Denial Is A Part Of Ptsd

[Friday]

It was pointed out to me yesterday that "Denial is a part of PTSD." in reference to a behavior I didn't /don't understand (blaming others for our own decisions).

Now, I tend to either overthink or underthink things (C'mon brain! Let's meet in the middle!) ... And I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this concept & could use some help.

Off the cuff, I know how I use denial (I'm fine!), and thinking more on it, it seems to dovetail rather neatly into all the "I can't" stuff (see rather brilliant post I Can't, Because......... by @intothelight ), and thinking more on it; I hung out rather cheerfully for a year pretending my son was at my mom's instead of with HeWhoShallNotBeNamed, before that particular fantasy crashed down around my ears, and a few other things.

So I'm turning this concept around and over a bunch, trying to see where this shit is useful, or harmful, or was useful now harmful, how it applies to different things, and am curious. How have you used denial? Where do you struggle with it, or does it trip you up, or put it to use?

 

[The Albatross]

Personally I don't see that denial is ever useful... and expect to be beaten about the head and shoulders for saying that... but short term comfort is of little value to me, really.

 

[Ronin]

I went on denial like a fuel, for a pretty long time. (The other fuel being anger.)

Bad things that were happening to others and I couldn't help? There'll be a chance to fix them!

(Being emotionally realistic about it, knowing there will be no fix what so ever? I'd have stopped trying & dropped dead. I'd have stopped being the one telling them we'll find SOME way out of there, so goddamn listen to me, work with me, you're more brilliant than me amigo and this clutz Cashew needs your input.)

Eventually 'I'm X weeks and Y states away from it, let's focus on different things'. Shrug.

I wouldn't say denial isn't useful. It can be life saving.

That still doesn't make it a good thing. Just a shit thing for shittier situations ensuring slightly less shit outcome.

Putting it to better use... I'm trying, but that means I need to be aware of a support network. Something that's flushed in and out, and far from ingrained, yet.

 

[sun seeker]

How have you used denial? Where do you struggle with it, or does it trip you up, or put it to use?

I'm not sure I do this with denial, but am becoming aware of how often I let myself stay in dissociation and avoidance (including daydreaming, I suppose that's a kind of denial) because I don't WANT to be in the present, reminded that it's 2015 and that my feet are on the floor, it's just stopped raining, my left foot is itchy, or whatever grounding techniques they might be... because to notice the present moment is to feel, and what I feel is mostly pretty crappy. That's not exactly the same thing you're describing, but it sounds close. I would guess both are coping strategies we use when there isn't much else we can think of that works better.

 

[City Slicker]

hmmm...
there is a fine line between denial and courage.

I can see situations for what they are 'when I am ready' - is that denial or is it simply a growth process?

Sometimes I see apparent futility in what I am trying to accomplish but I am going for it balls deep anyway. Is that courage?

Denial has an aspect of judgement - in other words, usually I think of denial when someone else has an investment in wanting me to see something that I either am not in a place to see it or I simply don't agree with their perception.

An interesting thread. I am still pondering.

 

[scout86]

You mean the river in Egypt, right?

I do the "I'm FINE!" variation a lot. Although I also may have some legitimate trouble knowing when I'm actually "not fine". I tend not to notice that stuff. Which may be part of "denial" I guess. (If I don't look, I can't see it and if I can't see it, it's not there?) And then, if maybe I'm not "fine" do I have any business bothering anyone, looking for help? Because I really "ought to" just suck it up and solve my own problems, right? Too complicated! It's easier to go with "I'm fine!"

My T is a big fan of operating with the most "up to date, accurate information available". Doing that eliminates a lot of the denial options. Besides, seems like what ever you're denying eventually catches up with you. And you might not see it coming, because you were busy denying it's existence.

Do we know that it's a part of PTSD? Those of you who got PTSD as adults, did you embrace denial at the same time? Lots of people who DON'T have PTSD use denial too, don't they?

Off the cuff, I know how I use denial (I'm fine!), and thinking more on it, it seems to dovetail rather neatly into all the "I can't" stuff

How does that work, in your experience? (And yeah that was an excellent topic!)

 

[Ronin]

My T is a big fan of operating with the most "up to date, accurate information available".

This one is an excellent point.

Usually what people tell me when I'm head deep in denial and hardly snappable out.

Why be operating on old, distorted, both, or otherwise inaccurate info, when there's fresh yummy salad you can chew on? :p:banghead:

 

[Peach]

As a regular Joe, just trying to make my way through life - the best way I can and trying to achieve my dreams and goals - I think denial is a natural part of self-preservation.

Denial comes up by itself when something becomes too much. Whatever it is, our stress levels have already probably been jacked way up and your mind knows that you just can't deal with THAT right now, on top of everything else. So you subconsciously deny it's happening or that it's having as big an impact on you as it actually is. You're still aware that IT'S going on, turning it over and working on a solution in the back of your head, but it's not getting your full attention. When some other fires have been put out and you have the mental capacity to take on a new one, it'll be there, ready and waiting. And maybe by now, since the problem had set up shop in your brain a while ago, you might have a better idea about how to fix it now that it can be properly addressed.

In short, it's probably good to be aware of denial when it's happening, but it's not all together bad that it exists.

 

[Changing4Best]

I don't know if this counts or not, but for a long time I had a problem with saying the word "No." It just was not a part of my vocabulary and this got me into all kinds of trouble! These days I know I have this weakness, so it is not as bad as it once was. Still, saying "No." is not easy for me.

There was a man once who made endless passes at me when I was married. I loved that someone thought I was pretty and all, but even though I said "No." over and over, this man just didn't want to accept it. This was a real problem for me for many years. Finally, now that my husband is no longer in this world, this man has stopped this. I guess it was all about forbidden fruit to him or something. I was never really interested in him in that way, anyway. I liked him as a friend, which I probably should not have done, as that just lead him on, I guess. That was naive of me, to think we could be friends. I should have shut the door on him altogether! We live and we learn, I guess....

 

[Gadgie]

Maybe the reason that he stopped the flirting after your husband passed, might mean that he respects you too much.

Maybe he still has feelings for you, but feels awkward due to your bereavement, and doesn't know how to approach you.

There is nothing wrong in having him as a friend, if that's what you want, but tell him that's as far as it goes as far as you concerned.

Personally, I don't have any friends, as I'm not really a people person, maybe because I've never been out of the house for the past seven years, due to caring for my late wife.

To have a friend would be nice, but Ive been alone for so long now, I'm getting used to it.

 

[Dana1010]

My first thought when I saw this thread was, "uh no, denial causes PTSD." Denial has a relation to trauma, I think. As duely noted already, denial is a defense mechanism that kicks in when we're overwhelmed by some circumstance that would be unbearable if faced head-on. But what happens to a meltdown deferred? I used to think if you just "kept your head" and compartmentalized and rationalized your way through stuff, you'd make it out the other side undamaged, because it's all in your mind, right? Look how wrong you can be. Your body--or your unconscious or...something--knows it's trauma--you can try to psyche yourself out all you want.

I've thought a lot about where trauma actually hides out while we're in denial and how you can feel fine while something is taking place and then remember it later and feel like a bomb is exploding in you. I'm still stumped by the logistics, but I've had to conclude that in some ways, your body is smarter than your mind.

I think denial is useful when your mind-body deems it useful--basically only when it's an unconscious, automatic, desperate last resort. Once you start to realize it's denial, it's no longer desirable or even possible to keep using it. Like a magic trick once explained, it can never fool you again, however you may want it to.

PTSD is what happens when you start to peel back the denial and the trauma starts coming out of wherever it was hiding like impacted, fetid crap you've been holding in. It's hard giving up denial. After taking a hard look at things in therapy, I often wake up in the night feeling like one terrified, sensitive nub with nothing to hold onto. It's no wonder we want to give some shelter to that nub by telling useful lies to ourselves sometimes...