Disclosing To My Husband In Therapy...

[mrsmegan]

@Shells Why do you think the details would be harmful? My husband knows that there was sexual abuse - but what I am looking to tell him are the details....

 

[Cannottakethis]

@mrsmegan I don't want him to look at certain acts as wrong or scary or triggering for me.

He doesn't want to hear details about the woman he loves more than anything being hurt. It hurts him.

I don't think he needs to know. He knows I was molested/raped/in abusive relationships. He's heard some stories but not too many details.

I processed my traumas while I was in patient in a place specialized for ptsd. I feel no need to go over any of that with him.


Every relationship is different. It's fine for anyone who wants to tell. I think it's amazing that you can do that. This is just works in my life.

 

[mrsmegan]

Thanks @Shells i just wanted to understand where you were coming from, I appreciate you elaborating for me.

I'm really happy you have been able to process your traumas, I hope to get there.

 

[mrsmegan]

@Shells I gotta say, your post gave me SO MUCH to think about.

I processed a bit of it with my T this morning and I realized that this "step" has really been born out of this obligation that I feel to tell him what happened. It's as if I need him to know everything to have the reassurance that he still loves me, or worse, prove that he can't. Or when he says things like - "what happened wasn't your fault" - my mind can't retort with - "But you don't even know!"

I realized that I don't actually want him to know the details - for all of the exact reasons you gave - and I don't want to give him the visualization in his head of what happened. I don't even want it in my head.

This doesn't mean I can't give him some more context around the situation, about how it made me feel, about what happened when I told my parents, and how it is effecting now. That stuff, I do want to share.

I just wanted to say thanks for speaking up - you really helped me a lot.

 

[NightSky]

This is something I've gone back and forth on as well. For the same reasons. @mrsmegan I think the things you do want to tell him are really important.