Cptsd - Childhood Abuse, Substance Abuse, Not Sure Why I'm Here

[Innordinate]

Still hesitant to even be posting here.
I've been reading a lot of threads just today and my primary therapist thinks its a good idea to have someplace else to rant/talk besides just him.
I've been dealing with this junk for way too long and hit a wall finally I guess. Now I'm doing my own private rehab / treatment away from my family and everything just seems to get worse and not better.
Going to leave it at that for now. I want to say more I just can't.
Maybe tomorrow.
More tired than anything else.

 

[anthony]

Welcome...

 

[way_back_when]

Hi, Innordinate! Welcome to the forum. I have what would probably be grouped into the CPTSD category as well, but of course am diagnosed with PTSD because the former is not officially in the books. Anyway, I think it's great you're taking this step. I'm new here, too. Mainly, I've been looking around and getting the 'feel' of it all. I'm not sure what to say most of the time, and a lot of that has to do with my energy level, rather because I know there is a lot I could type! I hope you stick around for awhile.

Link Removed

 

[cakey]

I used to deal with substance abuse as well.

It's really hard at first, because when the substances are gone you have to face your mind unfiltered. This takes time but it truly does get better. So much better actually, not worrying about how to bury your mind every day, and instead being able to learn and enjoy yourself(and having real friends around you as well)! Not to say it's all sunshine and gravy trains, but its a huge step forward. Stick around I think you'll feel at home here.

 

[Innordinate]

Yeh, It's like, where do I start?
I think maybe when I start my new meds tomorrow and get the depression and insomnia part under control I could get better. Focus more. But then I thought that 6 months ago. And a year ago. And 5 years ago.
Mostly it's probably just this self-involvement idealism. I want people to understand. Not really what I've gone through but that I'm not going to be the guy everyone wants me to be. Ever.

Took 20 minutes and 3 smokes to even type that. ARGH!

 

[anthony]

Let me just say... there is no such thing as having to live with PTSD symptoms interfering if you really want to improve. Yes, it will always be with you, but how much it affects you is completely changeable for the most part.

 

[cakey]

Innordinate that's actually an important thing your brining up in my experience at least. When I finally got clean I realized how much I was using substances to avoid peoples expectations. So when people passed by they'd think "oh he's a burn-out" or "yea their going nowhere". Or to get my parents/family to give up on me, think less of me, etc. it felt safer to be nothing then to try and ''actualize''.

My advice you don't have to take it, I'm not trying to lecture you because I'm nowhere near perfect. Would be to maybe work on, what you want, and what you need. Other people are important don't get me wrong, but you are important too! It's better to live your life then repress your life to try to appease other people. Chances are repressing yourself is actually taking away from other people, they deserve to meet you, know you, love you. Sure there will be "haters" but don't worry about them(easier said then done I know). "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".

Crap, I just spent 20 minutes writing this and it might be totally irrelevant:oops:. So sorry if it is, I am only trying to share a little light from the beaten path I had to walk with you.

Best wishes. Namaste.

 

[Innordinate]

From what I've read on here I don't think anything can be irrelevant.

 

[Innordinate]

Not Sober - I was great at not letting symptoms interfere with anything. I think they rarely had a chance to surface.
Sober - I suck. Bad.