ED Disordered eating

ms spock

Sponsor
I have tried for 35 years to get into and stay in my body at the same times I am around people, and I just really can't do it except with a couple of people. I have tried so hard and pushed myself beyond what I can actually do. So I am trying to be a bit more realistic.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Struggling with eating a lot. Craving sugar from the depths of my soul. It's a false refuge - but it's what I used as a kid to survive. Not engaging to fight with that part. Just doing my best.

Slowly I improve.


So Self Compassion Breaks
1. This is suffering.
2. Anyway who has trauma struggles with X thinking, maladaptive day dreaming, eating, etc
3. What can I do now to comfort myself.

Tara Brach has
RAIN

Recognise
Acknowledge
Investigate
Nurture

Repeat x a million.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
This is still really a huge struggle for me. I need to slowly start to make better decisions on this. Hospital was okay. I managed well. I still was a basket case three days before and I just numbed out on food and slept after I got into the car yesterday. I did my best I couldn't manage any better than that. I took two Valium an hour before getting there. It was good. Then I comfort ate in bed. Not the best but still overall an improvement. This eating thing started when I was such a really small child, and it was how I managed as a kid with everything. Eating feels like my family in a way, so sad, still improving quite a lot. I just have to get back to this better.
 

Digz

MyPTSD Pro
I am the same. Eating has always been a huge issue for me. It is either completely on or completely off/ severely restricted. There has never been a middle ground for me and I find that moderation so tricky. I have been super underweight and overweight. I know the thing I should aim for is finding that moderation. I know I have to use mindfulness to be aware of what I'm eating too - but it is so very hard and I certainly haven't mastered it yet. I read a book a while ago called 'Good Girls do Swallow' by Rachael Oakes-Ash. I found it a really good, interesting read and it gave me some insights into the idea that restriction can often be the cause of terrible cycles of eating and shame. I hope you find somewhere safe to live soon and have some success with eating. It is something I am constantly working on, regressing, reevaluating.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Getting on top of this.

From 87 down to 82.5 - doing it slowly.

Stopped comfort eating, mostly. Had one small bowl last night - raspberries, crushed almonds and yogurt.

Working on it - feel worse but staying with it or distracting.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I have been working on this each day and have improved significantly. It's not easy as B is going for 3/4 comfort eating when he did a shop, but I have really been listening to David Burns podcasts, rereading bits of the Feeling Great book and listening to the audio book. I have been doing as much exercise as possible. Gardening and this morning when I did meditation I put an ice pack on the back of my neck. So I am getting myself out of freeze, flight, fight and fawn.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
B's still in hospital. I am a bit stressed about it. I went into a bit of freeze and comfort eating but not as much as I would have previously so significant improvement. I didn't binge so that is really good. It's a process.
 
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