldn't think, in the moment, whom to reach out to.

You were in fight, flight, freeze or fawn. The pre frontal cortex had shut down. Fighting off a COUGAR! Most folks don't do this.

Thank you both of you

@Movingforward10 is a solid one. YVW!

Here would have been better.

Folks going through it can be useful.

for showing me that the perspective that I am a horrible person because of this is not universal truth.

This is one of the major points: you are not a horrible person because this is not universal truth. No matter what our abusers told us.

 

[gorgonzola]

That poor, poor kitty. I don't know how she can survive.

I hope her injuries were superficial and nothing critical got punctured. Maybe she was in freeze, making it look worse than it was.

She does also have @Guest for now's candle prayers, let's not forget.

 

[Guest for now]

That's very kind of you to say. There's a famous Buddhist who says the first time he talks to a friend who has a problem. He focuses on listening. Listening and being supportive. He would never give advice or judge during that first listening.

In Australia, our Indigenous Peoples throughout their nations and countries call this "Deep Listening" by Miriam-Rose Ungunmerr-Baumann.

I understand what you mean. It should be an integral part of being human. Some have lost that along the way. Thank you for your humanity.

When looking for crisis services the one that looked most promising was based on an Inuit tradition that sounds much like that. But I couldn't make a decision.

The pre frontal cortex had shut down. Fighting off a COUGAR!

That is actually a textbook definition of trauma, isn't it?

I feel calmer. Mostly really, really sad for kitty. And shocked about my friend. But less like it's the end of the world and it's all my fault.

 

[Guest for now]

She does also have @Guest for now's candle prayers, let's not forget.

I also reached out to a cat site I participate in, to ask them to join in.