Research Did Your Ptsd Sufferer Come Back After Their Bail Out? Tell Your Story Please

[Deleted member 33023]

You are plenty fine and very helpful and patient with this forum thread. When you left for that year...

That is a relief Mr. Smith. I thought I failed you. The only thing I can say is that I couldn't speak. I had no voice. I was too terrified of everything. Even my mail and my phone. I didn't open my mail for over two years. He did and paid my bills. I didn't shop for food, he did. I kicked him out and laid on the couch and didn't speak at all and he stayed around no matter what. Through my rage. My sorrow. My heartache. My constant questions even in the middle of the night. He knew what I needed before I even knew what I needed. This is because we were friends and knew me already. I don't like asking for things even help. Now I am confident he will not leave me ever. We will continue to improve our relationship and ourselves. I don't believe this would have happened at all if he didn't already know me.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

It was the post you plan to write shortly I was referring to when I said "where you're going with it".

Yes, it's in the main post. "I've looked through many many supporter relationship forum posts even from 50 pages ago and have found very few of those that had happy endings." and "Trying to get a handle on the statistical view of these relationships for a post I plan to write shortly. It would be very helpful to other supporters to understand the situation they are in and could be in at some point."

You can learn more about the post I'm working on here: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/she-...ars-lot-of-years-scenario-input-wanted.61077/

My T often laughs, shakes his head, and says "You really DON'T get this stuff, do you?" So, I want to make it clear, I'm asking this just because I'm curious and would like to know the answer to the question. What, in what I said, makes it seem like I'm pretty sensitive about divorces?

I feel like when I make posts they seem to get side tracked very quickly... Not trying to be rude or anything. You were curious and so I've answered the question below. I'd have to quote your entire comment so I will just give you the reasoning instead. If the answer is not satisfactory, try to send a pm so we don't clutter up more of the thread.

This thread was started to gather statistical data about PTSD sufferers unstructured bail outs and you replied with the minimally tangential of your ex and how he spun multiple stories/perspectives from his side about how your relationship was ended. Then seemed imply that I had some kind of bad motive for the thread targeting people with PTSD.

When people are sensitive to a subject matter things that are not even close to being on topic spark the outrage. Much like if a black person were to get super anti-racist about someone saying something with "black" in a phrase being said. An example is if someone said in the presence of them, "If you do that, they will black ball you", from one white guy to another white guy, they would break in and say they were being racist just because the word black was used in the phrase in a way that implies something negative. Basically someone always making an issue about X when the topic was nowhere even about X and was instead about Y or Z.

It's understandable you might be quite annoyed with how things panned out in your situation, but you brought that situation into a conversation that was only minimally connected by the concept of "relationships ending" and "PTSD", when the conversation was about much more than just those two particular key/tag concepts.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

That is a relief Mr. Smith. I thought I failed you. The only thing I can say is that I couldn't spe...

Thank you for the reply. You two sound like an amazingly strong couple. I wish you both all the love and happiness two folks can have in a life.

 

[Deleted member 33023]

We never feel that way Mr. Smith! We are always working on it. I believe this is why it is working A commitment, honesty and integrity. All the common things in life I didn't learn from my parents but figured out on my own. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Tinyflame]

@mr_smith_v2 Yes, I've bailed or run or what-have you & also not, but I'm not going to provide statistical data because I think it is based on so many variables individual to each situation & relationship that no such formula would be predictive. The variables themselves could include (but would not be limited to), length of relationship, degree of trust, degree of communication between people & efforts to do so, intention of both parties, presence or absence of substance use, learned patterns of coping, degree of denial, degree of commitment, pro-active attempts at therapy, degree of resilience, degree of fear or ability to manage it, coping styles, emotional regulation, trauma histories, giving up. In my case I'd add too, Providence (as in wrong way/ right decision, sometimes to leave, sometimes to try).

The biggest factors to not leave or come back? JMHO long-standing trust, & communication, effort to understand, communicate on both sides, understand, not blame.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi @mr_smith_v2 - we have a separate forum for Studies and Research. Since you are asking for statistical data, and you've indicated a plan to compile it, I have moved your post there. A re-direct link will remain in the Supporters Relationships forum, so that supporters don't miss the thread - I'm aware that they are unlikely to stumble upon it on their own, in that section.

You have indicated that you intend to use this information on this forum only, which is completely acceptable. Please review the sticky at the top of this forum for a brief set of guidelines about research conducted here.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

I'm aware that they are unlikely to stumble upon it on their own, in that section.

Considering you know that and it is true, then there is no point in the thread existing any further since you removed the ability for it to actually function within the context of the people that actually deal with this stuff. I'll just mention that I was unable to gather that information when I post the main post. What a waste.

 

[joeylittle]

@mr_smith_v2 - you misunderstand me. If you go to the Supporter Relationship forum, you will still see a listing for this thread. It is a re-direct. When people click on it, they will end up here. I think this should be sufficient for people to find this thread - and if it's not working, I'll put a notice up in Supporters letting them know it's over here.

Is that more clear?

 

[Deleted member 17302]

@mr_smith_v2 - you misunderstand me. If you go to the Supporter Relationship forum, you will still see a listing for this thread. It is a re-direct. When people click on it, they will end up here.

So in essence, it functions as it was always still there but now it can be accessed from two locations. That works. I was unaware that was how this functions on this forum. Never seen a forum have that function.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Yes, I've bailed or run or what-have you & also not, but I'm not going to provide statistical data because I think it is based on so many variables individual to each situation & relationship that no such formula would be predictive.

Not the subject this thread is about.

 

[Casey_03]

I did bail once and come back and try to work things out, but the opposite happened. though to be fair, I didn't leave without warning -- I openly explained my decision to leave and communication lines were still open. I just relocated and ended the relationship, then returned about 8 months later.

 

[EveHarrington]

Just a thought-----

Maybe you could make an informal type questionnaire? List a number of questions pertinent to your study and everyone responding can copy those questions into their reply and answer each question.

I'm not trying to be critical but this current q/a style seems to be disjointed/disorganized in that you're not getting the answers/replies you desire, and ultimately a thread of stories I don't really see as all that forthcoming with conclusive stats as there are so many variables to every story.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Just a thought-----

Maybe you could make an informal type questionnaire? List a number of questio...

Did that before, nobody paid attention and just replied all willy nilly anyway.