Did we deserve to be abused?

[wacko]

Did we deserve to be abused?

 

[GubMoobEel]

No

 

[ellzeena]

Did we deserve to be abused?

I don't know what kind of abuse you reference or when it occurred, but from personal experience I can say that in childhood, when a child is abused in any way, that child acquires a deep seated conviction (in a childish way obviously) that she or he "deserved" it. And so, that inner conviction continues well into adulthood and into old age, even though (through therapy) we realize we were VICTIMS of a disordered mind (the individual who abused us). What we "know" and what we "feel" are often two very different things.

From personal experience, obviously, I can say that every single thing that has ever happened to me,and I'm very old now, I think I must have done something to deserve. I've been in an out of therapy my entire adult life since age 23 and in therapy for trauma related problems since 2011, continuously, and I STILL have feelings that I've "done something" to deserve the bad things that happened to me. Because this belief sytem is laid in childhood, it's extremely difficult to get rid of, even though I KNOW and I REALIZE that life does NOT WORK that way. I still find myself saying, 'I must have done something terrible for this to have happened', and then 'no wonder there's no one in my life, there's something wrong with me'. And I KNOW neither of these things are true but I FEEL that they are, I still feel they are even as I'm typing it.

No, you did not deserve to be abused. Whether or not you can disspell yourself of this persistent belief is very personal and I can't answer that part of the dilemma, but you did not AND YOU DO NOT deserve abuse.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Since my abuse started preverbal I can’t see how. Maybe I fouled my diaper one too many times? Anyway, I was acting out before I even started school. So in that context I may have been part of the causation. But why was I acting out? Ultimately it was the terror at home. In law there is the concept of “but for” causation. In my case, but for the terror at home I most likely would have been a well adjusted kid on the smart side.

 

[Friday]

Abuse cannot be earned. By definition.

 

[amicableDog6980]

Validation that I didn't deserve to be abused hits hard My whole life my parents said it was all my fault and that there was something wrong with me.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

No. It's an easy answer to say, harder to understand and accept.