Coworker Conflict

[Bookoffee]

I work for a mental health agency and I had to report a coworker to Human Resources. She couldn't talk to anyone without dropping the f-bomb. She would mock other coworkers and clients.

She would be so loud that I would have to plug my ear while on the phone with clients, sometimes having to put them on hold to ask her to quiet down.

We had group supervision and my boss address it to the group that there is to be no more swearing or mocking.

Last month I have been Dx with necrosis-osteonecrosis. Basically blood is not getting to my knees properly and the tissue and bone is dying. I will have surgery in 6 months once I can afford it. Until then I can't walk without a cane or leaning against the wall and sliding down the hallway.

When my knees are in great amount of pain, I will ask a coworker if they could walk to the copier or fax to grab my paperwork.

This person I wrote to HR about complained about me today. She was complaining that I was taking too much time away from the others by asking them to grab my paperwork.

My supervisor wrote me up and told me that I can no longer ask for help because there is no documentation stating that I need help.

I can't believe how low they are going. I cry almost everyday due to the pain. I don't know how much I can take.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

That is so unfair, @Bookoffee . I'm very sorry to hear people at work are treating you like this. Especially since you are already suffering so much from the illness.

You were completely right to report that coworker to HR. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for someone like that to try to retaliate. It is petty and childish, but it happens.

The biggest problem I can see based on your story is the lack of direct and respectful communication. You report one person, they find an opportunity to report you, and so on. That's no way to work together.

Is there any way you can still get that documentation about your illness and how it affects your ability to walk? It might be a good idea to have a one on one conversation with your supervisor about what's going on. Perhaps you can even organise a moment when you explain to all your coworkers what you are going through and that you would be grateful if they can help you out sometimes. Ask about their opinions, because it will make them feel recognised and more valued.

I do not have much experience with this, but this is what I would do. I hope my suggestions are helpful.

I hope things will get better for you soon.

 

[desiderata310]

OK.. this is where dealing with folks in HR come in hand.
Go to your doctor and DOCUMENT the problem with your knees.
Have it filed as a disability- even temporary.
Make em buy you a printer.
If that woman so much as hiccups in your direction report her ass EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Make HR rue the day. HR is not your friend but you can make them work for you. DO IT.

Shit like that pisses me off.

 

[shimmerz]

People can be such a*holes. This defies all common sense and reasoning. Makes me happy I am me -- baggage and all.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Get documentation from your treating physician stating your disability and accomodations you need in order to work. The word 'disability' has to be in the document. Under the Anerican with Disability Act, you are entitled to "reasonable accomodations" in order to perform your job. Your supervisor already has violated your rights.i guarantee you that without that documentation, they will make your life a living hell. I lived through years of being poisoned at work. My two supervisors got fired when I became too ill to work due to their failure to accomodate me. I got some money, too.

Now, here's where it gets sticky. Generally the employer gets to decide what is or isn't "reasonable". For instance, they might not agree to buy you a motorized chair or move your office, but I would think setting you up so you don't have to walk so much would be reasonable. Your doctors letter should specifically address your limitations in walking. Trust me, they will block every request you make that is not stated by your doctor.

If you get harassed and denied accomodation you can get free legal help from the Disability Rights Center in your state. Every state has one to help disabled citizens get their rights. Any condition that has the term necrosis in it is very serious. I am so sorry that you are suffering with that. Christ, wouldn't you think a frigging mental health facility would be compassionate. I had the misfortune of working at a catholic hospital and they almost killed me-literally I am not kidding. Employers want employees that are flexible and don't require their attention as managers like to sit and drink coffee all day and leave early. God forbid they actually work for a living. I also recommend you keep a journal of interactions with management. Who did or said what and when. You have rights!!!!!!

 

[ms spock]

This person I wrote to HR about complained about me today. She was complaining that I was taking too much time away from the others by asking them to grab my paperwork.

My supervisor wrote me up and told me that I can no longer ask for help because there is no documentation stating that I need help.

Don't take it personally - your supervisor is making sure that you have long term help by making sure that you have everything documented by your doctor - in the end this will work out in your favour. It is a strategic and clever thing to do because then the unreasonable person can't make trouble for you or for your supervisor. Systems are in place exactly for this reason - so reasonable accommodation is not at the whim of an inappropriate annoying person.

The supervisor is also covering their own arse which is not unreasonable. The difficult person in your office is probably a big thorn in their side as well. So they have to cross their t's and dot their i's.

Get the documentation stating what your requirements are in great detail. Measure where the printer is and put those specifications in the document. Be very precise. Update as necessary.

When you work with such an inappropriate person - document everything. Do lots of self care. I do lots of personalisation in my thinking - people like that are not out to get you they are usually equal opportunity offenders - they are out to get everyone that they can get a reaction out of - this is no fun - so really look after yourself.

If this person continues to be unpleasant and harassing you could actually explore the idea of putting in a complaint request or disability request for your PTSD that they no longer talk to you directly. I don't know how feasible that this is and you would need to get outside professional advice but it is worth a thought.

Good luck

 

[ms spock]

I work for a mental health agency and I had to report a coworker to Human Resources. She couldn't talk to anyone without dropping the f-bomb. She would mock other coworkers and clients.

And full marks for sticking up for yourself, your co workers and especially your clients, being a whistle blower and sticking up for people's human rights and dignity is stressful and anxiety producing, I know I have done it. So my prescription for you (and totally ignore this as it is just my suggestion for you) is to look in the mirror for 1 to 5 minutes per day and honour your brave soul. People who stand against unfairness, inequity and injustice will save the planet. You can look yourself in eye and acknowledge yourself as one of these people.

 

[Friday]

Ditto... There is an EasyButton solution here: Document.

Look at it from an outside perspective for a moment (if possible) : By writing you up? Your supervisor is showing that she is fair and unbiased, protects you from a harassment charge from your co-worker as well as possible charges of hostile work environment / unfair & in equal treatment... And exactly lays the groundwork for you to rectify the situation.

This is actually a blessing, if your coworker tries to go over your supervisor's head to retaliate against you. Because your file will show your write up (your supervisor isn't treating the two of you differently, 2 matters were brought to her attention and she followed up with both fairly), shows the medical documentation which quashes it, shows the determination & initiative you were taking in not asking for immediate accommodation from your employer (documentation should have start date of Dx to show the weeks/months that you didn't apply for accommodation but took the stress upon yourself instead of shifting it to your job), and makes your coworker look like the ass she is, while protecting both you & your boss.

Your boss actually sounds like a smart cookie for going this route. She's seriously covering your ass... Up front... Instead of waiting until there is a shit storm later with claims of preferential treatment & hostile work environment able to be levied at you.

 

[Bookoffee]

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate what everyone has to offer. I made an appointment with my PCP and my surgeon.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Document, document, document! I agree with all those above who've suggested that this is a disability issues. Also, as former HR, please note that staff are being told to do what they're doing, so don't take it personally. Your co-worker is a jerk! Just go through the process and protect yourself. Shame on them!!!!!!! Best of luck. VB

 

[Bookoffee]

Thank you, @VioletButterfly. It is awkward being in the office because she will swear then go on rant about being told on. I know people swear, I just can't listen to her use F-word constantly, calling coworkers names and mocking clients that need help and don't know how to ask.

Everyone swears once in a while, oh well. Move on. But she won't, she will get the entire office involved because she used profanely. It is uncomfortable and I start to panic.

I am trying to ride the waves until it is over but I feel ashamed and I feel as though I am going deeper and deeper into a black hole.

It is hard to remain strong. I fight all day to keep the panic and tears at bay. I wobble to the rest room so I can put lotion on my hands for aroma therapy. I can't use my lotion in the office any more because it bothers her asthma.

I am tired, sore and want peace and enjoyment in my life. I am so depressed that I haven't bothered to clean my house in weeks. Every time I start to, I freak out and get so overwhelmed that I can't breathe.

I am a mess. My wife and I are always frustrated with each other. I don't talk enough and when I do, she complains about what I say. I am always searching for the right thing to say that I can't figure out who I am.

 

[moonbeam]

:hug:

Everyone has already given you a great suggestion about documentation, and seeing your doctor and all that. Very smart.

On an emotional level try and remember that the swearing and pettiness is her problem. She likely has some sort of self-esteem issue or something going on that she behaves this way to try and make herself look better whether she realises it or not. The important thing is whatever her motivation it ultimately isn't about you, or isn't your problem. And you never know. There might be other employees who agree with you but are too afraid to speak up for fear of retaliation.

What you are doing and going through is tough and you are strong. Try not to let her issues take away from that.