Difficulty With Visualizations

[Nebulustrix]

Does anyone else have a hard time with visualizations?

I have never been good at changing/altering thoughts that come into my head. Everyone talks about being able to change or control their dreams with practice, but this is a skill that has always eluded me, and I think of my difficulties with changing dreams as I now face similar difficulties trying to maintain and complete visualizations.

One of my problem areas for triggers is the gym. I can go to the gym "okay" for a couple weeks, pushing myself past the stress, but it is not really enjoyable and I feel like the stress is counterproductive to the whole point of working out. And the more I go, the more edgy I find myself when outside the gym. Since this is relatively tolerable but has remind a barrier despite my best efforts on my own, it is the first area my new therapist and I agreed to start working on.

For a week now I have been attempting to do visualizations at least once a day of myself going to the gym, smiling and interacting with others and completing my workout without avoiding everyone around me. Making eye contact with the men using the weight machines around me, smiling, and even occassionally saying hello.

I completed one successfully with my therapist during our session as she guided me through it, and I can see that actually doing them will be helpful. I felt the same fear, anxiety, and emotional rush picturing myself at the gym as I usually do when there, and was able to "warp" the scenario to make myself step outside my comfort zone and interact with people.

However, when I try to do the visualizations on my own, I seem to keep hitting roadblocks. The first attempt, my thoughts kept getting interrupted with images of myself getting choked. I pushed myself past it with the next attempt but my brain would jump through the visualization "images" so quickly I didn't get a chance to feel anything, and when I would try to slow it down and guide myself through it like the therapist did, my thoughts would scatter and jump all different directions.

I then tried writing the visualization but that felt like I was writing about a totally different person - like I was writing a story about a character instead of picturing myself interacting with people. I did not feel the emotional connection to the character - it just didn't feel like me.

Does anyone else have difficulty with visualizations? Anyone have suggestions for how to improve?

 

[open eyes]

I can't really help you much on visualizations, but I can help with your struggle with the gym.

Gyms are MISERABLE places. I'm a high school athlete, & going to the gym makes me depressed. I totally respect that you're trying to be active & making an effort to work out though.

Do something outside!! You'll feel so much better being out in fresh air, rather than in some dank, sweaty building, staring at a wall while you exercise. Even if it's something as simple as just going for a walk, or a jog, anything outside.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I guess my question for you is do you find yourself wanting to go to the gym but find that your symptoms get in the way, or is it more a matter of needing to work out and this is just how you've decided to do it? I'm not really a gym person and I don't think I ever will be. Working out SHOULD be relaxing, peaceful, and give you an overall benefit rather than just make you more stressed out. For me, not going to the gym isn't an issue I need to work through as I have another preferred way of getting my exercise. So my question for you is, do you see this as related to your PTSD or is it more of a personal preference? If its a PTSD thing, then I think you should work through it. If its a personal preference, then find something that you like to do better.

I think that you may just have to continue practicing the visualizations. Many skills take awhile before they're mastered, and in your case, your mind goes to a negative place because that's what it's been programmed to do in the past. I think you may have to push through and work on this daily so that your mind finds a new "path" and then that new path will become second nature.

 

[Nebulustrix]

Thanks for the feedback and questions! :)

I used to enjoy working out at a gym. Growing up, I was not a very physically active person. I preferred staying home and reading books and I usually sat out during optional gym activities at school. I was always overweight, but that didn't really bother me - I was able to do the things I wanted to do and I wasn't really unfit, and people didn't tease or bully me much as I had such an accepting and patient personality that any attempts to bully just kinda rolled over my shoulder.

At college, I started getting more active. I started working out at a Curves, lost some weight, and felt more energetic and willing to explore other active adventures. I do like doing things outside, but I find that the things I enjoyed at college either aren't available here (ex. specialistic clubs like boffering, falconry), don't have the money or time for it (ex. horseback riding, rock climbing) or I don't have enough social connections to find a group to do it with (ex. ultimate frisbee, capture the flag). The only thing readily available here that I know will get me active and that I used to enjoy is the gym - weight lifting, and the pool. A plus here is that the gym offers child care during certain hours, so there is someone to watch my son while I get some exercise.

Unfortunately, once my heart rate gets elevated, I start feeling hypervigilant. Seeing all the guys around me makes me nervous. I keep watching them, feeling like I have to keep track of where they all are, what they are doing, if they're watching me... I get anxious if any of them are using one of the weight machines next to me or if they look my way while I'm doing my lifting. I feel anxious about the whereabouts of my son and keep glancing at the child-care area and watching the people that come and go from there. I get tense if someone switches the music to heavy metal - and at that point I really lose focus, that music is a big trigger for me.

I keep glancing at the time, keeping more track of how long I've been there and how quickly I can call it quits without feeling like I wasted my time. I'd like to get into some of the other activities I've enjoyed before, but at this point I am very unfit and need to take it in increments. Weight training can get me back fit enough to tackle judo practice, which I know will be even more triggering than what I'm already experiencing.

So to sum it up, I know the gym was not a problem for me before my trauma. I used to enjoy it. I took college courses on weight training and conditioning because I enjoyed it. It is one of the few non-expensive physically strenuous activities I enjoy - the most affordable and least triggering available. While there, I'm triggered by my own elevated heart rate, distance from my son, men, and the music. Also, I believe I am stressed by the idea of being fit again, as it was while I was fit and confident that I met my abuser. I am afraid of becoming attractive and getting attention from men, though I want to be fit and confident again so that I can do more and be healthy.

 

[seedling]

I think you will get better at the visualizations with practice. My therapist said a few weeks ago: "it won't feel natural at first."
I find it encouraging that you did so well with your therapist's help.

That said, there may be a way for you to customize the visualizations you do by yourself to fit where you're at.

I'm not sure if you could do the visualization in smaller steps when you are by yourself. Maybe just go in the door of the gym and
greet someone. Stay in those first moments and see how you do. See where it takes you. Let it be your vision with you in control, no pre-prescribed action. Push it further when you can, take your small steps as big positives.


I used to do visualization to practice being calm and sometimes the anxiety and fear would come up. I would be
physically comfortable and fairly relaxed(for me at the time:)) when the emotion intruded. I remembered to try to keep my
body as relaxed as I could and breathe. The emotion would swell inside and if I concentrated on my breathing it would
also gradually recede again. Kind of like a wave washing up on shore. Sometimes I would have some moments of thinking I wasn't
going to be able to take it before it dissipated.
I got so I felt safe in this state even if everything I was visualizing or feeling wasn't "good." It was where I was at and I was coping with it, facing it slowly one time after another.

I don't know if that helps, I think these kind of practices are very individual.

 

[ghotiff]

I agree with the idea of practicing something much smaller. I think you are trying to take too big a step, so it's not working. So My first goal would be to be able to visualize and stay connected to the process.

Maybe even smaller than going to the front door of the gym. Maybe visualize packing your gym bag at home (I'm assuming that this would be okay and only very mildly anxiety creating). Then you could practice visualizing packing your gym bag and visualize being relaxed while you do it. Once you can do that reliably, move on to driving to the gym etc. slow, small steps.

 

[Nebulustrix]

Thanks, guys! I like the suggestions to take it in smaller steps. I also had a thought this morning that since my issue is keeping my thoughts together and I did well when the therapist guided me through it, I could try note cards with prompts to keep me on track?

My next appt is later today and I'll be talking about this with my therapist then. Thanks for the feedback!

 

[seedling]

The note cards sound great. You know best what will work for you and what you want to try.

 

[ghotiff]

I've been thinking about the note card idea and I think its great. You could also consider recording your voice speaking out the note cards and playing that back during your visualisations, this would allow you to keep your eyes closed (if that is what you want to do). Kinda like a self-guided meditation.

 

[Nebulustrix]

Thanks again everybody,

The therapist agreed that taking it in smaller steps might be helpful and using the note cards to keep my mind on track. I got the notecards prepped yesterday but didn't do the visualization with them yet, will be trying that today. And @ghotiff the idea of recording myself reading the notecards so I can keep my eyes closed is great! Thanks!

 

[seedling]

Good work!

Good luck with your new strategy.

 

[y5L]

Does anyone else have difficulty with visualizations? Anyone have suggestions for how to improve?

I actually just found this thread searching to see if anyone else had trouble visualizing! So yes. I am unable to see anything in my head. I think in sounds, words, and music mostly.

I don't know of any ways to improve or "fix" this. I DO know that I'd love to learn some strategies- I get lost constantly since even streets I travel every day look unfamiliar. I just memorize the names of streets and businesses and hope I notice the same ones each day.

I do see things when I dream, though. I can't recall dream images, but I know I saw them!