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ED Disordered eating

Discussion in 'Other Disorders' started by Living in the 70s, Dec 1, 2017.

  1. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    So I am still bouncing back from the anesthesia. I am so tired. I have been working so hard on things. And the anesthesia was only local, but I had a lot, and they had to take a lot out. It was a big cyst.

    So I am comfort eating but within the bounds of my weightwatchers points - so I am not going too much over a regular day's consumption of food.
     
    NinjaWolf likes this.
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  3. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    So there are a lot of feelings under the surface, and I don't want to feel them.

    So I have feelings of ickiness and nausea and I am not looking forward to feeling them! Last night I had a series of terrible dreams that I was going to be burnt alive. I kept being made to stand in a position where the burning was going to take place.

    I kept being made to stand in that position whilst it was being choregraphed - the live burning of me. Then I realised that it was a dream and I didn't have to stay so I woke myself up from the dream.

    It was a horrible dream.

    I had some really tough dreams last night. It was a horrendous night of sleeping.

    So there are a lot of feelings under the surface, and I don't want to feel them.

    I have been staying mostly weight watchers points but I have had a few extra pieces of fruit and so forth. So I have been a bit numb this last week. I also had minor surgery, and have a cold. I am scared as well of the next part of the journey.
     
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  4. NinjaWolf

    NinjaWolf I'm a VIP

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    Are you scared because the feelings underneath feel overwhelming and ‘swallowing’?

    I am sorry you had awful dreams. I find those sort hard to shake off, so they seem to linger through the day. Here’s hoping the dream helped you process some of the intensity of the feelings you sense are beneath the surface so that when they come they won’t be as overwhelming. Sending you support and hoping some humor comes your way and can provide some much needed levity. :hug::hug:
     
    Living in the 70s likes this.
  5. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    NinjaWolf likes this.
  6. NinjaWolf

    NinjaWolf I'm a VIP

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    Sending support @Living in the 70s , and standing with you is welcome. You can do this, and you already are. :hug:

    If*
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2018
    Living in the 70s likes this.
  7. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    I am really sick. I am not sure if I am physically sick or if I am somatising, that is the hard thing to work out. Though if I get a cold and don't take care of it, it can stay for months, so I am being wise on that. But I feel very ordinary I must say.

    I am really sick, and I am putting way too much pressure on myself.

    So I am on Day 10 of my Self Compassion Challenge. Go me!
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2018
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  8. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    So a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability - really overwhelming stuff.

    I am a bit off my food at the moment. That never happens!

    I am still physically quite ill as I put way too much raw garlic in my hummus and I have not felt well since then. I also had minor surgery and a cold last week so physically I have not been at my strongest.

    My anxiety and feelings of vulnerability are really hard going, and I am not sure if they are adding to my physical woes.

    Day 11 of my Self Compassion Challenge!
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2018 at 1:38 AM
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  9. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    My psychiatrist reckons that I have had the flu and gastroentris thing, and that I should rest for two days before doing anything else. She said I ate too early and should have not oils and fats after gastro. So I ate dry toast for breakfast.
     
    NinjaWolf likes this.
  10. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    I have been really physically ill, as well as not so mentally well. Still struggling with food, not eating much due to the diarrhoea. I have been eating dry toast with a scrape of apricot jam, a banana, mostly saltine crackers, and drinking flat lemonade. I don't know if I am out of the woods yet. I have been sick for a while now.
     
    NinjaWolf likes this.
  11. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    I don't need to comfort eat around talking to my sister. I need to learn to sit with my feelings. I feel like I can't manage that.

    My Self Compassion Challenge crashed and burned when I spent three days beating myself up for being sick and not doing enough.
     
    NinjaWolf likes this.
  12. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    So the whole sister thing was so complicated by dysfunctional family situations between my other brother and my Mother and another sister. So messy and revolting.

    I was feeling upset, and I knew I would just end up eating so we went out for a walk.

    Then we went out for dinner and I had a soup. There was a time when I would have eaten a plate of what my partner was eating, and also have some nori rolls as well. Tonight I had a sense of what enough was like, and that I had had enough. I haven't had a sense of having enough often in my life.

    Tonight I ate appropriately, slowly, and within what I should eat whilst so sick.

    So I am now about 5 kilos out of being overweight into being the normal weight range for my BMI.

    This is a huge change for me. It has been a lot of hard work to manage my disordered eating and to not comfort eat as much.

    I am still in my early times with that, but I am doing it.
     
    NinjaWolf likes this.
  13. Living in the 70s

    Living in the 70s Was Disco Dancing Queen Premium Member Donated

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    Exercise 5: Changing your critical self-talk looking at this this morning after I ripped into myself after seeing someone and getting flustered.

    So I am making the continual choice not to numb out with food, it is a big shift in my life. It is heartbreakingly and frustratingly hard to deal with, if I would let myself be here enough to deal with it. I kept making the decision not to have a second lunch, and that is big for me. Small incremental changes are adding up to changes that mean I am more able to live my life, being here.

    I am still physically unwell, but much, much improved.
     
    intothelight, NinjaWolf and berlinda like this.
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