KwanYingirl
Diamond Member
@shimmerz this is a timely post as I spent last Saturday with my family. I am the scapegoat and definitely the crazy one according to them. I was at the bottom of the food chain in an abusive alcoholic family. All my siblings took out their anger on me. I left for college and have as little to do with them. Then I had two wonderful children and I wanted them to know their cousins. This meant putting up with my sisters and brothers abuse. The cousins and my kids grew up stable except one niece who has been a junkie for 20 years with no signs of recovery.
The only reason I have anything to do with them is for my kids sake. They don't see the dysfunction because they abuse me in private. And my mother is the ring leader. I'd better get a good inheritance that's all I can say. My sisters and I were sexually abused by a step grandfather. I got the worst of it. I went numb and dissociative, my sisters acted out in rage. They both have great husbands, mine was a louse. I move constantly. I struggle with my dissociation and self harm and find it really hard to connect with people. Oh yeah, my family is most definitely crazy making.
How to I cope? I have a good friend who comes from a really functional family. I admired her mother and modeled her rather than my mother when I raised my kids. The kids help each other when times are hard. Their mother would circle the wagons around whoever needed support. They vacation together and welcome me at holidays and beach days. I feel like they are as close as I'll ever come to knowing what a sister could be. One of my sisters repeatedly calls me a f*cking asshole, the other tells me to never speak to her or show my face to her. I try to honor that request but then she has some family get together and my kids want me to go so I do. I stay for two hours then leave. In a group they behave but ignore me or insult me. I try to ignore them.
The only reason I have anything to do with them is for my kids sake. They don't see the dysfunction because they abuse me in private. And my mother is the ring leader. I'd better get a good inheritance that's all I can say. My sisters and I were sexually abused by a step grandfather. I got the worst of it. I went numb and dissociative, my sisters acted out in rage. They both have great husbands, mine was a louse. I move constantly. I struggle with my dissociation and self harm and find it really hard to connect with people. Oh yeah, my family is most definitely crazy making.
How to I cope? I have a good friend who comes from a really functional family. I admired her mother and modeled her rather than my mother when I raised my kids. The kids help each other when times are hard. Their mother would circle the wagons around whoever needed support. They vacation together and welcome me at holidays and beach days. I feel like they are as close as I'll ever come to knowing what a sister could be. One of my sisters repeatedly calls me a f*cking asshole, the other tells me to never speak to her or show my face to her. I try to honor that request but then she has some family get together and my kids want me to go so I do. I stay for two hours then leave. In a group they behave but ignore me or insult me. I try to ignore them.
