DBT: Has Anyone Here Gone Through This Therapy?

[Angelguard]

Thank you so much for your support! :) Can you please explain BDSA and EMBR?
I have all the hand outs etc from DBT, but am so disenchanted at the moment I don't want to even see them!

Are you guys in Australia? I really don't think the T had a clue about Complex PTSD.
I've spoken to my lovely psychatrist over the phone and will see her. I'll let you know how it goes.

At the moment I'm having a million different emotions a day! Sorrow, vengeance, anger, remorse, self pity, frustration, some I can't even find a name for! This episode has opened so many old wounds? Does that happen to you too?

I will check in with you again tomorrow. Take good care. xx

 

[Abstract]

Hi,
Has anyone been triggered by something in a mindfulness session?

I have limited access to the internet at the moment so hope I can be clear and concice.

It was one of the breathe exercises. Before when I have done other breathe ones I have been fine. I don't know what set me off but I believe I staved of a flashback by the skin of my teeth.

Anyone else or any ideas or input?

And thank you everyone for sharing your experences. I hope things balance out for all of you.

 

[Angelguard]

Me too, sometimes flash backs can be subconsious things like breathing patterns, smells, back ground noises, anxiety etc. Even a word or intonation, some times if you work backwards you can find the train of thought that linked one thing to another to another to another.

If you are in a group and are feeling really under pressure very quietly use one hand to squeeze one of the knuckes of the the other hand, experiment before hand and find where you have a tender spot (not a hurtful one though!) squeeze it - hard! Focus in on the pressure, breath into it, focus on the "pain" being in the "here and now" not the past.

You can also have your own little mantra to help get you through. "This will pass" "I have come through worse" "I am a survivor" Get a rythem going with your breath. "I am breathing out feelings off..." "I am breathing in feeling of peace. or of safety" Keep your brain busy and discuss long term management with you professional person or who is leading the meditation. It's not easy, it can take practice, try and stick with it Abstract. Wishing you all the best.

 

[Hashi]

Abstract, I hope I've understood right - something came up (or nearly did) when you let your mind go quiet? Will respond briefly about that, but if I've misunderstood please let me know.

I don't know what set me off

I've always had to take a great deal of care doing anything that quiets my mind or allows relaxation. On some level, my mind has been working all the time to suppress trauma memories, thoughts and feelings. It's operating a defence against those. When I meditated, even just doing some deep breathing, I was letting that guard down and leaving myself vulnerable to things coming up. The better I could relax/meditate, the more of a risk it was. It wasn't set off by anything external or recent, it was simply the act of relaxing my mind (and therefore my defences).

I learnt things to do to prevent it, and can say more, but wanted to check first if this is the kind of thing you mean?

 

[fyredrift23]

I'm sad, angry, teary etc. etc I'm in a much worse place now than I was before I started DBT and now I have no idea what to do! I'm heart broken!

Hi Angelguard,

I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible experience with your group "leader." :(

I'm not sure what kind of set-up it is, but did you inform anyone in charge or another 1:1 leader of what that woman did to you and how she made you feel? And what's worse is that this was all in front of the group. How awful!

I'm sure you're feeling all kinds of things right now. I'd be pissed and very embarrassed :mad:

Is there any way you can join one of the other groups you mentioned? At the very least, I just wouldn't let things stand as they are with that organization/whatever they are. What she did was a severe violation of your boundaries and extremely dangerous considering the nature of her job. And she didn't even apologize?

I'm really proud of you for telling her right then and there how she was sorely out-of-line and how she really hurt you. It sounds like this incident made you regress into behaviors that you previously had a decent handle on. This is very serious. I'm not saying to expect justice, but she needs to be reported. You matter very much, and your feelings are so important. Again, I'm really sorry :(

You didn't deserve that bullshit, and you definitely should not have been treated in a such an abusive manner by a "leader."

If you do decide to discuss what happened with someone in a higher position or with a different 1:1 leader, I truly hope things go well and that your feelings and overall experience is validated :hug:

 

[Abstract]

Hi AngleKeeper,

I am sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. Its an awful feeling to have lost that trust in others. A horrible place to find yourself.

When I have lost trust then I find the most stabilising thing is to regain some trust with someone else. And it is the thing that feels the most impossible. Finding such a person is very hard sadly. Especially after something difficult.

I am not sure if I entirely understand what happened but it seems that you were finding some parts of the course very hard and instead of feeling heard you were basically being told to fall in line or take the highway. And publicly.

Although from what I know aspects of DBT is a bit tough love (I have not done the group sessions) it seems very harsh to do this if you were not even stepping on other members or your T's boundaries or the rules of the group.

I hope your lovely psychiatrist can help you find a way through this and forward.

 

[Angelguard]

Thank you both for your kind support, my psych has been a treasure! Phoning me, fitting me into her lunch breaks, she the only one who keeps me going sometimes, and she feels bad as she referred me! But of course the DBT team have all closed ranks and when I did reach out to another 1:1 I had when the Group Leader (and my reg 1:1 was on hold) told me to ring Life Line! It's like I no longer exist!

My psych has approved of a letter to post to "leader" (no attacks! just a please explain so I can learn and grown from this experience and find out where I went wrong and not make the same mistakes again!!) (I am so much of a grown up compared to "leader"!!!!) I probably wont receive an answer but at least I've tried and the psych believes it's about the process for me. But I am still not convinced that I shouldn't take it further up the line!

I get so tired of feeling like a disposable person. I've successfully raised my Autism/Aspergers son so that now with input from me he can live independently, I suffer from chronic pain 24/7 for over 8 years, I take so many medications my chemist sends me a birthday and Christmas card every year! I rattle when I walk!

I try really hard to be a good person a good role model etc. do everything I'm asked and still cop crap from people who should know better! And we are told we should not be judgmental, but it's ok for the leader to judge me in front of every one for something that was her fault because she didn't check her notes! I said how I felt and she could only say she was conscious of the fact that she was ill prepared! I don't get it!

I say how I fell and she says she feels under attack??!! How did she think I felt???
Life is not fair it has never been fair (the childhood I had proves it!) but this is way out of line, and except for my psych I feel invisible, as if I should still be suffering in silence! That's just plain wrong..isn't it?

Sorry for rant and rave! I guess I have to vent and get it off my chest! Argh! Thanks heaps for your support, please take good care. Angelguard xx

 

[Abstract]

Hi Angelkeeper,

Thank you for you kind response. I am sorry you experience this too.

There were just 2 of us and I was behind and out of view and I managed to start taking in the room and saying colours etc to myself and did some very subtle sensory things that helped. I also had to take myself away from my body in a sense and focus on where my body was in the space around me. Feet touching floor etc.

Attempting to "accept" or stay in my body was heading me in a not so great direction but that has left me feeling that I just did not persevere long enough or did something "wrong". Really I know if I continued it wouldn't have been great but it is still confusing.

I shall remember your idea of squeezing a knuckle! And your other helpful ideas. Thank you.

Thank you too for what you said about a pattern of breath etc. I am still learning about what happens for me and why. Some are obvious but others are still a mystery to me.


Hi Hashi,
Thank you. I had a think after I read your reply.

Quote, "When I meditated, even just doing some deep breathing, I was letting that guard down and leaving myself vulnerable to things coming up. The better I could relax/meditate, the more of a risk it was."
I think certain things have started making sense after reading it. It seems I am greatly suspicious of quietness as it puts me into self protective mode or/and brings things up. I can't even sleep without the television, light and computer on.

I have to say I am struggling to envision how I will ever be able to truly be present, completely, and have it work for me. Being mindful in general has been problematic in certain ways.
I don't want anyone to misunderstand me. Mindfulness has changed my life completely and positively. Its just hard imagining taking it to the next level.

It is also hard to know what happened. This incident has made me look back and take stock of exactly what I have and have not done mindfulness wise.

I realised that the type of mindfulness exercises I have done before have focused on body only in how it is placed relating to the outside world. Like feeling where ones feet touch the ground or ones chair. And breathe, but not very inwardly focused on the body, how it feels etc. In truth mostly I have avoided meditations and rather used mindful concepts in general. Or basic visualisations rather than meditations.

All I know is that coming into my body in that way was not helpful. And it made me realise how separate I am to my body - still.

So really if I had to guess I think it might be a combination of both: just plain awareness (that letting things in) and possible connections to things that are directly triggering.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. Its appreciated.

 

[Abstract]

Angelkeeper, if I understand correctly then the T made a mistake because she did not check her notes and then when you said how that made you feel she got defensive and kiccked you out of the group. If that is the case it is just plain weird as well as bad. I am glad you are getting support. I hope you manage to separate her bahviour from DBT as it is helpful.

 

[Angelguard]

When I said to her how I felt (as I've been told to do!) and how up set I was, she said I was "attacking her"??!!!???
(I made a typo in earlier post) I actually said in front of the group I wanted very much to continue with DBT as I only had six weeks left, but felt I had to protect myfelt from being singled out and hurt in that manner etc.

She said she felt under attack! She had to protect herslelf (throwing what I'd said back in my face!) and would no longer see me! There was no one esle to see me due to programme and funding constraints etc, (she had every possible answer down pat! It felt like a converation and more like chess game!) I asked if I could remain in group and no that was not possible and for about the third time in the last 10 months "you remember the contract you signed?"

I fell completely rail roaded! Maybe I should just go over her head to her boss!
She's run this programmed for 5 years and thinks she has complete ownership, in fact she does! Even the other T's are told what to do etc..

Another woman in group backed up in group time everything I said plus more (she also has the same T for 1:1) yet she is still there! When she questioned the T about this, the reply was "because I attacked her"!!! By what??? Defending myself?? Not letting her get away with treating me badly???? Attack???? I don't get it??!!! if anything she attacked and defended!!

What am I missing here? I am so upset and miserable. I self medicate all the time now! Wish I'd never started. Angelguard.

 

[Spiderallis]

My T was offered training in DBT, she's excited. I wanted to learn more about it before saying that I'd try, but now I'm excited too. It sounds like something that will help me a lot and I think she's going to be really good at it.