DID Dissociative identity disorder

[Jade-]

My parts aren’t likely to integrate I don’t reckon. There’s too much disparity between them a some of them are opposites of each other in many ways

@Sideways that's what I assumed too.As a matter of fact I was reading my therapy journal just recently and my T had basically said the same thing.Plus the fact that there were so many of them.He thought the best I could hope for was stability and communication.

So,you just never know.

 

[HealingMama]

@Wilbur you said

Integration is definitely not the "end" and is actually just the beginning of a different way of life that comes with many struggles.

And it's not about if you "work hard enough".As I said before,I think I just got lucky to reach full integration.

I'm not sure what else was in your post that was moderated but DID is not something that can be compared really.Everyone's situation is different and what each person has to go through in order to heal is unique to them.There's some basics that go along with it but still an individual thing.

My T doesn't like to diagnose but I relate very strongly to your idea that integration causes other issues.

I am used to being numb now there's all these gnarly emotions? I don't know how to cope with them because I didn't have years of practice. Also becoming more conscious of my parts has been really challenging especially the angry one or ones.

 

[Cypress]

it's a myth that they can unintegrate,or fall apart again.

I was wondering about this. Is that because dissociation ceases to be a coping mechanism so therefore under stress you respond in a different, healthier way?

it is really hard to unwind from having an argument or rehashing, or retelling the issue, with no one in the front passenger's seat.

Anger to me is the hardest emotion to tolerate, own, express. I think it may be because when we were young, there was so much to be angry about, but the slightest expression of it would have resulted in instantly worsened abuse. Some of the DBT stuff helps me cope better now but when the anger is coming from a part, it feels like an invasion.

 

[TruthSeeker]

@Sideways that's what I assumed too.As a matter of fact I was reading my therapy journal just recently and my T had basically said the same thing.Plus the fact that there were so many of them.He thought the best I could hope for was stability and communication.

So,you just never know.

@JadeB. My therapist said something similar, that she wasn't sure some of my parts would meld together. But she's not a strong proponent of integration either-so there's a quandary. Not every therapist believes in integration.

 

[siniang]

I don't have DID, so please kindly forgive me for intruding on this thread, I don't mean to be inappropriate and talk about things I know nothing about, but this caught my eye and had me smile.

I’ve gotten used to being freakishly eclectic. My CD collection is utter chaos, with Frank Sinatra sitting comfortably alongside Marilyn Manson. My books are the same. The tv shows and the clothes. Unpredictable and Chaotic to a person who doesn’t have DID. But I’ve grown to love the chaos of it. Everyone gets their own playlist on my ipod, and there are a few playlists where we mix it all up. Don’t reckon I’d have it any other way, even though it’s driving my sister nuts!

Absolutely nothing of this strikes me as odd. Unpredictable, maybe (but so am I to most people). Chaotic? Nope. At least not in a negative sense (I, too, love the chaos). It describes a person that is interesting and that I would love to learn more about.

Let it drive your sister nuts. But just because she doesn't have DID doesn't mean she represents the norm of how people without DID see this.

:hug:

 

[Sideways]

@siniang - “intrusions” like that are always welcome around here:)

 

[Jade-]

My T doesn't like to diagnose but I relate very strongly to your idea that integration causes other issues.

I am used to being numb now there's all these gnarly emotions? I don't know how to cope with them because I didn't have years of practice. Also becoming more conscious of my parts has been really challenging especially the angry one or ones.

Coping is difficult after a lifetime of not having to cope.DID was my way to cope before and now it all just feels so overwhelming at times.

I was wondering about this. Is that because dissociation ceases to be a coping mechanism so therefore under stress you respond in a different, healthier way?

Unintegrating is a myth because once all the thoughts,feelings,memories,etc(which are actually the alters)are integrated into awareness and acceptance that it all really was "me" it can't fall apart or be undone.Not after true,full,complete integration.After integrating there's no amnesia,all the abuse and trauma isn't hidden anymore(through alters).Sideways said it all very well in one of her posts in this thread,way better than I ever could.

The whole point of DID is to cope with what couldn't be tolerated in childhood and to keep it tucked away,hidden from us in order to carry on as a "normal" child, go to scbool and all the other things a kid has to do.How else could a child be raped at night and get up and go to school the next morning,especially if they're threatened to be silent about it?

Once all of its faced and accepted the walls come down,the memories are there and it's all integrated just like any memory from the past.Like remembering going to the zoo in childhood and remembering what animals were seen,eating an ice cream cone,etc.Except we remember being abused,what happened, who did it,etc.Its a memory we have,that we know happened to us.No different except they're horrible memories and not good ones.

It's not really other people inside. It's just that all the bad has been walled off,all the thoughts, feelings,memories,etc.unintegration doesn't happen because we are not children anymore going through what caused it anymore in order to create those parts.

And yes,under stress you respond in a different way instead of dissociating into a different part.I wish I could say that I respond in a healthier way but I don't. Yet.I still have a long way to go.Alot to learn about functioning in this world and relationships.

@JadeB. My therapist said something similar, that she wasn't sure some of my parts would meld together. But she's not a strong proponent of integration either-so there's a quandary. Not every therapist believes in integration.

Ah,they don't really know whether a person will integrate or not.They can guess but they can't know for sure

 

[Sideways]

Unintegrating is a myth because once all the thoughts,feelings,memories,etc(which are actually the alters)are integrated into awareness and acceptance that it all really was "me" it can't fall apart or be undone

I’d think that the brain still has the ability to use that coping mechanism though. If it learned how to do that during childhood, that ability maybe doesn’t disappear entirely, the brain just doesn’t use it anymore.

I think there was a member here who experienced spontaneous integration, but then developed new parts after suffering a significant trauma later in life, but it was a while ago now so I’m having a hard time remembering the details.

 

[Jade-]

I’d think that the brain still has the ability to use that coping mechanism though. If it learned how to do that during childhood, that ability maybe doesn’t disappear entirely, the brain just doesn’t use it anymore.

I think there was a member here who experienced spontaneous integration, but then developed new parts after suffering a significant trauma later in life, but it was a while ago now so I’m having a hard time remembering the details.

Interesting.What does "spontaneous integration" mean? Just one day poof he/she was instantly integrated?I wonder if it's possible the insiders just quieted down for a bit or something and integration was just assumed?Maybe the person wasn't actually healed,cured or whatever term applies?Sometimes too people can believe they know all their alters and when one surfaces they think it's a new one when in fact it's not and they were just unaware of them.Theres lots of possibilities.

While I still had the dx of DID and went through severe trauma my T told me a new one had been created that I was unaware of.But since complete integration(recovery,cured) that hasn't happened even though I have experienced new traumas.

I personally believe unintegration isn't possible.I don't believe the adult brain can create DID (and once full integration happens it is a fully adult brain.)Otherwise DID would/ could develop in adulthood from trauma but that doesn't happen and it only develops in childhood.

But I'm definitely not an expert or anything and only going by all that I've read and my own personal experiences.

 

[whiteraven]

If a person reaches full/complete integration(and I do not mean just communication/cooperation,working as a system,etc) it's a myth that they can unintegrate,or fall apart again.DID only develops in young childhood and unless a person can go back in time,go through the trauma again they cant redevelop it.

If a person does do that then they weren't fully integrated to begin with.

There's some disagreement here. I know someone who was fully integrated - she was functioning completely as one, with all of her trauma exposed and worked through and happy as a clam for years - and a new alter emerged. I think some people are just prone to this kind of dissociation. It's one reason I don't focus much on integration, but rather functionality.

I personally believe unintegration isn't possible.I don't believe the adult brain can create DID (and once full integration happens it is a fully adult brain.)Otherwise DID would/ could develop in adulthood from trauma but that doesn't happen and it only develops in childhood.

And some believe that we all have naturally-occuring parts and that DID is just at the far end of the spectrum. I'm not sure I believe that anyone has a "fully adult brain." DID hasn't been studied nearly as other conditions have and much of what we "officially" about treatment and integration, etc...is based on the opinions and experience of just a couple of people.

My diagnosing therapist was very militant in his thinking; he believed everything was as one particularly prominent psychiatrist said it was and that, even if experience dictated it, we could not deviate from that.

I personally think there are many different ways to experience "parts" or insiders and no one way is right or wrong.

Unintegrating is a myth

Is this something you learned from your therapist, you believe is true because of your experience, or that you have seen documented as part of research?

I ask because I was diagnosed with DID in 1998 and I have done a ton of research on DID for a book I'm writing (or have written) and talked to a LOT of folks with DID and probably the most important thing I've learned is that nothing about this "disorder" is written in stone. That no one - patient or therapist - functions in the same way.

So I'd be interested to understand where your ideas come from.

 

[Ronin]

probably the most important thing I've learned is that nothing about this "disorder" is written in stone.

Ditto :D

I've been so hesitant to chime in to the whole integration discussion as never even mind my/our personal feelings on the morality of it whenever forced to and not just spontaneous and Just Life, very well for this reason.

Of people I knew that integrated many resplit later, many didn't but still remained compartmentalizing more than the norm, whatever that is, otherwise, some broke with the weight of it and stopped functioning altogether, some committed suicides, so, really, I wouldn't even say the darn integration is a goal. Comparatively, not kicking the bucket seems to me as way more real problem than someone deviating in food allergies day to day. >.>

Or, ok, shoulda picked music taste for that one, food allergies *are* kinda a big deal.

 

[Jade-]

Is this something you learned from your therapist, you believe is true because of your experience, or that you have seen documented as part of research?

I ask because I was diagnosed with DID in 1998 and I have done a ton of research on DID for a book I'm writing (or have written) and talked to a LOT of folks with DID and probably the most important thing I've learned is that nothing about this "disorder" is written in stone. That no one - patient or therapist - functions in the same way.

So I'd be interested to understand where your ideas come from.

I agree that nothing about this disorder is written in stone.Ive just been giving my own personal thoughts and opinions based on my own personal experience(if you noticed,in my post I said I personally believe)