CSA stole my ability to be intimate

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
Almost posted this same post verbatim.

I am ruined. I am ruined. I am ruined. The sexualization is too deeply woven into my psyche. I don’t have enough confidence to overcome the brainwashing. I am determined to find people to insult and verbally abuse me in order to feel comfortable. I will ruin every relationship that is worth anything—period—full stop—because I can not relate safely. I am a sexual predator and I will not settle until I have destroyed myself.

I will try to call the crisis line tomorrow. I’m sorry to put this here. I hope I can get isolated from people. I developed too much habits of finding people to lean on. I’m really really really sorry. It’s not your fault.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I will ruin every relationship that is worth anything—period—full stop—because I can not relate safely.
This is not true. This is trauma speaking. Look at your relationships to show you this is not true. I know there are challenges with two of your children but these will get better. And look at all the other relationships you have: work colleagues, friends, here etc. All fine. You have people who care about you.

I am a sexual predator and I will not settle until I have destroyed myself.
This again is not true and trauma talking. You are not a sexual predator. I know this feeling only too well. It's about shifting the responsibility of the abuse where it lies, to the abuser. Moving it from you to them. It's fallen back on you again as you're struggling. And this is where it's helpful to remember that feelings are not facts.

I am ruined. I am ruined. I am ruined
Not true. Traumatised. Not runed.

I’m really really really sorry
No need to apologise. You haven't done anything wrong. You are expressing what is going on for you. And reaching out. And working through this. All good things.
 
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