ED Disordered eating

[Teasel]

Not being hungry is a complete shocker for me! :singing:

 

[ms spock]

I have struggled with portion sizes again. I was eating the zero point meals, and having a couple of extra servings because they are no points. In weight watchers I have 23 points per day, and foods have different points, and some foods are zero points. Anyway I don't think they cover the good fats well enough, but it doesn't matter I eat the points for those foods because I know my brain needs them. Anyway I went back into numbing myself and comforting myself with food. It was so easy, and I barely noticed that I was doing it. And I was staying within the points so that is an improvement. I had forgotten about portion sizes. I was eating too much fruit and too many sweet things. Overall it was improvement, but I was still eating too much. Regular portion sizes are so foreign to me that they feel like I am eating not enough, or nothing. But the good thing about Weight Watchers is that I can't go too far the other way, as I choose to use the app and document my daily intake, so I am present with what is really going on for me. So it is a safeguard for me.

Not being hungry is a complete shocker for me! :singing:

I get shocked by that as well! When it happens! I have anxiety about not having enough. And that is overlaid over food, and I get worried about not having enough food.

 

[Teasel]

I've been increasing my fruit & veg intake and also other forms of fibre too. Cause of info I saw on how eating a really wide variety of fibrous foods dramatically increases the variety of microbes in your gut.

Which apparently is linked to being a healthy weight. Saw another show talking about this tonight. In studies on twins, done over 25 years, if one twin ate increased and varied types of fibre, they were more likely to be considerably slimmer than their identical twin.

Anyhow, I'm finding I'm much less hungry and feel more energetic generally.

 

[mumstheword]

I ate almost half a block of cooking chocolate for breakfast yesterday,:shy::sorry::(. It was a really hard day. I got through it by writing lots of poetry, here, on site.

I finally felt better in the night but didn't want to take any diazepam or tamazapam to sleep as I've been relying on it a bit lately, so consequently, couldn't sleep til morning.

I only had one serving of dinner though, and lately I've been having small bowls but going back for seconds. No seconds last night!

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm just really not too well at the moment. I just want to isolate and hide as feelings are overwhelming and extreme:hungover:.

I haven't eaten yet as I only just woke up:singing:. Hopefully food choices are, at least better than yesterday morning. Yes, I'm giving the rest of the block a miss, for now. Chokky-free day for me today!:woot:

 

[ms spock]

I've been increasing my fruit & veg intake and also other forms of fibre too. Cause of info I saw on how eating a really wide variety of fibrous foods dramatically increases the variety of microbes in your gut.

I am trying to eat a wider variety of fruit and vegetables as well. I want good guy health.

Which apparently is linked to being a healthy weight.

I have read about this too.

Saw another show talking about this tonight. In studies on twins, done over 25 years, if one twin ate increased and varied types of fibre, they were more likely to be considerably slimmer than their identical twin.

Interesting

I'm finding I'm much less hungry and feel more energetic generally.

That is great!

 

[ms spock]

I ate almost half a block of cooking chocolate for breakfast yesterday,:shy::sorry::(. It was a really hard day. I got through it by writing lots of poetry, here, on site.

I am glad that you got through!

I have been there!

I only had one serving of dinner though, and lately I've been having small bowls but going back for seconds. No seconds last night!

Good on you! I am doing this as well. I am trying to stick to regular portion sizes, and I have not quite adjusted to what a regular portion size is.

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm just really not too well at the moment. I just want to isolate and hide as feelings are overwhelming and extreme:hungover:.

My feelings are overwhelming and extreme as well, at the moment.

I haven't eaten yet as I only just woke up:singing:. Hopefully food choices are, at least better than yesterday morning. Yes, I'm giving the rest of the block a miss, for now. Chokky-free day for me today!:woot:

I made better choices as well today.

 

[ms spock]

Still struggling to stick with normal portion sizes, but doing it.

 

[bellbird]

Me too @Living in the 70s . I'm with you

 

[ms spock]

It is a big change @bellbird!

I had a big success for me during a very stressful event today. It was Papa Bear's 88th Birthday today. I organised the party. It was tricky. However I did not over eat, comfort eat or have several binge eating serves. I worked out my points for my meal by looking at the menu before I went. I did okay. I did find it hard not to self soothe with food. I found it a challenge to not overeat, but I did it. I didn't eat a quarter of the potatoes because there were four portions of it on my plate. I do really see how easy it is to be overweight, even if you don't struggle with disordered eating, PTSD and Complex Trauma. I looked around the room, and all plates sizes were big, and everyone had four or five portions on their plates, which they all ate, and most of them are overweight, a number of them were obese, so we would have to change the fundamental way we do food in Australia if we were to substantially tackle our obesity problem. We make enough food for 66 million people in Australia, per year, so roughly a couple of times over our population, most of it goes to landfill. That is such a terrible shame. Particularly when so many people live with food insecurity, and 1 in 5 Australia children go without breakfast or dinner. I find it frustrating. And it is embarrassing to have the problems that I have, but hey they are my problems, and I own them now. I had a terribly abusive childhood, and it left me with a lot of challenges, and those challenges are really tough for me. I did okay with food today. I didn't undereat either, and I had allowed enough points to have a piece of pavlova so that was great. I did not go into deprivation either. So a day of changes. It takes all my engery to manage this at this time, but with practising and time I will get better at it.

I did a lot of Self Compassion Breaks today, as Self Compassion is the way forward for me - my self loathing, my corrosive self doubt, and my self hatred are all so difficult for me to negotiate. So teeny tiny steps, incremental movements forward.

 

[bellbird]

I did not over eat, comfort eat or have several binge eating serves.

Gosh you have been through so much @Living in the 70s , and I'm proud of you for how got through the challenges of today, and all of the other days. I can tell you are very mindful and very strong, and I admire that in you :)

 

[ms spock]

I am doing okay with this. I skipped dinner because I knew that eating before bed, or whilst in bed would be a thing last night, so I did have a plate of dinner in bed, and that was better, because I didn't overeat last night. I was pleased with that.

We went for a 15 minute walk with our dog this morning. I ate a decent breakfast. Then I came back and went to a Buddhist meditation and talk for two hours. I worked with/on my mind, and gently challenging my maladaptive daydreaming, and noting my thoughts and my ruminations. I did okay with it. It wasn't easy but I did it.

 

[ms spock]

I got through the day. Overall my eating is improving but there are patchy parts in there, and that is to be expected when I am working on changing over 40 years of disordered eating. I have lost 10 kilos now, from my beginning weight. There are many health benefits as a result of doing this. Pain management in my body is going to get much better over time.