(((Heather))) :hug: I'm SO SORRY, that you are experiencing such sorrow. You must have loved Nick and Marsha very much! Such loss and grief never completely goes away, because the love you have for them doesn't go away. Of course, you will grieve, especially during the month that your life changed so drastically, and your heart was broken!:hug:
I know, my friend, (I feel that we are all friends here) that you would rather NOT feel this grief, but I doubt if you regret the knowing and loving of your friends. Deep grief shows that you LOVE DEEPLY! You honor them with your LOVE!:hug:
The extent that we grieve, kind of matches the extent and depth that you loved them. You can also celebrate them, their lives, the affect they had on your life, BEFORE they left the realm of earth.
They still exist in your heart, and soul, and you don't have to let that go! I do think that they would not want you to grieve, because they loved you, but we don't have control over our feelings. They just ARE what they are. Not right or wrong, just present.
I truly understand, as much as possible, grief that "the world" thinks should be "over" or
"dealt with". Grief is SO VERY UNPREDICTABLE! Some years will be better or worse than others.
Your post is special to me...as I am dealing with a grief that I had thought was "tucked away" in a safe and quiet "place." My little girl, who was profoundly retarded, died in my arms 23 years ago in November.
Over the weekend, because I was visiting my son, and his family, I was in close contact with my children's father. (That had not occurred for over 30 years/he lives with my son now)
This brought up HUGE, painful, and vivid emotional, and mental anguish, and I am still
"rocked" by this event.
I just lit a candle for you, your friends, and for myself, and my little girl. I know she is at peace, and is perfectly healed, but I still miss her presence!
I don't mean to make this about me... I just wanted to share with you that my heart aches for YOU, as well, in YOUR GRIEF!!!
I understand, without knowing exactly how you feel!
I can't imagine having to go through what you went through! How could it NOT affect you in some way for the rest of your life?
Don't let anyone who tells you that you should be "over it" even affect you! They have not walked in your shoes, and MAYBE they are trying to help, but they ARE NOT!
Try not to even tell yourself that!
The stages of grief, go up and down...not in an orderly way....but in a different pattern for every person.
(((Heather)))
Be kind to yourself, and let yourself "feel". It's healthy, and okay to cry.
Blessings and Hugs:hug:
AKJ
