Delay In Processing Emotions?

[p-no]

Gosh, I so relate, @bell

I am so incredibly slow in processing emotions, I can not really react in real time. Like, almost ever.
Also, the more stress I experience, the harder it gets to process emotions and then thoughts.

The only thing that has helped me is practice, keeping stress as low as possible, and slowing down everything. Like, snail speed. I am not joking. If I want to be in reality, acting and reacting in real time as much as I possibly can, I am not able to work and not able to meet with friends more than once a week.

 

[Rumors]

@D123
I freeze up and just end up saying, "I am not sure." Great response, eh? I panic thinking I may have to discuss a feeling. Yikes! Way scary!

 

[EverOnly358]

@Rumors,

LOL! Thanks for this comment. It's better than what I do!!! If I don't immediately clam up, then I'm wade in and make absolutely no sense and then I start crying, then I dissociate, and then I start talking like a robot on speed. It's not a pretty picture, LOL! :laugh: It just helps to laugh about it here, though, and to know I'm not alone. (I mean not alone in experiencing problems with recognizing and expressing emotions... I do know I'm the only one who handles it the way I do, ending up as a robot talking a mile a minute with a tear-streaked face... that's unique, I think, to me. :laugh:) I really did think I was the only one who had problems with emotions. I *really* appreciate this thread.

D123

 

[bell]

@Rumors, yeah, it's hard, isn't it? I try to ask myself what I am feeling sometimes and it just all goes kablooey and I end up trying to distract myself (lately it's been by eating... gah, which only makes me more ashamed!) My "I am not sure" is, "I don't know" times a million, which doesn't help anything!

@D123, agreed that when the moment out comes to express things and I've figured some things out, I can't do it! Grrrr. So! Frustrating! I start disassociating, too and everything gets all fuzzy and then I have to practically take a "time out" like a toddler in order to get myself back together. Gah.

@p-no, yep, the more stress I experience, the worse I get, too. :( Then I just get frustrated and don't know what to do with myself sometimes to calm me down... even though "logically" I know all the steps/methods to take. I am advocate of taking things super slow, too. "Snail speed," I like it!

 

[EverOnly358]

@bell, I love the idea of giving myself PTSD timeouts, though. Sometimes I just keep moving and moving until I lose it. Maybe when I start feeling overwhelmed, I should actually stop and take a few minutes for myself. LOL!

I really empathize with you, though. This is ridiculous, but when I actually have to address feelings with others... I end up writing what I want to say out like 10 times and eventually I can condense it down to something that makes some sort of sense... and then I can actually talk properly. I mean, it's far from perfect, but it's better than my other methods, so I've been trying it out. Baby steps.

Oh, and I started this document on my hard-drive to read through... because when I'm upset or depressed or overwhelmed with emotions, I CANNOT remember the good things I'm supposed to be doing or thinking. I forget all the things that I know would help. So, like, I actually wrote a list of things to do to make myself feel better, and at the top, it says, "I deserve to feel better, so it's totally okay for me to..." and listed things like "watch Tangled" or "hide in my closet with my stuffed animals" or "ignore my family for a little bit and take time for myself." (Yes, I'm 40, this is kinda pathetic, but it works for me. :laugh:)

 

[bell]

That's GREAT that you have something written on your computer to look at, @D123! Because we do tend to forget the good things... annoyingly. (And at 38, I know what you mean about feeling pathetic about wanting/feeling certain things!) :)

 

[DMerish]

I'm a bit late jumping in, Bell, and haven't read all the other posts - just some. I think becoming disconnected from emotions or not being able to figure out what you're feeling is pretty common for PTSD sufferers. I know it's certainly true for me. And, I know that some emotions that come up are sometimes one emotion will surface when there's another underneath that's more true. Some time ago, I journaled every day and had to use a list of emotions to help me identify what I felt. Sometimes I still need to go back to the list and it can take me days to uncover what I felt/feel accurately. When emotions come up I tend to inwardly freeze, then immediately take flight or fight, then intellectualize what I felt, and then I kind of work backwards to figure the whole thing out. The time it takes annoys me! :mad:

 

[bell]

Thanks for your kind reply, @DMerish! I hate that it's so darn hard to match the emotions with events, I feel like I'm stuck inside the children's game Memory, trying to figure out what goes where at times. All that time it takes annoys me, too! So incredibly annoying! I just hope that maybe with a lotta work, the time in between will get short enough that I can properly react to things in real time, not on a several-day delay!

 

[EverOnly358]

Hey, just one more thought. I've really been listening to a lot of music, and I'm starting to realize when certain songs help me to relate to certain events and certain feelings. The more I do it, the more I realize... I just queued up this song... oh, that means I'm really sad and probably reliving this event. I just queued up that song... even though I can't really feel it, somewhere deep inside I know I must be feeling SUPER ANGRY. Anyways... thought it might help as another method.

 

[bell]

Ooh, good idea, @D123! Definitely worth a try!

 

[bell]

So... I'm writing this morning and wondering if maybe all of this is just a big ol' fear of moving forward. And that feeling emotion means moving forward and moving forward means I'm going to have to go through all that I did when I first felt emotions at all... It just now means tearing up and crying when I take steps to move forward, because they're so far out of my comfort zone. (Yet, pathetically, "normal" decisions for most peeps... But when you've kept yourself masked/trapped for so long, little things equal big things.)

And I'm scared because I have no one there to protect me when I stumble. But... maybe if I did, it would be a false crutch anyway, so it's better than I'm alone while I figure all of this out.

Wondering if this makes any sense to any one but me? (Hoping... not?)

Edited to add: And it's not helping that this all makes me feel so very pathetic. Like I'm a child discovering the world again, but in an adult body. Gah. No wonder we feel like no one will anyone understand... especially when we all feel like incredibly tall toddlers trying to do adult things *and* remain undetected!

 

[EverOnly358]

@bell,

I think I kinda get it. There is so much fear involved with this for me, I think. Experiencing emotions is really scary. Then actually expressing emotions is worse. I don't know... this has been my week (since Saturday)... made great progress on difficult PTSD stuff and had an odd moment of calm, where things made sense for a minute, where I could see the goal line, the light at the end of the tunnel. Then the fallout... calm shot straight to total depression and hitting the bottom of the pit. So, then I tried to reach out for help (totally out of my comfort zone, I usually just count on myself) and tried to explain just what I was going through... it was all emotional stuff, nothing I could explain on an intellectual level. And I reached out to friends and family for help because I was in a really bad place. And it was a total disaster. I mean... really, I screwed things up left and right, but it was because I was really, really low and needed help but was completely unable to explain what I was feeling or why I was feeling that way, even though on some level, I did know. (That's a confusing sentence... and totally expresses the confusion I felt, too).

It was finally the seventh time I asked someone for help that anything good happened at all. So... I don't know... sometimes it's just good to realize that you're scared but that you're going to have to do it for yourself. That you may stumble, but that you're going to be able to pull yourself back up, too. I don't know what's right. I know that I went from bad day to really, really, horrible this past weekend (when I tried to reach out for help), to eventually feeling a little bit better Tuesday and Wednesday when the seventh time I reached out for help actually had a positive result. I don't know... would it have just been better if I kept it all to myself and counted on myself? I'm thinking maybe yes, maybe no. But no where is the grass really greener.

I know this isn't exactly the same or anything Bell, I'm not even sure if it makes sense? But, y'know, at least you'll know you're not the only one struggling, maybe that will help a little bit, I hope.

D123

Gah. No wonder we feel like no one will anyone understand... especially when we all feel like incredibly tall toddlers trying to do adult things *and* remain undetected!

This is why I like to hang out in my bedroom watching Tangled. Then I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not (y'know... a fully functioning, responsible adult who can handle everyday tasks like a normal person -- I am definitely not there yet).