Desperate For Some Help And Relief.

[BloomInWinter]

Went to the VA yesterday. 2 hours of talking to a trainee. When will I be important enough to see someone Allready trained. Y can't I see a real doctor. They don't take you serious tillyour dead. How u get real help without a gun to your head. I feel my deth could change the treatment of others. I feel cornered and yet very much alone

((((ThomasUSArmy)))))

Please keep sharing. We're listening. I hear your pain.

There are not enough people trained in trauma for all who need it, and your courage in sharing your pain is really important to all.

Please call your congressman and ask for a meeting, then share your story. Ask for fast-tracking. That's why they have an office. Ours has been wonderful in getting quiet help for our suffering vets.

You are NOT invisible to me. Your pain is reaching me. I will be contacting my congressman tomorrow morning in your honor to DEMAND more suuport for our vets. (I won't mention you or this forum...no worries)

You have witness, allies, and friends here.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi Thomas, I'd like to say a gun at your head would help but I doubt it.
I think that you should persevere, because you will find someone who helps you, and who doesn't need that, either. They're just 'rare'. I am so sorry this is your experience, don't let ptsd color your response to it if you are able as others here need 'you' and your input.
I'm so sorry, ((Hugs)) if ok.

 

[ThomasUSArmy]

I feel different today, like my time is up. I did the best I could do to get through this. I am just not strong enough to get through this. It is so much stronger than me. I really feel nothing but well nothing at all. I might go to the VA. I might call a different hospital but today is the last day I am putting up with this bullshit. I am so proud of all of you that are doing well now. And in a way felt like I had a friend who understands, but that dose not make it better. In a way I feel even more guilty for dragging all of you through this just as I have my family. I am not a bad person but I JUST CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Thomas, you must shake yourself out of this despair.
I recognize these thoughts.
You're talking yourself into suicide, and you need to stop doing that and call both a suicide prevention hotline, and go to the VA or good trauma hospital and check yourself back in, today, for safety.

You will get through this. This is not you, this is despair and exhaustion talking.

I hear how much pain you're in, how desperate you feel - I know and understand and feel this pain. But the pain is temporary. Don't let it win. You must survive. Suicide is not an option, going to the hospital for help, now, is.

Please live Thomas... Please go now to the hospital. We love you and we care very much about you.
Please promise to check yourself into the VA or Trauma hospital.
I'm very proud of YOU, beloved Thomas... You're a very good person, and of course you can't do this anymore, not on your own. But, you CAN do this with help.

I love you... don't kill my heart by killing you...
((((((((((Thomas)))))))))))

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Thomas, I get it. Sleep first, or walk. And eat, even though you don't want to.

Only a very good person would care what this illness puts their family through. But don't put them through more, -believe me, they need you, as do others.

 

[femaleveteran]

Hey thomas...I hope you are okay. I am currently going through what you are going through as well with regards to the VA. I think you are tremendously strong. I do not know of much else to say as I am new here too and was just diagnosed with PTSD about 4 months ago.

I have only been a member of this forum for a day. However, the people seem to really care and I am sure you will find help here.

Take care and I will be thinking of you

 

[Iron_Angel]

Hi Thomas,
Big hugs from me too, and a reminder that you're not alone anymore. We all may be connected only by wires and electricity, but at a deeper level everyone here is connected by an understanding of what you're going through. I am very grateful for the immense service you have done for your countrymen. I know it was very hard at times.

You must be a very caring, compassionate person for you to feel things so deeply, and that courageous heart is needed in the world. Please hang on. Just take things one day at a time, and if that seems like too much of an effort, hang on for one hour or even one minute at a time.

You are not crazy to feel what you feel, you are not coming apart just because the world seems to be spinning around you. It's okay to be a little selfish and look after yourself as priority number 1. There IS a way through, step by step; it may feel slow but it's sure, and steady, and safe.

Talking to a trainee may have been a blessing in disguise. Someone who is new to treating people with PTSD has no pre-conceptions, and is much more open to listening than someone who "has seen it all". Take the value out of whatever interaction you had with them and concentrate on that. It's going to be okay.

 

[alixipain]

Well I made it through the day. Now the night. I am scared

Brother if you wish to scream SCREAM! If you want to cry CRY! All the VA will do is make you a pill popper. They don't focus on the real problem they just want to keep their property promptly ready for deployment.

The hardest thing I had to do is explain as vague as I could to a fellow soldiers wife what had occurred, I couldn't tell her how nor were, had to be vague in a major sence. Having a cold heart to crying women helped in a way, but still he was my best friend, basic at Fort Sill all the way to the end at Fort Bragg.

Like me you need help but I don't turn to the VA because they will pimp me to drug companies, slowly the government is working on the combat vets. I see it this way very little way to late.

We shed our blood and our souls for freedom, not our own, but for others to enjoy what we Americans sometimes take for granted, freedom from repression, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and the freedom to prosper. Never mind the combat soldier and their family that gives up their freedom to serve as a hand of the government.

Help is out there. I go to a non profit organisation for my help & T. Stand tall brother, fear is you being sane, its when you don't fear then we need to get you to a hospital. The pain issue I wont touch for I know where your coming from with it, I'm a former cutter. *was on a NATO Detail in Zepa, Bosnia/Herzegovina

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the site Thomas :)

I can relate to the feelings of I need help and I mean NOW!! I would strongly suggest heading back to the hospital if you feel like you are not getting it on the outside, especially if you feel like you may be a danger to your self. It just may take that for the system to 'get it' and that you need help and you need it NOW!! You might be able to request a patient advocate there while feeling much more safe than you are feeling right now.

I had to go in and out the first couple of times because, similar to you, I just could not get established on the outside and was not getting the help or guidance I needed. I have no idea what state or country you live in but there are phone numbers you can call that can help you find the resources you are seeking. The problem is nobody seems to be able to pass that info along. I have no idea why. The Blue Pages of the phone book -how archaic that is-but that's a great place to begin. Another is here where other people that have gone before you have found the places and know the ropes. I knew nothing and learned so much.

Please hang in there and try not to get too discouraged by the 'system'. It is set-up to weed out those whom they assume don't really qualify, when in reality it is just a mass of hoops and tunnels to get through to find the help. We are here for you and hope you know this.

Rain

 

[ThomasUSArmy]

I made it through yesterday! I have no idea how... Today is just ok. thanks for all the support it really helped

 

[BloomInWinter]

I made it through yesterday! I have no idea how... Today is just ok. thanks for all the support it really helped

Good for you, Thomas!!!

This book saved my life, and now several of us in my support group have it. We use the skills, readings as basis for our meetings. It's a great resource for the newly diagnosed and their families....

Dead Link Removed

I don't know about the Vet's one but someone recommended it to one of our members.
Dead Link Removed

Wishing you strength, hope, and healing...

 

[ThomasUSArmy]

Wow I am overwhelmed with anger and emotions. The VA hospital just called to inform me I have PTSD. I guess talking to 5 different doctors at the hospital helped not to mention the police at my door doing a safety check because I am freaking out. The different hospitals I have been locked up in. The countless times I wake up with flashbacks then the flashbacks happen during the day. Now everything is so bad I don't leave my house except to go to the hospital. The days I don't think of killing myself are eayser to count than the days I feel fine. Wow really I have PTSD.....I am so angry at how hard it was to get this put on paper by the VA. If it was not for the support I get from my wife I would have and should have been dead and barried by now. This is so WRONG WRONG WRONG I was told Tuesday if I have PTSD I could get some help soon if not I am on a 3 month waiting list.....no matter if I have PTSD or just depressed if someone feels like killing themselves ther should not be a waiting list.......I can not describe how mad I am at the system and how long it has taken... I guess I am so mad because this is the worst suffering I have ever experienced in my life. I am a wild life photographer and I had a grizzly LICK MY CAMERA in Alaska 2 years ago and not to mention my experiences in the army. No fear in my life ever compared to what I live with now. I just can not express how mad I am. I feel like cutting, I feel like screaming. I feel like well do be honest I have no idea how I am feeling right now. The emotions are so very strong and overwhelming. I don't know if this makes sence but I really can't rationally process all the feelings I am having at the moment. I think this is going to be a very bad evening. I really need your input at the moment. I really need a friend in San Diego that understands