Discussing Sexual Content In Therapy - Necessary? How And Help?!

[lighteningdarkness]

Looking for some comments, advice, help or anything that anyone feels may be useful from experience or anywhere else. My apologies if this has already been covered elsewhere.

I have been seeing my T for a while now, we are a couple of sessions into EMDR and I think it's going well. After the first session I managed to speak to her about some barriers / difficulties I have and she was really lovely and accepting and the 2nd session was really positive.

During the discussion I did say that I have difficulty talking sexually (we're working on a sexual assault), that I was unsure about what was relevant and what her reactions would be. She was really understanding and reasuring and I felt much better.

BUT I still can't bring myself to say those things and also, not sure if it's beneficial

As I said we're doing EMDR, where she taps my hands and I think about the incident and then she says something like 'so what did you get'. I guess my dilemma is twofold:

- I don't know whether I need to be saying what I'm seeing out loud, if this is important for processing and shifting the memory

- I don't know how to make my mouth say what I've visualised / remembered and how I can live with someone else knowing that that happened to me

I don't know if this is something anyone else has experienced and worked through? I know this is a personal thing but any comments would be appreciated!

 

[maddog]

Hi Lightanddarkness. Sorry for the delayed response, just saw your message now.

There is a really good thread in the therapy forum called "talking about sex" - sorry, I'm rather technologically vague and am not sure how to post the link, but if you do a search you'll find it.

There is great discussion of this very topic on that thread and you'll no doubt be able to get some great responses there.

Personally I'd like to know the answers to your questions almost as much as you would, as I haven't yet started EMDR but know i will be wondering the same things when I do, given that I wonder those same things already and don't seem able to find the answers - or to find *my* answers anyway.

Hope this helps. Really glad the process is under way for you, as daunting as I know it is.

Maddog

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Thanks maddog, will take a look. Daunting....that's a great word :)

 

[Meadowsweet]

This is the link for the thread Maddog mentioned - [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/talking-about-sex.25308/[/DLMURL]

I don't know much about EMDR, I am in trauma focussed CBT. In that there is an element of what my therapist calls re-living, which involves closing my eyes and taking myself back into the memory and talking about what's happening.

I've only done it once and I don't fully understand the benifits or drawbacks. Naturally it leaves me feeling like crap, like it just happened. And for me it started to bring up other stuff.

But, after the real incident I didn't feel like crap in the same way. I felt confused and ashamed at what I'd done and tried to put it out of my mind and be a better person. But in reliving I found feelings of fear, thoughts that I might escalate the situation and understanding that I wouldn't be able to get out safely. And that has helped in understanding my dissociation and 'allowing' things to happen.

 

[JasmineDog]

Hi Lightanddarkness...

In my EMDR, by about the 9th session, I really had a feel for it, and I would say that you don't actually have to say the words out loud for it to be effective. I think that the spoken words are more for the therapist to get a sense of where you are and if you need to be re-focused. Sometimes minds wander and get off-track. I got to where I was going into the session with a "list" in my head of what I wanted freedom from, and could almost detect the exact moment when the thought switched from emotional to logical.

I had multiple sexual abuses, and while most were discussed during the set-up sessions, not all were spoken about out loud during the buzzer sessions - but ALL were thought about and cleared. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my pain-free life now...

Keep strong, and when she taps your hands for response, only a word or two is necessary to sum up your current thought...

 

[Bluemax111f]

I don't feel comfortable discussing anything sexual with the Therapist or Psychiatrist, but in my case my PTSD does not have a sexual component - unless you count problems with relationships etc. post trauma.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Thanks for the replies, sorry have been a bit distracted so apologies for my delayed response.

Meadowsweet, the first EMDR I did where we accessed the incident left me really traumatised - like you say, it was like it just happened. We work much harder now at how much I 'lose myself' in the remembering, she grounds me through the session and I use my 'safe place' in my mind which works well.

That said, you're right, the emotions it raises are extremely unpleasant. I have increased flashbacks and recall following a session, like my brain carries on reprocessing. Apparantly this is normal, and why I guess it's important to be able to have self support and a safe place outside of the session. I've gained a whole raft of strong new emotions to work through, but the original memory has lost its sting. Hope your therapy continues and brings you some relief.

JasmineDog, so glad to hear that the EMDR worked so well for you. I have found it to have some positive results too. It's really interesting to hear that you didn't give details but still cleared the problems.

I have spoken to my T about my hesitation in this area and we talked it through, me not wanting her to know / be upset, what she might think of me. We spoke about what language I'm comfortable with which was useful. I'm a bit more comfortable now, although still hugely embarrased. We've agreed that if I need to (I guess more in relation to flashbacks) that I can email her them as it's the verbalising it that I find most difficult.

Thanks Bluemax, I guess it's a standard 'default' to be hesitant talking about sex, which is so private.

Next session tomorrow, scared!