Creepy Physical Therapist Dilemma - Feeling Powerless

[Ryn]

I've had intense, debilitating, burning pain across my neck, shoulder, and back for far too long now, partly caused by playing cello and partly because I keep so much tension there and don't listen well to my body.

The doctor referred me to a physical therapist who conveniently works on campus. I went to that appointment several weeks ago--it was early in the morning, so practically no one was around except him and his receptionist who was out of the room most of the time. From the second I met the physical therapist--a tall, powerful, imposing, brutish man--I felt faintly threatened. By the time I left I was nauseated with fear, crying practically the second I was out of the door, and felt shaky and ill and bombarded with mini-flashbacks for the rest of the day.

He didn't do anything outright abusive, I don't think. And part of me feels that I'm being ridiculous, that I'm just still afraid of men and that it's awkward to have someone pressing and manipulating your body in weird positions and that I should just get over it. But... I just don't think that's true. I'm NOT scared of men and their touch. Not all of them. In fact, the first thing I did after I left that appointment was ask for a hug from a guy friend.

It was just THIS man that made me feel this way, with his constant stream of inappropriate and even sexual jokes, like "damn shame about this pillow I just HAVE to put between you and my crotch so they can't fire me", or the way he imposed on my space until I was forced to take steps back, the way he kept pointing out how much stronger he was than me ("I could overpower you so easily if I wanted to... I could lift you off this table by your shoulder blade if I wanted to... I could break your neck if I wanted to..."), sharply commanded me to sit or lie down or turn, and the anger in his voice if I was at all tense ("relax, stop fighting it, what the hell are you doing, stop, you're not relaxed, I know what I'm doing, relax...")

Anyway, at first I just felt it was inevitable for me to continue going to him, since we already had an appointment in two days, and I was feeling utterly helpless and powerless. I finally got myself together the next day and ended up calling to cancel the appointment with the excuse of illness, and didn't schedule another one. I felt genuinely proud of myself for that. Since then, though, I have tried so hard to find a new physical therapist, only to be told again and again that I couldn't get an appointment for at least two months and probably longer. (I'm supposed to have already started 3x weekly sessions.) My options are running out and my music professors, who have so far been fairly understanding, are beginning to breathe down my neck as concerts approach and I'm not doing nearly the amount of cello playing I should be doing because of the pain every time I try.

I already feel like a failure not being able to play music the way I know I can, especially since a huge portion of my school scholarships is dependent on my career as a cellist while at school. I feel paralyzed by physical pain and emotional frustration when I try to play and I feel powerless in the face of being denied help no matter how many times I look for it. I feel that I should just accept my fate already and go back to that man.

I guess I am posting here asking for help and advice because I have no one in real life to talk about this with. I would love some support in any fashion. Thanks.

 

[queen]

First of all, I am so sorry that this happened to you!! I'm not a physical therapist, but I am in the health professions realm, and this behavior is not AT ALL okay. Sexual innuendo, creating a threatening power dynamic, being outright threatening (I could break your neck if I wanted to, WHAT?!?!) to a client.... There are ethical and professional standards that all people in these types of professions are held to, and he very obviously broke them. You have every right to be upset by this, it absolutely is not okay to act that way toward a client. I would definitely not go back to see him, and I could file a grievance against him as well to whatever certifying body there is (a health department or board of professional licensing).

 

[Lucycat]

You are right. It did not feel ok. It was not ok. Either walk away and make an appointment with another physio or report him and include every minute detail that you have shared here. He should not be allowed to continue like this. No doubt he thinks his words are jokes but it is certainly not funny from here.

 

[Justmehere]

Whoa. His comments are sexual harassment, and completely wrong. If you have the courage, I would report his comments to the clinic director, campus police (yes, some of his comments are that serious and would be considered criminal harassment), your medical doctor, and the PT licensing board. If that's more than you can take on right now, that's ok too. It's your choice to report or not.

I want you to know that even someone without PTSD would find his comments WAY out of line and grounds to be instantly fired. Your impulse to run and find a better PT is a good impulse.

I have seen a handful of PTs over the years, and never has one swore at me, and they all have been pretty careful about how they touch me, especially the guys. (I put down PTSD on my intake forms so this might be way they are so careful, but maybe not.)

If you want to go back to the same clinic, I would call the physical therapy clinic, ask to speak to a female physical therapist (if they have one), and explain the impact of delayed PT on your music education, and that you just can't do PT with a male therapist, and ask her for suggestions on what to do. She then could go and talk to him for you and switch to her. You won't be a new patient, so hopefully the wait would not be as long. You will still be in the same clinic, so it is not an ideal solution.

I generally have a hard time with PT that is heavy into manipulation. There are other ways to do PT, so please know that even that triggery aspect of PT can be lessened. This guy is a creep though...

If you are stuck with a two month wait, try going back to your doctor, and explain the impact on you of delayed PT and see if a cortisone shot or a script for volterum gel as a topical medication might be an option. (This has worked wonders for me when I had to wait 6-8 weeks to get in to see a PT for a chronic injury.)

If you do go back to the creep, can you bring a friend with you? Or tell him you would like to record the PT sessions so you can better remember his instructions or some other bullshit answer. He might shape up and act appropriately if he knows there is a witness. I really would hate to see you have to be subjected to any treatment from him.

 

[City Slicker]

@Ryn, good for you for listening to your own experience and not going back to him. I don't know your circumstances and factors so forgive me if it sounds pushy but I would seriously consider reporting this individual.

I didn't have much luck with physiotherapy at all for my upper back issues but I found a chiropractor who was a complete blessing.

I was nervous going at first because I didn't want anyone 'snapping' my neck. In the first session, she assured me there would be no snapping unless we discussed it and even then there were other options to the typical snapping frequently associated with chiropractic treatments.

She identified the problems almost immediately and set out the strategy she would use to treat the area. And that's exactly what she did.

I have never experienced such a professional practitioner who knew her way around the physical body and ways to heal it as much as she does.

I am only suggesting chiropractic as one option to consider to having to wait so long for a physio appt. Good luck with your journey.

 

[JackRJN]

Inappropriate speech is part of the sexual misconduct definition of most licensing organizations for health professionals, which could lead to temporary or permanent suspension of his license. I know this must be hard, but the best thing to do is to report him to his licensing board. And of course you should find another therapist.

 

[Friday]

Either he's a creep, or you're triggered, and in either case? Taking your business elsewhere is hardly a failure. One is not putting up with bullshit, the other is self-care in monitoring your stressors & not taking on too much.

IMO... Kick this guy to the curb, and be proud of yourself for it.

 

[Chava]

If he said things like he could break your neck, report it, anything you know word-for-word. If he implied it, or triggered you through implied strength difference, that's different. But the comments you listed are not at all appropriate.

Get an appointment scheduled with a different PT, even if you have to wait. There is absolutely no use working with a PT who actually makes you this scared. With added tension and resistance, if anything you risk blowing up in pain. I'm a musician and have been through the ringer myself.

I've had intense, debilitating, burning pain across my neck, shoulder, and back for far too long now, partly caused by playing cello and partly because I keep so much tension there and don't listen well to my body.

A standard PT, especially those trained more in sports medicine and acute injury, might not alleviate all of this for you anyway. While you wait for an appointment research what you can do now. If overuse, you do need some kind of break. If tension while playing, that's not something a PT can help with anyway (but maybe a fellow cellist, or better yet someone along the lines of Alexander Technique). You might need an adjustment in how you're playing or approaching the instrument. And unless your PT is a cellist, they might only give you a bunch of arm exercises that don't relate to preventing future pain.

I know you weren't asking about that kind of advice, but I hear you're stressed. Continuing with this guy does not sound worth it...like he can't likely help your pain and tension issue. Look at all other possible angles but get another PT appointment with someone else on the schedule. Worst case scenario, take a semester off (I did that for treatment actually, a couple times, and it was all good). Usually the scholarship money can go on hold too. If you are feeling paralyzed by pain, as you say, consider many possible options because PT alone never fixed my pain stuff. Also, if you aren't in therapy, that's helpful (for trauma and/or someone like a pain psychologist or body-oriented psychotherapist). And fill up your personal tool kit with whatever helps to relax and let go of tension (this is very hard for me, so has been a process in its own right).

 

[Ryn]

Thanks all for your input. I am feeling better about it all and like I have more options. Gotta love those PTSD mini-breakdowns...

I do think his comments and attitude were probably harassment and definitely crossing the line. I think he probably isn't taking his job seriously and thought he could joke around with college students and all would be well. I don't know. I'm going to delete him from my memory and move on. :yuck:

@City Slicker thanks for your recommendation about a chiropractor. That's definitely something for me to look into then.

someone along the lines of Alexander Technique

I am really glad you suggested this @Chava, my cello teacher has been pushing for me to look into the Alexander Technique for months and I had forgotten to look into it. If I can afford it, I think it will be really helpful. I have reached out to someone locally.

 

[Neverthesame]

"I could overpower you so easily if I wanted to... I could lift you off this table by your shoulder blade if I wanted to... I could break your neck if I wanted to

The f*ck?

I don't think your overreacting at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

I'm male, and I am not easily intimidated by anyone, but I can tell you that if I had been in your shoes. I would have left after five minutes. The way he spoke to you was totally unacceptable. Even in passing conversation. Let alone as a PT.

Totally creepy. Yikes.

 

[Chava]

I am really glad you suggested this Link Removed, my cello teacher has been pushing for me to look into the Alexander Technique for months and I had forgotten to look into it. If I can afford it, I think it will be really helpful. I have reached out to someone locally.

If you have someone local and it's a good connection, it's worth it. Even if you can't afford it. If you are already having this much pain, it's not a good sign and a PT can't likely redirect you in whatever is happening with your playing. I ended my professional playing career at 40 (much too early...I dreamed of going into my 80s!). I've done too much damage, but can at least do things differently and manage well enough to maintain my studio (violin).