Crazy Cat Lady
New Here
Hi,
I am quite anxious about posting this but I'll try my best.
I've been volunteering at a mindfulness course. I haven't been participating in the short meditations as I have PTSD and worried it will trigger a flashback.
The facilitator (a trained counsellor) noticed how I don't join in and I just said my brain runs away with me sometimes.
I emailed her and asked if we can have a chat before the group next week and she said of course. I then thought it would be easier to email a brief outline as may struggle to vocalise the topic to start the conversation; she said that's absolutely fine and gave me her number and said to feel free to write or call before next week and she's here to help. I wrote a brief email with bullet points and said I wonder how I can use meditation without triggering a flashback (was honest about the PTSD diagnosis but couldn't say the cause) and told her I don't feel comfortable to be alone with male service users. She emailed back and said she truly appreciates how hard this was for me and that she has to share some info with the safe guarding officer so they know not to leave me alone with male service users and to help me feel safe. She said to be assured it will be treated with the utmost care and respect.
I met her last week before the group and when I arrived she had already set up the room so all I had to do after was get the refreshments.
It was a hard chat but she was very understanding. She guided the conversation and agreed meditation in a group isn't safe for me at the moment. We then had a chat about me not being alone with male service and thankfully she didn't ask details although from what she was saying, I felt she knew. We spoke about how I felt my therapy wasn't working and she said I know this is unethical (she paused a little) and said I wish I could work with you. I do feel I may need to change therapists and she mentioned client focused therapy. She asked if anyone had used any creative therapy; I said yes when I was in hospital. I was honest about my admissions when I was younger with anorexia. I said it helped me cope when I didn't eat and all I could think about was good. I said all they did was feed me.
She asked if she can tell the other lady who is there on a Friday not to leave me alone with male service users as well, I agreed as she didn't go into details.
I spoke about how I have physical pain, she asked where and I said my pelvis. She warned me she was going to be talking about pain and I can go out at anytime.
She didn't leave me on my own, at all. She even came with me to the office to get the clipboards. She has to rush off soon after and the other lady had gone. She stayed with me to tidy up even though the service users in the group had gone.
After the break, they did a body scan meditation. I didn't join in and tried to keep grounded. However when the voice spoke about the pelvic region and sensations you currently feel, I had to go out. I felt sick; I locked myself in the toilet and tried to look around but there's not much to look at. I came back in when it had finished. She had a chat after with me and said did I have a moment, I nodded and said I felt sick. She said do I have info on grounding and flashbacks, I said yes.
She said she doesn't want to put me through anything that's too difficult. She said to come and help with set up as normal and then I can decide if I want to stay or I can go home and that's absolutely fine.
She said she's doing another course and asked how far away I am from that venue, I said I'm only 10 mins away. I said they don't let me drive to therapy as they worry about me driving home distracted.
She seemed really really considerate and didn't leave me at all on my own.
I said I still blame myself and I think she knew what I was referring to.
She's said she's worked at rape crisis and woman's aid and has dealt a lot with flashbacks etc.
I do feel she knows what causes the PTSD.
Do you think she suspects? I am so anxious.
Thank you in advance,
I am quite anxious about posting this but I'll try my best.
I've been volunteering at a mindfulness course. I haven't been participating in the short meditations as I have PTSD and worried it will trigger a flashback.
The facilitator (a trained counsellor) noticed how I don't join in and I just said my brain runs away with me sometimes.
I emailed her and asked if we can have a chat before the group next week and she said of course. I then thought it would be easier to email a brief outline as may struggle to vocalise the topic to start the conversation; she said that's absolutely fine and gave me her number and said to feel free to write or call before next week and she's here to help. I wrote a brief email with bullet points and said I wonder how I can use meditation without triggering a flashback (was honest about the PTSD diagnosis but couldn't say the cause) and told her I don't feel comfortable to be alone with male service users. She emailed back and said she truly appreciates how hard this was for me and that she has to share some info with the safe guarding officer so they know not to leave me alone with male service users and to help me feel safe. She said to be assured it will be treated with the utmost care and respect.
I met her last week before the group and when I arrived she had already set up the room so all I had to do after was get the refreshments.
It was a hard chat but she was very understanding. She guided the conversation and agreed meditation in a group isn't safe for me at the moment. We then had a chat about me not being alone with male service and thankfully she didn't ask details although from what she was saying, I felt she knew. We spoke about how I felt my therapy wasn't working and she said I know this is unethical (she paused a little) and said I wish I could work with you. I do feel I may need to change therapists and she mentioned client focused therapy. She asked if anyone had used any creative therapy; I said yes when I was in hospital. I was honest about my admissions when I was younger with anorexia. I said it helped me cope when I didn't eat and all I could think about was good. I said all they did was feed me.
She asked if she can tell the other lady who is there on a Friday not to leave me alone with male service users as well, I agreed as she didn't go into details.
I spoke about how I have physical pain, she asked where and I said my pelvis. She warned me she was going to be talking about pain and I can go out at anytime.
She didn't leave me on my own, at all. She even came with me to the office to get the clipboards. She has to rush off soon after and the other lady had gone. She stayed with me to tidy up even though the service users in the group had gone.
After the break, they did a body scan meditation. I didn't join in and tried to keep grounded. However when the voice spoke about the pelvic region and sensations you currently feel, I had to go out. I felt sick; I locked myself in the toilet and tried to look around but there's not much to look at. I came back in when it had finished. She had a chat after with me and said did I have a moment, I nodded and said I felt sick. She said do I have info on grounding and flashbacks, I said yes.
She said she doesn't want to put me through anything that's too difficult. She said to come and help with set up as normal and then I can decide if I want to stay or I can go home and that's absolutely fine.
She said she's doing another course and asked how far away I am from that venue, I said I'm only 10 mins away. I said they don't let me drive to therapy as they worry about me driving home distracted.
She seemed really really considerate and didn't leave me at all on my own.
I said I still blame myself and I think she knew what I was referring to.
She's said she's worked at rape crisis and woman's aid and has dealt a lot with flashbacks etc.
I do feel she knows what causes the PTSD.
Do you think she suspects? I am so anxious.
Thank you in advance,
