Cutting Through The Jungle

[user56652]

One aspect of trauma is that you realise that no-one gives a damn about you. I keep realising that yet I still go back to clinging onto people and I still get hurt. It happened again a couple of weeks ago. The cold hard truth that i'm virtually alone in this world lef me to have a meltdown and contact the mental health team as well as well as coming here.

I keep being told "there's someone for everyone" to which i call bulls*it. All the good people have each other and all i get are the sub human scumbags. I look around my hometown and all i see is a bad place full of bad memories and bad people. I'd leave if I could but i'd still be a traumatised soul.

 

[Survivor3]

What happened when you contacted the mental health team?

 

[user56652]

What happened when you contacted the mental health team?

Got an appointment today.

 

[Survivor3]

Got an appointment today.

That's great, good to hear. Hope it goes well.

 

[user56652]

That's great, good to hear. Hope it goes well.

Thanks.Will talk about it tomorrow.

 

[user56652]

I had the meeting last week with the mental heath worker and while it was obviously a good thing it hurt as well.

I said to the worker that I have had no one fighting my corner and yet other have expected me to fight theirs.

Friends, lovers, sidekicks, forget it. Instead its scum left, right and centre

 

[user56652]

I do wonder if it is possible to have a trauma free life. Theoretically yes but it just seems like a pipe dream but if I can achieve this then it would be best for me to keep away from people.

It's not just the trauma it's also the total lack of understanding I have about the world. Being autistic and having dyspraxia has trapped me in a bubble that I can't break out of.

 

[user56652]

Not much to update apart from a nasty moment where I thought another split was in the making. Feel so alone sometimes it physically hurts.