Sexual Assault Devastating News After Being Raped

[Starlite]

Three weeks ago I posted on this site for the firs time about my attack. I was raped at a party by I believe 3 different guys. Since then I haven't been able to sleep really well been waking up from nightmares, having flashbacks and just been having a really terrible time coping with all of this.

With all of this I didn't realize I'm late getting my period. This morning I went to get a test and took it. I can't believe the results. The test came out positive. This cannot be happening to me right now. I cannot be pregnant from those creeps who raped me. I cannot deal with this right now. I'm still trying to deal with the nightmares and flashbacks. I can't even think straight rite now. I don't know what to do. I just can't believe it. I'm shaking and crying and I feel so helpless. Why me? Am I being punished for something I've done? I just can't seem to ever get a break. I'm so tired of feeling used. Feeling the hurt and pain. I'm so confused and frustrated with myself. I could've possibly prevented this. I should've never went out. I should've stayed home. I wouldn't have gotten raped and I wouldn't have became pregnant because of the rape.

 

[violetclouds]

Oh my Starlite - that is a shocking bit of news for you. Try to take time to breathe - even with this you have time to calm yourself and think it through once the shock of it wears off a little. And as horrible as it is to have conceived through a rape- maybe you are not being punished but being given a gift - something wonderful as a beautiful child to kind of 'redeem' the awfulness of it - I don't know - just a thought. Remember that any child you give birth to - should you choose to - is as much or more a part of YOU than part of the rapist. Be kind to you - you didn't cause this and are not responsible for it . Peace

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I am sorry you have to deal with that but keep in mind that those pee on a stick things aren't very reliable and they aren't doctor's offices. Not trying to minimize the amount of hurt, confusion and anxiety you must be in but get yourself tested by a doctor. You could be late for your period becasue you have been under so much stress.

None of this is your fault.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, get tested by a doctor, by all means. Did you report the rape. If not, can you identify the guys? It may be that you will have to sue for paternity tests and find out who the father is if you are pregnant. If not, well then just feel some relief on that. None the less, I agree that a child is a gift and a life and should be loved when it is born. Please consider adoption if you don't want such a child (if you are pregnant). However, no matter what, get yourself tested for all sexually transmitable diseases if you have not already done so. And may God be with you.

About this being some kind of punishment, don't think that way. This world is one of chaos and so much random crime these days. Rape is up there in the numbers of frequency these days too, and not only women are being raped either! It is an awful crime. Also, please don't blame yourself! You did not bring this on yourself. None the less, do take care from now on. Go out with some girlfriends, beware of any men following you and if so, try to get to a crowded place as soon as possible. If someone is following you when you are driving, (and keep a watch on this when you are out at night especially though it can happen during the day too) drive to a police station and sit in their parking lot for awhile. If none is nearby, drive to a crowded place and be sure your doors are locked!

 

[Sarah542]

I agree with Ayesha and Violetclouds. Stress causes periods to be late. The more you worry the later it is. However get yourself tested by a doctor. And I too think you aren't responsible for what happened to you. It was their actions not yours. I am sorry to hear this but I believe you will come out of this a very strong person.

 

[anonymous]

While there are plenty of things that can cause a missed period, it's pretty unheard of to get a false positive from a home pregnancy test. False negatives can happen if you're not far along enough to have enough hCG hormone in your system yet. If you go to a doctor and tell them you had a positive home pregnancy test and ask them to run a test to confirm, they may do it for you but they'll also tell you it's not necessary. If the home test says you're pregnant, you're pregnant.

 

[Starlite]

I have an appointment this Friday to get the tests done for STI's. When I called the doctor to ask about when I should get tested after having unprotected sex with someone ( I did not tell them about the rape) they said it would be better to wait a couple of weeks so if I was infected with anything it would definitely show up. Also we could do a pregnancy test if I did not get my period by then. I guess I just have to wait till then. But as @anonymous stated a false positive test is less likely than a false negative. I have never been late on a period since I was 11and the few times I was late I ended up being pregnant ending in miscarriages except for the one son I do have that is now 10. Thanks for all the support. This is just really hard for me right now and I have so many mixed feelings going through me.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Oh my gosh I cannot believe what I've just read , please tell the dr you've been raped or tell someone ,the guys that have done this to you need to be punished, it's not acceptable that they are walking around Scott free when they have committed this horrific crime. They could do it to someone else. You must not blame yourself you did not consent to it therefore it's rape and illegal , you need professional support and help , as a victim of rape myself I can tell you this will not go away nor get easier unless u recieve help. Your emotions will be in overdrive not only from the rape but also if your pregnant . May God be with you and help you to get through. I feel very sad for you coz I know how ir feels to be a victim of rape and all the emotions that go with the aftermath, 15 years later I am still suffering and having flashbacks and I was raped by one man not three. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your child if ur pregnant is most definately a gift from God but I'm not sure on a personal note how I would have coped if I found out I was pregnant . Good luck x

 

[Larksong]

@Starlite What a devastating and horrible thing happened to you--please believe us all that it was definitely not your fault. You have as much right as anyone to live and enjoy your life, and to go where you choose to, and socialize with the people you choose to, without being assaulted--just putting yourself out into the world to live as a human being doesn't give others the right to hurt you. None of us can know why terrible things happen, but I will tell you what I do know and believe: That we are not responsible for crimes committed against us--the perpetrators are the ones who should be feeling shame and questioning their actions and motives, not you.

You will find a lot of wisdom and support on this forum from many kind and generous people. Please know that not one thoughtful, decent person I know would ever blame or second guess you for what happened to you. It was a horrible act committed against you, but with your own inner strength, and the love and support of whomever you can gather around you--whether that is family, friends, people in your faith community, or counselors and doctors, you can come through this.

Here is a phone number for the national organization RAINN, which a good friend of mine used to work for. They counsel victims of rape on all kinds of issues: 1-800-656-HOPE. They also have a website. There are probably other rape crisis centers in your local community: Take advantage of the fact that the people there tend to be very caring and want to help you with information so you can decide how you want to go forward.

No one can tell you how to handle something as deeply personal and devastating as what happened to you. Only you will know which decisions are the right ones for you, and you need to seek out people who can give you objective advice, such as rape counselors, therapists, and medical professionals. If you are a person of faith, I'd also encourage you to turn to a trusted person in your faith community if you feel the need for that as well, or to someone you know whose judgment you respect and whom you trust.

As someone very new to forums like this myself, I am not an authority on anything. But I do know that you need to put your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being, and your son's, ahead of anything anyone else--or "society"--may tell you. With deepest respect for the very moving and very lovingly meant statements of others above, you have several options available to you: To continue your pregnancy (if you are indeed pregnant) and keep the child or choose adoption, and also to choose abortion if you feel that is the best choice for you. Depending on where you live, that may or may not be the easiest choice, but groups like Planned Parenthood and RAINN are places to turn for objective information that will empower you to make your own decisions. Whatever choice you make, you will need to build a relationship early with medical and support teams who can give you the professional care you deserve.

No one deserves to have to go through what you are going through, and there are no easy answers. But never blame yourself for not just "staying home," or for anything else. Just focus on bringing healing to yourself and caring for your son. I have known many, many people--close friends and acquaintances--who have come out of terrible personal tragedies very different than they were before, but also very wise and strong and better able to help others. They definitely still wish those things had never happened, but they have all told me that, years later, they realized that those bad experiences had led to them becoming who they now are, and all of them are wonderful, tender, wise, and caring people who give back to the world every day. Wishing you the same strength and triumph.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Please remember as others have said, that this isn't your fault. You shouldn't have to stay locked in your house in order to keep from being raped. No part of your rape is your responsibility. No part of what you have endured is somehow karma or punishment. You are the survivor of a crime. That voice inside that is blaming you, telling yourself you should have been smarter or behaved better or dressed more conservatively, or refused to drink or talk to anyone is another scar in the set that most rape victims carry. Try to love yourself, and remind yourself that you are entitled to live your life however you see fit without ANYONE touching you against your consent. You are a precious, living being and you deserve to have your body respected no matter the circumstance. I am so sorry this has happened to you, is continuing to happen to you. You deserve so much more than all this pain. Make the choice that is best for your life now and don't let society or anyone else(including yourself) give you cause to regret it.

 

[Lucycat]

Oh my gosh I cannot believe what I've just read , please tell the dr you've been raped or tell someone ,the guys that have done this to you need to be punished, it's not acceptable that they are walking around Scott free when they have committed this horrific crime. They could do it to someone else

If they do it to someone else then they alone are responsible for that -not @Starlite . I am sure you were not implying that she is responsible, but I just wanted to make that clear. For very many reasons very many sex crimes do not get reported. Although it would be better if they are it is not an easy thing to do. I think you are right that it would be better if she were able to tell the doctor that this pregnancy is the result of rape. That way the doctor will be able to have an informed discussion with greater understanding and empathy about the emotional turmoil.

I think for Starlite the priority just now is to look after number one - and her son. I think it important that she make her own choices and be allowed her own beliefs. I am infertile and have no children - however I think even I would struggle to see a pregnancy from rape as a compensatory gift from God