My worth = my ability to work/ be productive

[Ecdysis]

This core belief is weighing heavily on me atm, because it's time to finally let it go...

And right now I'm too bone tired exhausted to write more than that...

 

[Friday]

I tend to agree… which means I also tend to be suicidal as fawk when I’m sick/injured (easy to ignore during “normal” colds/erc., but a bit more problematic when it’s months & years long.

 

[MiriamB]

Pete Walker has a really good saying around this, we are human beings, not human doings. Easier to say, than do, of course.

 

[arfie]

i have wrestled with this conundrum since 1995 when i retired from construction to take charge of my 2 out-of-control adolescent sons. both had officially entered the juvenile justice system and ? ? ? i decided it was the more important job and running construction crews felt like child's play in comparison. by this time, my finances were stable enough that i had no budget motive for holding a job.

alas, giving up the dignity of a paycheck was a serious ding, both personally and socially. i have since come to wonder if the greatest problem in the industrial world is what we call, "not working."

personal worth = ability to work/be productive?
i opine that we need a new measuring stick.
just opining
it is what it is, whether i understand it or knot.

 

[Friday]

i have since come to wonder if the greatest problem in the industrial world is what we call, "not working."

Right?!? Pre-Industrial Revolution being a man/woman of leisure &/or gentry was considered by most to be the PINNACLE of success. Which didn’t mean people weren’t still employed, but it was by choice, rather than a moralistic “You’re only a worthwhile human being IF you’re working class AND working.” To the point that even stay at home parents have been villefied (meanwhile people who are paid to work with children lauded).

I’m relatively certain ^^^this^^^ is only a small part (if any part) of what you quoted?

But it’s a big part of my own mental f*ckery around not working.

 

[arfie]

with sincere apology if we are co-opting your thread, @Ecdysis

stay at home parents have been villefied (meanwhile people who are paid to work with children lauded)

so it was for me. in 1995 i was a fine, upstanding citizen while i was working construction and neglecting my children into the juvenile justice system. in 1996, i was a bum because i was devoting myself to getting them back on track. for what it's worth, that attempt was too little, too late and i STILL believe it was far harder work than running construction crews. i never did return to the respectability of a proper paycheck.

fast forward 30 years and fate appropriated me a second parenting career when my son and his wife were killed in a traffic accident, leaving 3 orphans, then ages 6, 3 and 8 months. the "not-working" aspect of full-time parenting is still not working.

for me, the start of this trend happened during the depression era generation (my parents) when husbands were inordinately proud to crow, "my wife never worked a day in her life." it was typically crowed in the same conversations where families showed pride in never having been "on the dole" (welfare). my own mother-in-law was quite proud of having "never worked a day" in her life. her over-time neurotic approach to housekeeping wasn't work? i still haven't grown an affection for hobbies like toilet cleaning and laundry.

sigh. . . color me confused and contused.

 

[Ecdysis]

sincere apology if we are co-opting your thread, @Ecdysis

Not at all - I agree with these ideas!

 

[Ecdysis]

My physical disabilities have gotten so much worse this year, that working is totally out of the question right now and for the foreseeable future.

So that's really messing with my core belief of "My worth = my ability to work/ be productive"

I'm starting to see that it's trauma conditioning and programming.

Yes, work is important and can be a great source of self-esteem and accomplishment, aside from paying the rent and the bills.

But I'm finding that the idea that "my worth = zero, if I can't work" is an unhelpful distortion of that and one of the many societal myths about working/ not-working that y'all have been describing above.

For the first time in my life, working is simply not an option right now. Previously, when I've been off work, it's been cause of mental health stuff like PTSD, that *in theory* I could've somehow sucked up and white knuckled my way through "somehow". So there was always this sense of I "should" be working and if I could just suck it up better, then I "could". So lots of blame and guilt, etc.

Now, cos I physically just-cannot-work, it's making me face these myths and trauma-core-beliefs in a new way... more confronting... no more ifs and buts...

I literally cannot work right now... So does that mean my worth = zero ?

Probably to some people it does, but if I try to look at it more rationally, more healthily, more sanely, then no... that can't be the right conclusion...

So that opens up the interesting question of "What is my worth, if it's not due to working?"

Lots to think about...

 

[Ecdysis]

I'm also wondering how each human's ability to do a certain amount of "work" each day... How that allotted energy... If huge amounts of it are used up for tasks like dealing with trauma or dealing with a disability... Well, whether that's basically not work/ effort too... Even tho it gets viewed somehow as a lack of work/ effort...

I dunno... that confuses my brain and I get a headache...

I guess maybe "traditional" work is viewed as "contributing to society" whereas working on dealing with trauma and disabilities is seen as "contributing to yourself" and hence is selfish...??

 

[arfie]

I guess maybe "traditional" work is viewed as "contributing to society" whereas working on dealing with trauma and disabilities is seen as "contributing to yourself" and hence is selfish...??

hmmmmm. . .
i like the focus on contributing to society. my "not working" has allowed me to do ALLOT of community service work which i would not have been able to perform under the work-a-day demands. much of that work was selfishly performed within the same network which i used to deal with my trauma and emotional disabilities.

leaving stereotypes aside, does that count as contributing to society?

 

[amicableDog6980]

This core belief is weighing heavily on me atm, because it's time to finally let it go...

And right now I'm too bone tired exhausted to write more than that...

I hear you! Then when I try to change that core belief I struggle to find the happy medium instead of swinging between extremes. Even if my worth doesn't come from what I do, how much should I be doing?

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I resemble this too.