Desire To Know Abusers Criminal History. Just Me?

[EveHarrington]

But what purpose would knowing all of that information serve? That's what I'm wondering.

 

[mytai]

@EveHarrington Validation. And with the DID I am missing so many chunks that having the years of his convictions and sentences will help better space out and get further in our healing path. We get hung up a lot on timelines and it is frustrating and seems quite trivial. Like why does it matter when it happened, it should only matter that it happened, but it does matter to us.

Plus we have a part (alter, whatever you want to call us) that still doesn't understand that he is bad, not safe, and she continues to make contact with him. This information provided by the law will help her see and understand that he is bad, he isn't safe, that she cannot be near him anymore. It's like a last ditch effort to shake some sense into her. She's young, and too trusting of him. Believes his lies, legal records show a history, show that he lied to her repeatedly.

 

[EveHarrington]

I understand better now. I think your reasons for wanting the records are good ones. I was just afraid that you wanted the records for reasons that might hurt your healing, but it sounds like you actually need the records in order to heal.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Validation

I hear you, I do, but lets play what if for a minute. What if he got no time or an extra light sentence, or what if he was found innocent (unsure if this is a basic that you know) but for every one else. Before you do it, play the what if he/she/they never got found guilty, will that validate you?

My family all abandoned me, they google me to print out shit to cause drama, they hold their kids hostage from me (including pictures), they call my doctors, and the only 2 that will talk to me also dont believe me, all because i told the truth about my past. My abuser were never 'outed' by me or anyone, never convicted of anything and carried on.

It sucks, and very badly hurts but you know what i learned through it all? f*ck THEM! IT HAPPENED! I vailidate me. My flashbacks & dreams helped me to piece together all of the majorly fragmented memories. My therapist also vailidates me. All of my issues, my 'cues', and even the way i talk about it is all in line of major trauma and also some Stolkholm as i stuck up for them madly for 6 yrs in therapy and first typed then said the words i needed to here. Also we vaildate you. You dont need to look up criminal history for vailidation. Also you likely have a expectation and that leaves you open for disapointment along with a shitload of what ifs.

Sure, if they got 20 yrs or something then thats vaildation but what if they didnt, what if they didnt get any time? What then?

Just my 4 cents...

 

[ghotiff]

I remember being at the police station as a child waiting to pick my first abuser out from a line up. I was told (after a long wait) that he admitted it so I didn't have to do the line up. I had understood that he went to jail.

I rang the police station about a year ago wanting more info than I remembered and told them the people and dates etc they told me there was no record of anything. This sent me into a tailspin of thinking i made it all up. I was very lucky that my sibling remembered me going and verified details without me telling them first.

It took me a long time to get over that phone call. Maybe you get a good result, maybe you don't though.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It took me a long time to get over that phone call. Maybe you get a good result, maybe you don't though.

Right, that was sort of my alternate view. What if it doesnt vaildate you, what if they arent found guilt, what then?

If you can still be ok...well then do it. But if you cant, then i wouldnt as you are searching for something to vaildate you and it may go exact opposite....theres an expectation on that and you leave yourself open for severe disappointment that might have devesating results.

So for anyone wanting to, id play the what if game to yourself and make sure that you will be ok if no criminal action occured.

 

[mytai]

@lostforgottensoul I already know that he was convicted and has a lengthy criminal record. I'm looking for more than just the overview my T gave me, I'm looking for the details of what charges were laid. So the uncertainty of charges/criminal action not being there doesn't exist because I already know that it's there. It takes the risk out of it for me.

 

[scout86]

@mytai , are court records public in Canada? Here, they are, at least for adults. If you have enough information, here, you could go the the Court Administrator's office and get a lot of information. It would require not only knowing his name, but at least the approximate dates of the trials, etc. I have no idea how the system is structured there, but there must be an office that's in charge of paperwork for the jurisdiction where he was tried. Here, MOST of that information would be stored at the county level. My experience dealing with the Court Administrator's office in several counties in the US has been good. I'm sure, like anywhere else, the individuals you run into are to vary. But, I've had good luck going in with the approach, "Hi, I don't know much about how your office works and I don't know whether or not you can help me, but this is what I'm looking for....." Usually, even if they can't help me, they know who can. It sounds like you might have enough information to at least begin the process of unraveling his criminal history by starting with the particular charges you know about.

 

[scout86]

I did some more looking. Sounds like Canada is quite a bit different that the US! You might check this link out.Dead Link Removed

One of the things they mention there is the, if you can find the name of one of the police officers involved in the case, they can and maybe will, help you get more information.

 

[mytai]

@scout86 thanks so much. I will try that out. If all else fails I have a customer that I've become friend with that is a police detective, I could try asking him as a last resort to look into getting the details (if he's allowed).

Thanks for giving me some more resources scout, I get overwhelmed with the volume of stuff to read through and often don't even get to the point where I have any knowledge on what steps to take.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@mytai i understand, I was more posting it for you (in case there was info like legnth for example) but also for everyone else intrested in this