- Post starter
- #13
spiritgirl
New Here
It seems as though these guys are classic ptsd sufferers. I've been on the typical 'what men want' sites and bought their products and seen how us women are supposed to 'date' men but it's a totally different experience when it comes to a guy with ptsd.
I think that's why we love them so much. We see beyond the games of the dating scene. So I'm starting to realize that we have to combine being aware of ptsd but also when they are in a good space doing the dating thing, yet leave out the game playing, which I don't like anyway!
The languages of love is important here and we have to discover what they 'need' and work with that, and not expect to get what we 'want' and 'need' back. For instance if you need to be told how much you're loved he's may not and he may need to be shown, so our mushy little love notes push him overboard when actually he just wants you to hand him his power drill while he's working on his new toy and to him that's an action of love, as he knows you'd much rather be watching a sloppy movie or having your nails done. And even though you want the sloppy love notes, he maybe showing his love by picking up something that won't fit in your car and will fit in his truck, or rushing around to fix your leaking toilet when you call and say help!
However that's not to say that when they knock the wind out of our sails that it doesn't hurt like hell, because it does. We have to be the strong ones, but I've also realized that they want to help us too. My guy will joke because he can handle the joking back hand compliments which can hurt sometimes, for instance I was cold in bed and I wanted a hug, so I told him. He said in the true drill sergeant way, 'cold? Get up and do 50 press ups you won't be cold then' and but calmly and with a smile on my face I said, 'can you take care of me please... I'm not one of your privates.' He then said you're right, I take that back and put his arm around me and held me all night long. I've realized he acts on defense ALL the time.
Just like the text I sent yesterday to him, about it snowing and how I know he's prepared with the snow mobile at the ready. I got a long text back which was quite shitty about it being hunting season and how the hunters don't like the snowmobilers on their land and that he will do anything not to get shot at.
I've been a city girl for so long I don't know this stuff but it suddenly all made perfect sense as to why he had shut off and was in his ptsd world and retreated into his man cave.
Now naturally that text has upset me, he's not spoken or come out of his cave for over a week so to get a response like that to what was a sweet complimentary text to him, knocked the wind from my sails. I'm at a loss as to how to respond, and i am just going to have to be honest and say, the innocent city girl is going to have to learn all about this and are there any other life saving tips you can give me since I'm going to be a country girl soon.
It still hurts though. Now I'm venting a bit because like most of us, our girlfriends don't understand and are quick to judge. In fact I told one of mine last night to stop judging my guy as she had not met him, I just want to vent. And another girlfriend who is sympathetic to ptsd said something completely different. I've realized that it's support sites and groups like this that keep me sane and make me understand I'm not alone.
The 5 languages of love is an excellent book and they also have one for military too. Im in the spiritual field and so I practise a spiritual life, but this ptsd does push my buttons sometimes, we are, after all only human :)
Wow I feel like I've written a column for some magazine, it wasn't intentional it just came out. Sorry... I'm no expert at all but I hope it helps someone. :-)
I think that's why we love them so much. We see beyond the games of the dating scene. So I'm starting to realize that we have to combine being aware of ptsd but also when they are in a good space doing the dating thing, yet leave out the game playing, which I don't like anyway!
The languages of love is important here and we have to discover what they 'need' and work with that, and not expect to get what we 'want' and 'need' back. For instance if you need to be told how much you're loved he's may not and he may need to be shown, so our mushy little love notes push him overboard when actually he just wants you to hand him his power drill while he's working on his new toy and to him that's an action of love, as he knows you'd much rather be watching a sloppy movie or having your nails done. And even though you want the sloppy love notes, he maybe showing his love by picking up something that won't fit in your car and will fit in his truck, or rushing around to fix your leaking toilet when you call and say help!
However that's not to say that when they knock the wind out of our sails that it doesn't hurt like hell, because it does. We have to be the strong ones, but I've also realized that they want to help us too. My guy will joke because he can handle the joking back hand compliments which can hurt sometimes, for instance I was cold in bed and I wanted a hug, so I told him. He said in the true drill sergeant way, 'cold? Get up and do 50 press ups you won't be cold then' and but calmly and with a smile on my face I said, 'can you take care of me please... I'm not one of your privates.' He then said you're right, I take that back and put his arm around me and held me all night long. I've realized he acts on defense ALL the time.
Just like the text I sent yesterday to him, about it snowing and how I know he's prepared with the snow mobile at the ready. I got a long text back which was quite shitty about it being hunting season and how the hunters don't like the snowmobilers on their land and that he will do anything not to get shot at.
I've been a city girl for so long I don't know this stuff but it suddenly all made perfect sense as to why he had shut off and was in his ptsd world and retreated into his man cave.
Now naturally that text has upset me, he's not spoken or come out of his cave for over a week so to get a response like that to what was a sweet complimentary text to him, knocked the wind from my sails. I'm at a loss as to how to respond, and i am just going to have to be honest and say, the innocent city girl is going to have to learn all about this and are there any other life saving tips you can give me since I'm going to be a country girl soon.
It still hurts though. Now I'm venting a bit because like most of us, our girlfriends don't understand and are quick to judge. In fact I told one of mine last night to stop judging my guy as she had not met him, I just want to vent. And another girlfriend who is sympathetic to ptsd said something completely different. I've realized that it's support sites and groups like this that keep me sane and make me understand I'm not alone.
The 5 languages of love is an excellent book and they also have one for military too. Im in the spiritual field and so I practise a spiritual life, but this ptsd does push my buttons sometimes, we are, after all only human :)
Wow I feel like I've written a column for some magazine, it wasn't intentional it just came out. Sorry... I'm no expert at all but I hope it helps someone. :-)
