Relationship Did i resume contact too soon?

[Deleted member 37474]

I am curious how long you have been with this person. Is he your friend, spouse or boyfriend?

Ptsd aside, I have found that men in general don't respond to all texts. With some male friends I have gotten to the point of realizing that if I don't leave an actual question mark I will not get a response. Where as with females any text gets a reply.

Also, with some of my close ptsd friends we have worked out a system for isolating. For example, we will click like on a message or on Facebook messenger it will show that we read it. We don't have to respond but we are acknowledging that we are still alive on the other end just not up to communication. So when he is better, maybe you two could come up with a system that supports everyone's needs.

If this relationship is young and new and too hard for you, maybe it isn't worth it. I know that I wouldn't be able to handle it if I didn't get response from the love of my life on a regular basis and I have ptsd!

 

[PenelopeB]

Hi guys
Just wondering if I resumed contact too soon since he pulled away and seemed to be needi...

Hey MaggieRose6117,
Has it been 10 days since he last texted you or 10 days since you've had a good stream of texts? Either way, a lot if us understand what you going through! My guy has never been one for texting constantly (even if I am) and while it's never been days since I last heard from him, it's not uncommon to get one text a day from him and then to not see each other for 3 weeks to a month even though we live fairly close by. Hopefully the radio silence won't last long for you and soon he'll be out of his "bad stretch" and back to normal. I know it is SOOOOO much easier said than done, but it may just be something that you need to adjust to. I'm still relatively new to dating someone with PTSD (10 months), but I feel like the longer we are together, the easier it is to accept the waits between texting (admittedly some days not so much, especially if its on a month of not seeing each other). But we have had discussions about what we mean to each other and I've heard from other people, like is friends, how much I mean to him so it's a little easier to not take it personally and to have faith that it's not because he doesn't care but because he doesn't think about it or is having a rough time and his energy and focus are invested elsewhere at the moment. If you guys have been dating for several months already, it may also be that he feels comfortable and safe with you and accepts that you aren't going anywhere, even when he needs to focus on himself for a bit. I think sending a yellow heart and flower are a nice way to let him know you're there and thinking about him without being demanding. Just give it time and space from here. Maybe once he is better, you can ask him to just give you a heads up if he's able when things are rough and he needs space? It doesn't always happen with me and my boyfriend, but it sometimes does and then I know to just hang on and wait it out. Chin up, you are not along in this! Hang in there!

 

[Glara]

@MaggieRose6117 I used to come on here hoping someone could tell me the right thing to do or say In response to something he did or said. It doesn't work that way.

When he broke it off it was at a point where he was feeling very pressured. He had just signed himself out of an inpatient facility after one week, that he was supposed to be in for 6 weeks. Then a week later he texted to check in and let me know he's still alive. And eventually he started coming around again.

Sometimes I think, this time is it, it's over i haven't heard from him in 5 weeks. And then he checks in. Sometimes he goes back to the way it was.

I've concluded that he trusts me as much as he can trust anyone. He's told me some things about his trauma. He's told me even more about behavioral things he does now in response to his symptoms. Things that I'm sure he wouldn't tell just anyone. It's all very intense and not easy. The fact that I'm long distance helps me cope because I CANT be with him often and I HAVE to live day to day without him.

You really have to think about what you want. In my case I've known him for many years, we dated when we were very young, it was long distance then too. For me it's like an investment, a lot of time, a long history. I feel like I'll probably never turn my back on him even if I did date someone else.

Just think about the fact that it probably won't get better. And in fact it may get worse or harder. I'm not by any means saying to end it or anything like that. But please go in fully understanding.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

My being a supporter completely understands for both perspectives, however, supporters definitely have bruised feelings and they need someone to hear them out. After loving a sufferer for so long and dealing with symptoms and certain characteristics, it can be mentally and emotionally draining. It's extremely hard to support someone who may lose feelings for you all of a sudden, leave you without notice, become overly sensitive to certain discussions. I'm still standing by a sufferer who broke up with me for no logical reason and although he lives elsewhere, we still text and have phone conversations. We make plans to spend time together and he says he loves me. My only challenge is wondering if it's his illness or is it reality.

 

[Glara]

My Ed surprises me all the time. Sometimes when I haven't heard from him for a week or so I text and he responds enthusiastically. Other times just barely. I guess that's part of the attraction, the award system is like gambling. Always hoping to win a positive response.

I've been feeling so much healthier in this than I was for the last few years. We've gotten into a kinda groove that seems to work for us. I'm feeling good about where we are.

 

[Buttercup]

Wow Clara, I'm so glad to hear It! Your analogy to an award system like gambling has me chuckling :D