Discussing Relationships Is Very Frustrating.

[Deleted member 12723]

Lots of people hate the V day so you are in good company. It is a hallmark holiday trumped up to sell their gifts. I like you just the way you are.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

@just me here what is that? the disorganized attachment style....I'm learning a lot today

@richter scale, I am trying the best, Like I said, i've come a long way in the short amount of time I've been getting advice from the wonderful people on this site :D

@gizmo Thank you so much, that's actually really nice to hear.

 

[Justmehere]

In a nutshell, someone with avoidant attachment style doesn't like depending on or being close to others. It makes them feel bad, if they feel anything at all. People with avoidant attachment tend to have very few close relationships, if any at all. Disorganized attachment, also called fearful-avoidant or ambivalent attachment, is when someone wants to be close to people, but it scares them. They tend to have more relationships than people who are avoidant, but once the relationship gets too close, they push it away, and/or otherwise avoid being close to people or even close to their own selves and what they feel.

This is a good article and video about it: http://www.psychalive.org/what-is-your-attachment-style/

For me, I thought I was asexual for a long time. Then I started working on processing the trauma in therapy, and working on my own disorganized attachment style, and it all shifted. I still am probably more on the asexual side of the spectrum, but as my attachment shifts to a more secure pattern, being close to people actually feels good. It is a really new and different feeling for me. Being sexually intimate doesn't feel all bad or numb 100% of the time anymore. Only about 70% of the time. It keeps changing. Sometimes it even feels like something I actually want.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

@Justmehere wow that's scary accurate, I've had countless of friend but I won't point or another, when we reach a certain level I just cut them off completely, they'd try to regain contact but I just don't return the calls/messages and eventually they stop coming. When I researched it, it looks like I'm both asexual and aromantic, both I've never heard of before until today so it's all very confusing.

With the being close to myself, I honestly don't feel like I am, I don't trust myself a lot, I don't feel like I know what I am as my personality shifts like the wind.