Crashing From School - PTSD And Anxiety Through The Roof

[reallydown]

Hey Metis,

I understand, to a large degree, what you're going through...School's been crazy the last few years but now that I'm so close to graduating I don't want to drop it...I still get decent grades but not what I'm used to/capable of...it's tough to sawllow...but I take 3 classes/term...I used to take 4 or 5 but that really messed me up. It's good that your therapist is writing a note and like others, I also suggest talking to your prof and tryiing to work out something less stressful for you...Profs themselves are usually (in my experience anyway) very understanding and willing to accomodate the students as well as they can...However, if you do feel you can't do it...I guess put school on hold for a while...I'm thinking that maybe I should've done that after all...given that now my grades may or may not get me into grad school...and that makes me even more depressed...arrrrrg...Good luck...I really hope you manage to work it out

 

[metis-siren]

Okay, so I took the weekend "off" for the most part. I did a de-stressing exercise, which helped some. Then I made an action plan and I'm sticking to it. I also made sure to make note to contact everybody at the university who can be of help, and those in other walks of life, as well.

I'm going to try to arrange a meeting with OSAP today, and walk in there with some information on PTSD, a note from my psychiatrist, and a list of things I want to say. As well as coming prepared anxiety wise, I'm going to bring Clonazepam with me, just in case. I'm going to be honest and strong. I know what they are doing is wrong, and if it comes to it, I will kick their ass in legal action.

Because my education is so important to me, I'm going to contact my Aboriginal group to inquire about scholarships, bursaries, and grants. I'm also going to look into disability based bursaries and grants, and any others I can get my hands on.

I know my mental health comes first, and I may need to take a term off just to destress. I know that for someone who doesn't disassociate very often to spend significant amounts of time 'out in space' isn't a good thing, and warrants some serious attention. I know how bad my symptoms have gotten from PTSD and my other health conditions as a result of the stress and pressure of this. I know this isn't good.

The good thing is, after I get through this stuff today, I see my psychiatrist in the late afternoon, so I'll be able to talk about it, and hopefully get the reinforcements I need.

In lieu of the amount of stress this has put on me (the statue of Atlas comes to mind), I'm thinking about throwing myself a girly night. Phone off, old classic movies, I'll make some baked goods (maybe cupcakes?), face mask, bubble bath possibly, paint my toe nails, do something really good for myself - because quite frankly, if I thought the last little while was stressful, having to fight the people who aren't willing to give a crap is going to be just as stressful, but in a different way.

Maybe I'm completely blind sighted, but I can't envision a life without education for myself. I know how much I need to heal, but I can also see the significant progress I've made. I suppose this will be a topic of discussion at my psych appointment today.

Many thanks for the support, words of encouragement and strength you have offered.

Sincerely,

A. Lauren

 

[metis-siren]

crap, I make one appointment, and all I've done so far is just call to make that appointment, and I'm already getting teary - this is going to be a tough day!

 

[hodge]

Hang in there, Metis-siren! Round up as much support as possible, see your psychiatrist later, then throw yourself a girl's night. One step at a time.

Yes, education is important, but if you fall apart, it's kind of moot. So take of yourself and good luck with everything today.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Mett,

I can't tell you how I felt while reading your post. Too many emotions running through me.....I felt proud of you for taking the stand for yourself... The plan that you have put together is awesome.

You are doing EXACTLY what you NEED to be doing for YOU...IMO......

Then to reward yourself for a job well done, no matter the outcome.....WAY to go girl........

Mett....Go in there and:kickass:. Tell them what for, how, when and why. Demand that you need this break for you, for your future, and for the benefit of others that are struggling with this also. Demand that they look at the whole picture, not just one small piece of it. But the whole damn picture.

You are well on your way to your recovery....When we finally say, I am doing this for ME...IMO is the turning point in our recovery. Go for it, you deserve it!!!!!

Awesome job....YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! Have some faith in you...I do...I am so proud of you......

HUGS, HUGS, and more HUGS!!!!!!!

Wen

 

[metis-siren]

So, yesterday was hard. Dear god, yesterday was hard. I had a 40 minute sit down with my case worker(?) at OSAP, and she was kind, but I had many tough questions to ask. I wrote everything down that I needed to say, and I stuck to it. At one point I did cry, but just a few tears and not hysterically bawling. I managed to get the information I needed and to be firm and assertive about my situation. She said, well why don't you take a year off and just come back when you've got your health conditions sorted. Mmhmm... I showed her a list of my health conditions, which sits in the 20's. I said, these are all chronic conditions, they don't go away if I take a year off. I felt I did well in that situation, and I feel that I got what I needed - including a bursary application from my native association.

I have to go back today with a letter explaining why I couldn't complete my studies this summer, which her and her supervisor will review. If they give me another chance then thats as far as it goes, if not, to the Ministry, and if they disagree, then to the Ontario Ombudsman, and of course, when I have time, I'm bringing this to the attention of my MPP as the system has been set up to penalize students with disabilities, especially those with chronic illnesses, and the legislation needs some work.

I also have to get the university to do a retroactive withdrawal from the course for me, and they aren't particularly nice about this anymore. However, I have an amazingly supportive and detailed letter from my psychiatrist in hand to give to both the university and OSAP which should suffice for explaining that I was medically unable, but am getting healthier and can do my studies, I just need support instead of constantly being reprimanded for not conforming to being a normal student.

By the end of each day, I'm so drained that I won't talk about it, I just feel I've had my share of talking about it, and its time to unplug from the situation for the evening. I won't answer the phones after 7pm to talk to anyone, and I allow myself some down time to do whatever I so like. Last night it was vegan Italian food, soy ice cream, So You Think You Can Dance, and Hell's Kitchen. It was nice just to allow myself that time, and I believe I'm going to need a good deal of it in the next little while. However, understanding the importance of my support system and being able to talk to them on a regular basis is essential as well. So, here's to getting through today.

Sincerely,

A. Lauren

 

[becvan]

Very well done Metis!

I'm very proud of you! You did what you had to do and handled it well!

Glad to hear you are keeping your self-care in mind too! :claps:


bec

 

[metis-siren]

Okay, another day filled with academic related stuff... man this takes a lot out of me. I'm exhausted by 3pm. That nap was not long enough.

Some bad news, my psychiatrist is on vacation for the next two weeks, plus I've changed the weekly appointment date and time, so I won't see him for about three weeks! I think I should have been told this when I saw him yesterday.

Oy!