DID DID, New Identity Discovery, Advice

[Digz]

I've known that I have DID for probably a decade now. I've dealt with 3 different identities other than myself. But I've had this anger that comes from the back of my mind that I didn't know really how it worked. Yesterday when dealing with a new horrible memory in which I was forced to kill a cat I discovered this anger comes from an identity I didn't know existed. The identity was created for the purposes of this event because child me couldn't handle killing a cat. It turns out one of my other identities has been keeping this identity restricted because she says this newly discovered identity is very dangerous, will break laws, is immoral, will get us into trouble. She controls him by punching him (and us, of course) in the face if he tries to force his way out.

It's all super scary and confusing and I don't really know what to do. It's three more days until I see my therapist again. I'm trying to just keep the new identity contained at the moment because I'm very worried about the idea of them being immoral and breaking laws.

Anybody have any advice for me? I would really appreciate anything at this stage. I'm just really trying to get through the hours and it's all guesswork at this stage.

 

[Jade-]

It sounds super confusing and scary,I agree.

But,have you done anything immoral or broken laws before? If not,I wouldn't panic too much about it.
That part has been there since young childhood and if that hasn't happened before chances are it won't now. It's likely just an inside fear of that happening and not reality.

If you're really concerned and worried though,maybe contacting your therapist might be a good idea?

 

[Digz]

Thank you. I hadn't really thought about the fact that I hadn't broken laws before. I am just concerned that because that part has been kept away from emerging, that is why I haven't. But perhaps not. Perhaps you're right, maybe it's just the fear of it because of what that part was made to do.

 

[Movingforward10]

Maybe the new identity isn't someone who breaks laws and is immoral and dangerous? Maybe new identity is just angry about what they were made to do?

Maybe other part who thinks new identity is dangerous has got that wrong? Because other part blames new identity for what happened rather than the person who made new identity behave like that (cat incident)?
Maybe other part and new identity need to communicate and other part needs to hear new identities voice? Hear the full story so new identity is understood and loved?

I'm sorry you are in such pain at the moment.
I agree, maybe reaching out to T might help to keep you grounded until therapy?

 

[grit]

I am sorry you are in such agony. I think this part is coming out now to show you the memory and all other feelings because you are ready to take care of her and soothe her and promise her she is safe and you are here to take care of her. All our parts and identities show up when we are ready to face them. You are lucky to finally meet her and I hope you can show her it is safe and soothe her until you see your therapist.
Keeping you in my thoughts. Please take care.

 

[Ronin]

Yep...

I agree on not punching yourselves in the face. And for a whoole host of reasons - and *very* much understanding the dilemma you are dealing with - that it would be good to take to an experienced therapist, but that might be as far as 'dangerousness' goes.

Just because a child was forced to kill, has anger over being hurt that way, has downright rage over it, and is preoccupied with their trauma and overall more goth than Edward Cullen on a bad day?

Doesn't mean the same person will go out and kill actual people in the adulthood. Or that it is a risk.

They may well be a hurting person stuck in their childhood horror - where being perceived as a killer psycho only adds to their frustration...

And who needs more *nice, normal, humane, kind* experiences with the outside world. Not be kept from it. Not be shoved back in.

Help that part reorient in the world. Find a safe outlet for their emotions. New people, safe people, new friends & allies.

If they were what you all fear, you'd know it by now, or be dead or in jail by now. And you're, collectively, not.

Meaning the fear is understandable but lies to you.

 

[Digz]

Thank you so much everyone. This makes a lot of sense considering what this part had to do. I will try to look towards being less afraid of this part and try to work with it to make it feel safer.