Undiagnosed CPTSD - seeking community

[leafytrees]

Hi everyone. I'm not formally diagnosed with C-PTSD but it's been on my radar for many years and I experience pretty much all of the symptoms and difficulties. I'm so avoidant and socially anxious that the thought of getting a formal diagnosis terrifies me and I've been putting it off. I deal with a lot of toxic shame. I lost my mother to cancer as a teenager and had to live alone with my abusive father, which was devastating to my development and has left me with a deep rooted fear of relating to and trusting others.

Anyway *breathes*. I'm currently re-reading Pete Walker's book 'Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving' and it feels like a warm hug. I first read it nearly a decade ago and it's been so helpful to remind myself of what healthy healing and relating can look like. One of the suggestions in the book is finding online community if in-person relating feels like too much, so it's inspired me to find and join you all.

This introductory post is pretty much me holding myself accountable and pushing myself to put myself out there. I don't find this easy at all but hopefully I'll get into the swing of things.

 

[Riley Jones]

Welcome, and thank you for bravely sharing your story here. It takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out and connect, especially when dealing with the challenges of C-PTSD. It's completely understandable that seeking a formal diagnosis can be overwhelming, but remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many others here have gone through similar experiences and can offer valuable support and understanding.

It's great to hear that Pete Walker's book has been a source of comfort and guidance for you. The online community can indeed provide a safe space for sharing and learning from others who can relate to your struggles. Remember, healing is a process, and it's okay to take small steps towards opening up and connecting with others.

Feel free to explore the different forums on myptsd.com where you can find discussions on various topics related to PTSD and C-PTSD. Whether you want to share your experiences, ask for advice, or simply connect with others who understand, this community is here for you. And if you feel the need for professional support, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor who can provide personalized assistance.

We're glad to have you here, and we're cheering you on as you take this step towards healing and growth. You're not alone in this.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[mszl]

Hi, welcome to the forum! I'm sorry that you had to go through this in your life. It's good that you were able to identify the problem and work towards healing.

 

[Friday]

Aloha

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome to the site! I hope that you are helped as I have been over the years

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @leafytrees And welcome to the site, I have a "history of complex trauma, depression and anxiety". Hope you find this site useful .

 

[arfie]

hello leafy. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

i still haven't read pete walker's book, but i have heard rave reviews from many of my sibs-in-healing. i will take the fact that it led you here as yet another rave review. in my own long and winding recovery road, peer support has been my most consistent therapy source. pros come, go and contradict one another at safe social distances. my peer support network always has someone i can turn to, up close and personal, any hour of the day or night. i hope peer support helps you as much as it has helped me. welcome aboard.

 

[leafytrees]

Thank you all very much for the warm welcome.

hello leafy. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

i still haven't read pete walker's book, but i have heard rave reviews from many of my sibs-in-healing. i will take the fact that it led you here as yet another rave review. in my own long and winding recovery road, peer support has been my most consistent therapy source. pros come, go and contradict one another at safe social distances. my peer support network always has someone i can turn to, up close and personal, any hour of the day or night. i hope peer support helps you as much as it has helped me. welcome aboard.

It's been such a helpful book for me and I think it's the only thing I've ever read twice and dipped back into over the years. I think it resonates so much because Pete Walker often describes his own healing from trauma and it's quite clear that he has a lot of compassion and understanding about how challenging it is. He writes like a friend gently guiding you in the right direction.

It's lovely to learn that peer support has had such a positive impact on your recovery. It dawned on me recently that I tend to feel safer opening up in groups in small amounts, whereas doing things one-on-one feels really daunting and heavy. Thank you for the welcome and positivity!

 

[arfie]

I think it's the only thing I've ever read twice and dipped back into over the years.

by the time pete walker was born, i was reading self-help books like romance novels. i was a voracious reader and going through them at a stellar rate. i reached formal therapy around the time pete started elementary school. one of the first targets my therapists started shooting at was this voracious intake of psychiatric theory. they claimed i was mostly confusing myself, pointing out how often experts argue and contradict one another. pick a theory and make it work. i did and the approach served me well.

i had "graduated" from formal therapy to therapy maintenance by the time petey published his highly lauded book. i was still dipping into the books and theories i adopted during petey's elementary school years. i'm still dipping into those old books and theories and still learning something new with every dip. i haven't read this highly acclaimed work which works so well for so many of my younger sibs-in-healing because of my reluctance to fix what ain't broke, but for the ones who have gained as much as you seem to be gaining, i say, "work it, baby, work it." whatever recovery tools work for you, they only work when you work them. dip freely. dip often. dip repetitively.

 

[leafytrees]

by the time pete walker was born, i was reading self-help books like romance novels. i was a voracious reader and going through them at a stellar rate. i reached formal therapy around the time pete started elementary school. one of the first targets my therapists started shooting at was this voracious intake of psychiatric theory. they claimed i was mostly confusing myself, pointing out how often experts argue and contradict one another. pick a theory and make it work. i did and the approach served me well.

i had "graduated" from formal therapy to therapy maintenance by the time petey published his highly lauded book. i was still dipping into the books and theories i adopted during petey's elementary school years. i'm still dipping into those old books and theories and still learning something new with every dip. i haven't read this highly acclaimed work which works so well for so many of my younger sibs-in-healing because of my reluctance to fix what ain't broke, but for the ones who have gained as much as you seem to be gaining, i say, "work it, baby, work it." whatever recovery tools work for you, they only work when you work them. dip freely. dip often. dip repetitively.

I'm glad you discovered what works well for you. You're so right, I will keep dipping with what seems to work! And aim to keep working it. I'm definitely guilty of assuming I'm 'healed' after a while and then forgetting to put all the tools I've learned into practice, which never ends well! Daily mindfulness and consistency seem to be key.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I'm definitely guilty of assuming I'm 'healed' after a while and then forgetting to put all the tools I've learned into practice, which never ends well! Daily mindfulness and consistency seem to be key.

@leafytrees
This is exactly what I do. Thank you for articulating it so well!

And, yes, daily mindfulness and consistency are absolutely key! Learning to stay in the moment is a continual pursuit. But, don't give up, change is possible.