Crazy Ob/gyn

[Anna Banana]

When I was 18, I had my first son and when my OB was stitching up the episotomy, he told me he gave me a couple extra stitches and that I would thank him later. I was so doped up that I didn't know what he was talking about, but soon came to find out.

Having sexual relations became increasingly painful for me and I would tear in that area constantly. I thought there was something wrong with me and that it was my fault, but I didn't remember until a few years ago what he had said to me.

I went to a woman GYN and she was really mad. She said "A woman OB/GYN would have never done this to me. She numbed me, made an incision and had to sew it back. Very very painful for several weeks to the point where I could hardly sit.
Now, my problem is that I spent nearly 40 years with this condition and when my husband wants to have sex, I balk because I am so conditioned to the pain that the pain is still there in my mind.

I don't know what to do about this...I want to be able to have normal (or as normal as possible for someone like me) relations with my husband. Has any one else ever been through this?

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Anna, my experience is far less traumatic than yours. Actually it sounds quite pathetic in comparison.

I had an appointment to see the gynaecologist during my shift at work, so I went along in uniform. This was my first ever appointment and I did not know what to expect. In order to examine me HE insisted on undoing my clothing, and then said that I did not look like I was enjoying it (being undressed).

It sounds so trivial, but has stuck with me ever since. It certainly felt that it was inappropriate so I think therefore it was, however others might not agree. Fortunately another gyn came into post and I transferred my care to the new one as soon as I could.

 

[Anna Banana]

It's not trivial. I would have totally freaked and ran out of the room. I know my boundaries and that is too familiar for me. I found out a couple years later that this same OB/GYN was doing more than examining a few of his patients. I found it very disturbing when these women in their late 30's and 40's were laughing and talking about it...but now it makes me wonder why my mother thought he was so good...hmmmm.

Now I see a woman GYN and she's great! I feel very safe and her anger over what my GYN did made me feel validated in my own anger over what he did to me. I guess I need to address my fear of intimacy because now my brain says "it's going to hurt" with my T.

< Edited by BrucieLucy. Quote deleted. No need to quote entire post immediately preceding>

 

[Nyx]

I'm not sure if it's sexually inappropriate, but she sure was inappropriate. I went to a female doctor - never been to a man doctor because I was too freaked out by the idea of a man touching me 'down there', and one day she just called in a man to look because "she had never seen a wound so big". I was petrified, couldn't speak, couldn't move, and I didn't go for an OB appointment for two years because of this. And when I finally went - to another doctor - I couldn't stop crying.

 

[Anna Banana]

Oops...forgot to hit the reply button...sometimes, this takes a bit to get used to.

 

[Anna Banana]

I'm not sure if it's sexually inappropriate, but she sure was inappropriate. I went to a female doctor - never been to a man doctor because I was too freaked out by the idea of a man touching me 'down there', and one day she just called in a man to look because "she had never seen a wound so big". I was petrified, couldn't speak, couldn't move, and I didn't go for an OB appointment for two years because of this. And when I finally went - to another doctor - I couldn't stop crying.

Are you at the stage where you are able to state your boundaries to others? Just because they have Dr. or MD. attached to their name doesn't mean they are Gods. You have a voice and one of the things I discovered very early is "No" is a very big word. You don't have to explain anything to anybody; most people will understand, but I do think your OB should have asked you how you felt about getting another opinion, giving you the chance to say, "Okay, as long as it's not a man."

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. The dis-empowering of another person who has been a victim is a subtle, if not disquieting event which seems to sneak upon us unaware, until it's done. There have been many times when I have endured things that upset me and sometimes it's difficult to distinguish which event is going to set me off.

I have learned to use my words though, even though sometimes it is a little word, such as "NO!" It has the ability to empower you and not leave you the victim. I know it's not easy to say it the first time, but you are stronger than you realize. The experiences you have gone through make you stronger because you survived!!!

I know there are times when I feel like surviving has been a burden, but I am coming to realize that it has given me the strength to be strong, when others around me fold. Perhaps it is because I have so much 'flat effect' about everything, but whatever my emotion, whether it be anxiety (which pretty much disabled me yesterday, until I remembered to take my meds), or fear, or just a dark hole with no visible ladder to climb out of it, to just about any other emotion in between, I still remember that little word with so much power. NO!:no:

I hope you feel better and give a shout out to anybody on here at any time. You are NOT alone.:hug:​

 

[cherryblossom]

<Editorial note ....

Oops...forgot to hit the reply button...sometimes, this takes a bit to get used to.

Hi Anna. There is no need to hit the reply button. In fact we prefer it if you don't, in most cases! Hitting the reply button, automatically creates a quote of the post you are replying to, and in most cases, particularly if you are replying to the post above, it's not necessary to quote the post above, and just creates 'clutter'. You can edit your quotes down to a specific point, or simply type away in the box at the end of the thread, to add your reply. Watch [DLMURL]http://sexabuse.ptsdforum.org/threads/how-to-quote-posts.500/[/DLMURL] for further details.
Regards CB>

 

[Anna Banana]

Thanks cherryblossom, but it seems that each time I don't hit the reply button, by response is edited by someone and I'm told that I need to add part of the quote I'm responding to in my response, so I'm a little confused now. :oops:

 

[cherryblossom]

<Anna - I have replied by PC, so as not to detract from the thread content>

 

[Anna]

Nasty. This happened to me as well after the birth of my first child. The doctor was also a female doctor and she was one of the cruelest hardest doctors I have ever met. She also did not use any anaesthetic so I felt the cut and when she sewed me up. Was a disgusting horrible experience.

I hate going to gynaecologists. My last smear was terrible. The stupid stick broke inside me and the doctor got a massive pair of tongs to get it out with, I screamed what are you doing! The pain was terrible. Now I am terrified of going back for my next smear. My experience with gynaecologists is not a good one. They seem to treat people like pieces of meat. Maybe they should learn bedside manners better.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Good news for those of us who can handle OB/GYN appointments: In the New York Times I recently read an article about a couple donating 48 million dollars to the University to set up a center for training bedside manner to medical students and doctors. I'm hoping it will help doctors learn that we are not just meat on their table.

 

[MPM]

It is sad that some of you have been sexually abused by a male gynecologist. Sexual abuse by male gynecologists is more common than you can imagine. You all should Google Sexual Misconduct By Doctors.