Cousin's Funeral

[bluecat]

Hi Jestadud,

I am sorry about your cousin. I am also sorry that you're having such a difficult dilemma due to your previous encounter with your cousins. I don't have a good advice, sorry, but wanted to say, good luck with this, I know how tough this can be. I feel clueless about these types of situation, but Junebug's suggestions sound very insightful. I should jot them down for future reference. Glad to hear your wife can join you.

Good luck,
Bluecat

 

[Jestadud]

Thanks for the support and bearing with me through my bit of a panic attack. Thought you would like to know how it went.

My wife went to the service with me, I picked her up at work on the way there and dropped her back at work afterwards. When we got to the Crematorium there was a lot of people already there and when I say a lot I mean that the place had people out directing traffic for parking!

As we all funnelled into the Chapel we were directed around the seating which was full and had to stand around the edges of the room, there were even people standing behind the speaker at the front. It was all you could do to nod or give a little wave to those family members you saw and recognised.

When the service first started I did feel terribly exposed standing along the side and I was a bit panicky, but as it went along it was such a nice service with lots of humour because that's what my cousin was like. By the time his play out music of "All Ways Look On The Bright Side Of Life" by Eric Idle had finished everyone was walking out smiling.

No mention was made about anything weird I might have done before as I spoke to all my cousins there individually, it was a good day and my cousin would have been proud of it.

 

[Tinyflame]

And proud of you too Jesta, that's so great. Glad to hear it went so well.

 

[ms spock]

Dear jestadud,

I hope your wife is able to go. If not, do you have a buddy that can come with you. A supportative friend in these situations can be invaluble.

And remember the cousins may have crossed their arms as you approached because they were talking about something embarassing that they didn't want you to know about. I, too, I am supersensitive as well. But sometimes other people's reactions have nothing to do us. This may or may not be helpful but it is a different thought.

I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin,

Best Wishes,
ms spock

 

[seedling]

What a great outcome, so different in so many ways than what you were visualizing. Glad it was about your cousin and not just about keeping yourself there and functioning, too. Nice for your wife to be there for you.

We just went to the live show of "Spamalot." Was fantastic and that song was great.

Hey, I was sick of the yelling guy anyway.
Take care :)

 

[Jestadud]

Thanks Ms Spock, I hope that you see that I did go and everything went well.

The arms folded thing was a joke or a comic gesture it was friendly and done in fun, but dear old ptsd meant I reacted to it strangely then thanks to all the training in therapy about becoming aware of how the body is behaving it was like I became distracted by checking it out.
It was something like seeing a fire so you go towards it and get hot so you back away till you become colder then go forward again to just check if it's still that hot.

seedling, you still have someone yelling, (or screaming anyway) but at least this one you want to put an arm round his shoulder instead of your hands round his throat!

 

[bluecat]

So happy it all went so well Jestadud : ) This sounds like a wonderful way to honor your cousing and say goodbye. I am proud of you, that you made it there!
Bluecat

 

[lonetree]

I proud of you Justadud for not allowing the fear of symptoms keep you away from the celebration of your cousins life. Really glad you wife could make it to.