Dealing With Trauma Anniversary

[Blackjack]

I am guessing that this has been covered before but I am approaching my trauma anniversary and it is always a hard time for me but this is the first year since my diagnosis and I am already struggling with it and it's not until 22 October so a month tomorrow, which in itself is almost like another anniversary. I am starting to get and more intense nightmares and flashbacks and am overthinking it all. The flashbacks are really bad and very disturbing.

To make matters worse my hubby had a supercar driving day for Christmas and he has booked it up for that day and as I bought it for him he is expecting me to go with him. I asked him if he minded going on his own and he blew a fuse, saying I couldn't be bothered to spend the day with him and all the other weekend days are booked up. I just don't know how I am going to cope with the day to be honest. I had a plan in place for the day to try and cope but now that has been blown out of the water. It just proves how little thought or importance he places in what I went through that day. I have told him before how hard I find the anniversary.

If anyone can help or anything I would be so grateful, I don't know what to do and am scared about coping with it.

 

[aut555]

I am guessing that this has been covered before but I am approaching my trauma anniversary and it is...

Wow, that seems insensitive on his part. You are definitely in a choice that leaves no escape. Your dammed if you do......... Ok, back to reality. How about the day before you schedule something for you. A hot stone massage, a walk in the park, a special place you want to go to. Then the next day will have you reflecting on some pleasant memories to help you a bit. Good memory associations do work.

 

[Blackjack]

Aut555, thank you. I am going to go to the crash site, lay some flowers and just be.. Let however I feel happen. I was going to do that on the Saturday morning at the time of the crash, a friend was going to come with me but can't do that now but the Day before will be better than nothing. Thank you so much

 

[aut555]

That's a great thing to do and honor the deceased. My manager of my building just passed and it really has been difficult but l tried to connect with her mother despite our language barrier, l don't speak Russian.

 

[Sherry]

I am guessing that this has been covered before but I am approaching my trauma anniversary and it is...

Hi Blackjack. I have had 20 years worth of anniversaries. And they really dont seem to get much easier. Its really difficult every year. For me I think this year was one of my worst. Not sure if it was because of the 20 years, (mine is actually 29th Feb, so it only comes around every 4 years) but certainly this year my flashbacks, vivid nightmares and extreme anxiety was the worse in a long time. It may also have had something to do with the fact that I had only officially been diagnosed with PTSD one year earlier? I really dont know.

I dont know how to make it any easier. But I have been told to try to do something nice and special. Something that will help to instill a good memory to try to take over the bad ones from previous years.

It does seem quite insensitive of your hubby to organise this car thing on the actual anniversary date. Did he realise when he booked? Perhaps he just thinks you need to confront it head on and then miraculously all will be well. People really dont understand do they?

 

[MeAnon]

Dealing with that myself - 23 yrs tomorrow for me. Still haven't found a way to make it easier ......

 

[ahershey]

I am guessing that this has been covered before but I am approaching my trauma anniversary and it is...

I have a noted a lack of support, understanding, and acknowledgement regarding my PTS issues. Unfortunately, I have stopped expecting my loved ones for the above. PTS is a lonely thing. Yet, being alone and doing things alone, for myself only, has helped my healing process.

I don't talk to those close to me about the anniversaries, or the other times I feel my worst. I go (usually with two small kiddos) on a drive or a walk. If it's a particularly bad episode, or could be, I find a spot of scenic beauty and remove myself from the world, as much as I can. I focus on the beauty of a sunset or waterfall. And breathe. I remove myself from those who don't understand and take a "me" day. Treat it like its my birthday. Usually, I have my kiddos and I try to treat them, as well.

I have experienced very bad anniversaries, and milder ones. I always get nightmares in the weeks leading up to the event. Use them as an alert system reminding yourself that it is a fragile time, the best time to employ whatever therapies help one most.

Good luck.

 

[Sherry]

Dealing with that myself - 23 yrs tomorrow for me. Still haven't found a way to make it easier ......[/Q...

I will be thinking of you tomorrow MeAnon. All the best to you. :)

 

[Sherry]

I have a noted a lack of support, understanding, and acknowledgement regarding my PTS issues. Unfor...

Welcome to you AHerShyKiss, I see this was your first post. I loved your reply too. Like you, I also start to get frequent nightmares in the 2-3 weeks leading up an anniversary. I like the way you think of that though .... an alert system. Good thinking. I will try to think of it like that come next February, which will be my 21st anniversary. I am happy to hear that you are able to take yourself somewhere just for you (and the kids) and to enjoy nature. I am also like you in that I never tell anybody else when I am going through a particularly tough time. I keep this to myself. I agree that it is very much a "ME" day.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I know I'm a little late adding on to this link. I'm sorry about that. I really wish I'd seen it sooner. It's just very relevant to me. I have 2 significant anniversaries and one was October 16h. 4th year.

Some really supportive responses here. I feel recognized and validated just by reading this. I too try to have a plan, but it doesn't always work the way I think it will or should. I realize I have to be flexible, but the day itself still comes no matter how badly I want to turn back the calendar or clock.

I feel a lot of anticipatory anxiety leading up to these days. Some people say I'm too "date" conscious. Too focused on actual numbers. I don't know if that's true, but right now, my heart is still hurting. My baby girl would have been 4 this past Sunday. A birthday never changes.

I went to the spot where I buried what I had of her and dug up some earth. I also picked up some small rocks, sawdust from a cross that had been taken down. Bought a plant and potted it at home. It's special to me because it has life in it as well as the scent of the ground where my baby's things are. (happens to be a very nice soft earthy smell). So now I have the plant. I decorated the top of the soil with the rocks, pieces of wood and sawdust from the cross.

I don't think grief has an end. What we do with it or how we handle it can change from year to year. I was in a very uplifting mood last year and enjoyed going up to her spot. I thought that I'd finally turned a corner - maybe I had - but this year was sooo difficult.

I really feel for you @Blackjack I'll be thinking of you on Saturday. I do hope you will be able to receive some of what you need to get through both the night before and the day of.