Did you ever try to go back to work?

[Abstract]

Are you feeling they are just trying to get out of the expense of you?

 

[Stephernovas]

Are you feeling they are just trying to get out of the expense of you?

10000000% - they had told me when my physio and I requested more sessions that “we’re not going to pay for physio forever”...okay, well then freaking do some more tests and find the root cause of my issue so we can treat it more effectively you freaking cold-hearted cheap skates!!! You think I want to be injured forever???!?!?!!?

 

[Abstract]

Maybe you need to do another thread as it sounds like the issue is rather about you protecting yourself and getting support rather than you being the one desperately trying to find your way back into work at the moment. Someone here may be able to help give info on ways to help you.

 

[Stephernovas]

Yeah I might have to do that. The reason I posted this was because everyone seemingly kept telling me that I was being resistant and I thought of that as being a delinquent and purposely trying to get out of work, when that is 100% not the case. As we just identified I am simply trying to ensure I get the most appropriate care and support I need.

 

[joeylittle]

The reason I posted this was because everyone seemingly kept telling me that I was being resistant

I might have missed this - but have you done any EMDR or other type of trauma-specific processing around the event that caused your PTSD?

It's odd to me that your therapist thinks you are at a plateau if you can't yet functionally navigate the types of events you are describing. Makes me wonder if you need to change therapists.

 

[Stephernovas]

I might have missed this - but have you done any EMDR or other type of trauma-specific processing around the event that caused your PTSD?

It's odd to me that your therapist thinks you are at a plateau if you can't yet functionally navigate the types of events you are describing. Makes me wonder if you need to change therapists.

No I have not. The office I attend focuses on CBT (as well, the concussion doctor and driving rehab OT both on the report that I should continue in clinical CBT sessions as the largest part of my recovery). I had two sessions with the owning psychologist, and he stated that according to the research that CBT is more effective than EMDR. I recall him saying something about immediately jumping to discussing the most traumatic memory was not helpful. I don't know much about it, but did speak with an old co-worker about everything (I've been conflicted with my therapist for a while, but I've been trying really hard to take any ownership on things I may be lacking as I didn't want to be that client who bails just because they are too fearful of the hard stuff). That co-worker pushed the idea EMDR saying it was the greatest thing ever.

Given I'm with worker's comp, it would not be an easy switch. Furthermore I'd also have to read more about EMDR before I would head that way for treatment. For now, I'm struggling with the thought of changing therapists. I'm thinking I probably should but I feel like a huge disappointment/failure, and almost panicked about that today. I wouldn't even know how to go about it. Verbally talking to the office manager or whomever to actually switch will induce a panic. It makes me wonder if I should just let this therapist lead a bit more and see where it goes? I mean what the freak do I do? ughhhhh.

 

[joeylittle]

For now, I'm struggling with the thought of changing therapists. I'm thinking I probably should but I feel like a huge disappointment/failure, and almost panicked about that today. I wouldn't even know how to go about it. Verbally talking to the office manager or whomever to actually switch will induce a panic. It makes me wonder if I should just let this therapist lead a bit more and see where it goes? I mean what the freak do I do? ughhhhh.

You're doing CBT - so, can you break this statement down, and understand how your thoughts and feelings are affecting your behaviors? Do you feel like you know what the tools are, and you apply them, but they just aren't working?

 

[Stephernovas]

You're doing CBT - so, can you break this statement down, and understand how your thoughts and feelings are affecting your behaviors? Do you feel like you know what the tools are, and you apply them, but they just aren't working?

I loathe CBT because it puts the onus on the client. Basically if you're not doing well, it's you're own fault because you're not changing your thoughts enough. Sorry, but I know what it's like to feel good. I know what its like to feel normal. I don't appreciate being told that my thoughts are wrong. If our own thoughts are wrong, then why do we even have brains? I mean I can understand CBT to a point, but just because someone disagrees with my thought, doesn't make it wrong.

I know what's best for me and I hate the fact that I'm being challenged on it. If I wasn't having sufficient issues, I wouldn't be attending her office anymore. Ugh. I generally can use the skills for most situations, but this one bothers me quite a bit. You have to be able to trust yourself sometimes. Not every single thought is wrong. How else have we as humans survived this long if not? lol you know?

When I spoke with her boss (the psychologist) things he was saying were things I was like 'OMG YES! That's exactly what I've been saying'. I felt like he supported me in using what I know to help myself feel better. In the two sessions I had with him, he noted I was not ready. I know what it feels like to be doing well, and I do not feel it yet. Honestly I'm even terrified to try right now because I'm still messing up on basic care things I need to do at home - losing my wallet twice in a short period of time, forgetting to lock my door, not being able to follow in a discussion because I lose track of what we JUST said, or not being able to complete a recipe while making myself dinner because I cognitively cannot process what it says.

I want someone who respects what I say more and supports me in using the skills I know. I'm really pissed off at how my current therapist simply tells me to do the skills she's share with me more, as though I don't do them at all, or have never done them at all. I mean..thanks for the 'helpful' advice. I wish she didn't decide to stop listening to me and instead start pushing hard.

 

[Abstract]

I think Joeylittle has cracked this open nicely. In my experience, and it took a while and masses of therapy to figure this out, therapy not working isn't something that just magically changes. Either something in us needs to change to make use of it or we need to change the therapist, style of therapy etc. The most important thing is to find out what the stumbling blocks are and to try to deal with them.

CBT is getting up your nose. Either you need to find a way to see it differently and it not do that or you need a different style of therapy. It sounds like you really haven't managed to engage in therapy in a way that is helpful so it is no wonder you aren't getting better. Thats not a judgement. Been there before. Things really can change even if it doesn't feel like that now. I'm sure this is way off but is there any chance there is a tiny feeling of invalidation of the awfulness of what happened if you do get better. Not saying I think that is the case and rather just checking. Do you think you have existing invalidation injuries from before this trauma.

 

[Stephernovas]

I think Joeylittle has cracked this open nicely. In my experience, and it took a while and masses of therapy to figure this out, therapy not working isn't something that just magically changes. Either something in us needs to change to make use of it or we need to change the therapist, style of therapy etc. The most important thing is to find out what the stumbling blocks are and to try to deal with them.

CBT is getting up your nose. Either you need to find a way to see it differently and it not do that or you need a different style of therapy. It sounds like you really haven't managed to engage in therapy in a way that is helpful so it is no wonder you aren't getting better. Thats not a judgement. Been there before. Things really can change even if it doesn't feel like that now. I'm sure this is way off but is there any chance there is a tiny feeling of invalidation of the awfulness of what happened if you do get better. Not saying I think that is the case and rather just checking. Do you think you have existing invalidation injuries from before this trauma.

I'm not sure I entirely understand your question. I don't really think anyone would try to invalidate what happened as it was pretty significant - apparently the worker who took my call when I reported it that night began crying when she relayed the story to managers the following day. My accident employer has been tremendously supportive. They have left me alone to recover, and have periodically called for updates/been wonderful when I speak to them providing them updates. I truly think a huge part of this is me feeling like a disappointment because I cannot meet expectations. I have a huge thing about letting people down, especially when they have been good to me (well, minus the fact that I had to advocate hard to be given a safer vehicle to travel in vs. the dinky cars they wanted to give me - if I was driving that, I'd be dead for sure).

That's why I'm getting so frustrated though. I've been wracking my brain trying SUPER hard to change my perspective on this whole accident/return to work thing and it's just not working - hence me talking to someone else while my therapist was away (I thought a 'blank slate' may do me good), I spoke with the office manager and told her I'm having a hard time swallowing what my therapist was putting down - actually she suggested/offered to change therapists. Lastly, a friend I speak with often has been listening to me vent about it and she believes I've done everything I can in this moment and a change in therapists is necessary.

But again, cue my panic towards feelings of being a disappointment and not being able to meet her/worker's comp's expectations of recovering in a 'timely manner'.

 

[hithere]

I apologize I have not read this entire thread. I am only responding to your statement that you fear being viewed as "resistant." Resistance is the hallmark of PTSD. It is the very nature of the problem. Doesn't mean you are bad, it means you have a symptom of PTSD. Going at it slowly and at your pace is preferable I think... when I went gang busters toward exposure I had too many EXTREME symptoms and became non functional. I keep at it though. I can verify that exposure is the way to freedom, just in my case not all at once.

 

[Abstract]

Hi! I could be getting this wrong but as far as I can see there are 2 main issues here. The one is if you are ready to go back to work right now and really you know you feel the answer is no. Them needing you to sounds like it is financial so thats something to explore. And, I hate to say it, always happens. The second thing is if what you are doing is working for you. And that may lead back to the first a bit as if it feels like there is progress for you then it may change the way they support you. Or maybe not all. Regardless for you, you so deserve to have help that feels right and is helping you to have more respite.

I spoke with the office manager and told her I'm having a hard time swallowing what my therapist was putting down - actually she suggested/offered to change therapists. Lastly, a friend I speak with often has been listening to me vent about it and she believes I've done everything I can in this moment and a change in therapists is necessary...
But again, cue my panic towards feelings of being a disappointment and not being able to meet her/worker's comp's expectations of recovering in a 'timely manner'.

But the thing is that if its not working then its less likely to meet their expectations. That isn't your fault at all. It is what it is. You deserve for this to be about what is in your best interests. And if you really do want to look at the justification of that, it will be in their best interests too. You job is to find healing for you, not worry about them.

Im afraid I dont know the nature of what they have tried in your CBT sessions but it may really be worthwhile looking at that in a thread on here if you havent done so already. I didn't want to say too much before as didnt want to lead the conversation but CBT absolutely did not work for me before. And I was too busy trying to do the right thing (and too dissociated to really understand what was happening) to realise that. It does work for a lot of people really really well. They find those challenges helpful not annoying or disconnecting. But looking back a lot of things could have been done with CBT which would have been more helpful for me. I would be interested to know what they have tried with you.

I mentioned invalidation as your thoughts here seem to indicate a lot of that.

I don't appreciate being told that my thoughts are wrong. I

It so did not work for me wherease DBT and other styles have been way better. It may also just be how she approaches things. You only other options to changing therapist from what I can guess (from what you say here) is that you will need to see the whole dynamic of CBT in a different light if you want to continue with it and this t and have it work for you. Either you need to change that or your t/style of therapy. Kick aside expectations or anything else and see if you can just look at what you need or can do. It sounds like there is the option of seeing someone else.

Helping you and taking change of what you need is the right thing to do. And that in the end will be what will help them too so dont for one minute judge yourself or feel bad about it.

Hope my real meaning comes across and isnt gobbledygook as very sleep deprived and distracted! Fight for what you need. To do that you first need to figure out what that is.