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DID Dating with DID/PTSD

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Just kidding. I agreed to the date. Then the next day I canceled. Looks like it was stupid of me to even try.
 
For example, normal question "where do you work" and shameful answer I wouldn't want to give "I'm unemployed right now due to PTSD". Or "Tell me about your family" "Uh, I'd rather not, I have no contact with them, and I don't want to tell you why"
You're not gonna get a second date after those.
So, I guess, I'm just feeling discouraged and like I'm stuck being single forever. I don't know if there's any solution.

@Keen... not DID here, but having very distinct parts, and having a personality Disorder. When I dated in my early 20‘s I was very insecure and building up Relationships was not easy. I am in a loving relationship since 12 years and we married a few years ago. My husband did have difficulty in the beginning, because I tend to get aggressive, be irrational and paranoid. He has studied Psychology, and I think that was useful.
 
Thanks for sharing your experiences, @PURUSHA, it is encouraging to read that people have made it work despite their PTSD and related problems.
 
I realized how there is so much about my life that I'm ashamed of, that I try to hide from people. But when you date, people ask questions, and I am so ashamed of the answers to those questions, that is why I've been avoiding dating.

These are some of the same concerns I have. I want you to know you're not alone.

I don't feel like I have solutions for you, only my limited experience I can share. I actually have someone who wants to date me, and while I'm not dating this person (my choice), in that limited experience I find we do have common interests we can talk about that are positive and non-shaming. I also find her supportive and encouraging about the stuff I am ashamed of (no real job, no fancy degree, not financially independent, etc) as well as understanding and compassionate when I do open up about mental health things. I tell her if I'm uncomfortable talking about anything and she's fine with that. She often preface's questions with the option not to answer because she knows she's asking personal questions. It helps a lot that she already understands a lot about what I deal with (though I haven't told her about my parts). Despite all those things I have shared she's still interested, even though some of my parts would rather her not be interested.

I think there are people out there who won't give you a 2nd date AND there are people out there who will accept you as you are.

If it helps at all, there's a youtuber "MultiplicityAndMe" who is married and has DID and I know one of her parts is 14. Maybe seeing her story will be of comfort.
 
How do you ever date or get married when you have DID??
A friend wants to set me up, and I suddenly realized: who wants to date someone with child alters?
I realized how there is so much about my life that I'm ashamed of, that I try to hide from people. But when you date, people ask questions, and I am so ashamed of the answers to those questions, that is why I've been avoiding dating. For example, normal question "where do you work" and shameful answer I wouldn't want to give "I'm unemployed right now due to PTSD". Or "Tell me about your family" "Uh, I'd rather not, I have no contact with them, and I don't want to tell you why"
You're not gonna get a second date after those.
So, I guess, I'm just feeling discouraged and like I'm stuck being single forever. I don't know if there's any solution.

@Keen Yep, been divorced twice to two abusive men. Meeting new people, for me is a slow process and dating-well my awareness and choices were less than adequate. I'm getting better each day just visiting with myself. I have friends and one best friend-but dating someone I didn't know-there are parts of me that would probably sabotage that.

So, I can't imagine going out with someone I had no relationship with. What would I talk about if I'm trying to be honest and real? Abuse, kidnapping, my fears, going no/little contact-my world isn't one someone else would want to deal with-and anyone who would want to take it on probably is a fixer and I don't need another a hero-hero.
 
What would I talk about if I'm trying to be honest and real?

You're forgetting in a relationship its not just you, your life, your experiences... But you *and them*.

Meaning you would have a wooorld of things to talk about even if you had no ideas. Because the other person is there. With their own set of ideas to talk about, likely, too.
 
For a bit of positive news, I've been dating the girl I mentioned for 3 months and she now knows I have parts. It's not an issue for her nor a main topic, but I can talk about it when I want to. Living proof it's possible to date and have parts.

I think who you date matters. My girlfriend is very good with communication and is kind, caring, and empathetic. She's done (and doing) her own therapy, which I think makes a world of difference both in relationship skills and in compassion. My point is, date, just date someone of good relationship quality.
 
You're forgetting in a relationship its not just you, your life, your experiences... But you *and them*.

Meaning you would have a wooorld of things to talk about even if you had no ideas. Because the other person is there. With their own set of ideas to talk about, likely, too.

@Ronin I think anyone who'd want to date me right now probably wouldn't be a healthy choice. I end up with what appears the really nice ones at first, hiding behind narcissism. Yeah...at first wonderful............then very, very ugly. I just think I have skills to discriminate the "better dating relationships" from the unhealthy relationships. Sounds like a lot of risk.
 
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