metis-siren
Silver Member
I’m not doing so well. Emotionally I’m so drained that I can’t remember what it’s like to feel rested. School somehow lost its appeal of somewhere I want to be right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love school, and I love learning. Hell, when it comes down to it, I even love writing papers and walking out of an exam I was well prepared for. That’s part of who I am. However, school has become this overwhelming daunting task of not being a failure. With the forces that be, looming over my shoulder, I find it hard to do anything anymore. The stress has taken on a life of its own, not allowing me any mental or physical rest, I can’t sleep because my anxiety levels are too high – I feel like I’m ‘buzzing’ all the time. I need a break. I need some time to feel okay, and to feel refreshed and ready to take on the next task, instead of feeling as if I’m three or four months behind in tasks I need to complete.
This is what I’m proposing, at least to myself. To get OSAP to acknowledge their fault by forcing me to continue in a class that I did not want to be in by telling me my academic future lies in the balance. By putting stress upon stress, and continuing to call just to ‘remind’ me of my current situation. I don’t know what OSAP will do, and whether or not I will have to fight them, and go to the Ontario Ombudsman, but if that is the case so be it. All I’m asking them is to understand that when I requested to drop the class before the drop deadlines where they would get their money back (they are a financial lending institution, am I not correct in this?) that all of a sudden, it became about my ‘Academic Performance’ and how it was reflecting on my ability to receive a loan. A loan – not a grant, not a bursary, not a scholarship – money they are going to get back with interest. The lack of understanding about the nature of my disability, or the fact that I have a disability whatsoever becomes an afterthought - nothing that needs to be considered in this.
I’d like to take some courses in the fall, but I don’t know how I will be able to afford it, if OSAP does what I believe they will do. I will apply for some bursaries, but I don’t know when they will come in, and whether I will get enough to cover tuition, and to cover books and other essentials.
I don’t know how blinded right now I am by my PTSD and anxiety being through the roof, but I know that it is affecting me. All that I am asking is that some of the external pressures be taken off, so that I can work on healing, and getting myself to a place where I can sleep at night, where I don’t need to rely on benzodiazepines to function at a minimal level. Where my pain levels haven’t gotten so acute from anxiety and stress that it has affected my ability to do anything.
I realise I need help getting through this, and I’m not afraid to ask. I know this is too big for me to handle, and that doing this alone will only make it harder on me, so I suppose I’m reaching out for any help I can get.
This is what I’m proposing, at least to myself. To get OSAP to acknowledge their fault by forcing me to continue in a class that I did not want to be in by telling me my academic future lies in the balance. By putting stress upon stress, and continuing to call just to ‘remind’ me of my current situation. I don’t know what OSAP will do, and whether or not I will have to fight them, and go to the Ontario Ombudsman, but if that is the case so be it. All I’m asking them is to understand that when I requested to drop the class before the drop deadlines where they would get their money back (they are a financial lending institution, am I not correct in this?) that all of a sudden, it became about my ‘Academic Performance’ and how it was reflecting on my ability to receive a loan. A loan – not a grant, not a bursary, not a scholarship – money they are going to get back with interest. The lack of understanding about the nature of my disability, or the fact that I have a disability whatsoever becomes an afterthought - nothing that needs to be considered in this.
I’d like to take some courses in the fall, but I don’t know how I will be able to afford it, if OSAP does what I believe they will do. I will apply for some bursaries, but I don’t know when they will come in, and whether I will get enough to cover tuition, and to cover books and other essentials.
I don’t know how blinded right now I am by my PTSD and anxiety being through the roof, but I know that it is affecting me. All that I am asking is that some of the external pressures be taken off, so that I can work on healing, and getting myself to a place where I can sleep at night, where I don’t need to rely on benzodiazepines to function at a minimal level. Where my pain levels haven’t gotten so acute from anxiety and stress that it has affected my ability to do anything.
I realise I need help getting through this, and I’m not afraid to ask. I know this is too big for me to handle, and that doing this alone will only make it harder on me, so I suppose I’m reaching out for any help I can get.
