I've been "out of it" for many months. I kind of came back to myself about a week ago, funnily it was by seeing the cover of Hitchhiker's Guide (LOL), as I had begun to read it again quite some time ago, and then dissociated I guess. Seeing it made me feel like me again, and I've been different since then, more balanced and capable, and finally - I can think about myself! I haven't been able to think about myself for a very long time, my brain just kept sliding off, like I had a black box in my head.
Anyway, I can think again, so was able to engage better in therapy today. She really noticed a difference, several people have. I was able to ask her what she thought went on with me, (I already had a diagnosis of PTSD). She has worked a lot with trauma, PTSD, DID and personality disorders - she said that I was DIDish. She didn't want to give me an official diagnosis, as she didn't think it would change anything or be helpful. Just to know that I probably have dissociated parts. I thought I addressed one, about a year ago, and had thought that to be the only one. But perhaps not. Whatever is going on, I badly want to stay with my current level of functioning, it's much better. I'm doing things and am active, have motivation again, and not spaced out all the time.
But I am curious - is there anyone else here who has this sort of thing happen, where you seem to change functioning at some kind of prompt? I also have been having lots of dreams about other versions of me. One dream had a younger version of me that was in constant, sheer terror, and was trying to kill me so she didn't have to exist anymore. I have been suicidal on and off since 11 years old. For years, but not as often as now, I have also dreamed of a twin self who was dead. She wasn't scary, just dead. I decided to ask myself "inside" a few weeks ago if I could help the part of me who is little and scared - but I got an "answer" back that I had to stay away from her. I tried to talk to that part, saying I AM the little part too. Then I had a dream that seemed not a dream, and got like a transcript of what I think happened to me, but with a short conversation recorded.
How weird is this stuff? I feel like I'm pretty freaky, but I also feel so normal right now. How can I be both? Has anybody experienced stuff like this?
Anyway, I can think again, so was able to engage better in therapy today. She really noticed a difference, several people have. I was able to ask her what she thought went on with me, (I already had a diagnosis of PTSD). She has worked a lot with trauma, PTSD, DID and personality disorders - she said that I was DIDish. She didn't want to give me an official diagnosis, as she didn't think it would change anything or be helpful. Just to know that I probably have dissociated parts. I thought I addressed one, about a year ago, and had thought that to be the only one. But perhaps not. Whatever is going on, I badly want to stay with my current level of functioning, it's much better. I'm doing things and am active, have motivation again, and not spaced out all the time.
But I am curious - is there anyone else here who has this sort of thing happen, where you seem to change functioning at some kind of prompt? I also have been having lots of dreams about other versions of me. One dream had a younger version of me that was in constant, sheer terror, and was trying to kill me so she didn't have to exist anymore. I have been suicidal on and off since 11 years old. For years, but not as often as now, I have also dreamed of a twin self who was dead. She wasn't scary, just dead. I decided to ask myself "inside" a few weeks ago if I could help the part of me who is little and scared - but I got an "answer" back that I had to stay away from her. I tried to talk to that part, saying I AM the little part too. Then I had a dream that seemed not a dream, and got like a transcript of what I think happened to me, but with a short conversation recorded.
How weird is this stuff? I feel like I'm pretty freaky, but I also feel so normal right now. How can I be both? Has anybody experienced stuff like this?
