ED Disordered eating

ms spock

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Eating more salads and vegetables. 81.6 now the top of my BMI is 67 kilos. Trying to remember self compassion but mostly I forget. I am too harsh, critical and abusive towards myself. Slips and slides but overall improvements.

So I have to create more self soothing and emotional regulation activities to get on top of the dysregulation and me slipping into flight, fight and freeze states. I need to learn to breathe and ground. I am nervous about breathing and grounding. I keep getting hijacked and dissociated. My poor little body is in such a state. I have obsessive compulsive thinking and it is tough to deal with. My body gets hijacked and I spin aground in my head

I have to stop being so hard on my self
 
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ms spock

Sponsor
...self soothing and emotional regulation activities to get on top of ... me slipping into flight, fight and freeze states.
It's a goal.
I need to learn to breathe and ground. I am nervous about breathing and grounding. I keep getting hijacked and dissociated.
So I have to go slower? Got an ice pack on the back of my neck.
My poor little body is in such a state. I have obsessive compulsive thinking and it is tough to deal with. My body gets hijacked and I spin aground in my head
Noticing & challenging this more but finding it hard.
I have to stop being so hard on my self.
It is a major challenge.

I went to bed early top read a book to avoid habitual night and emotional comfort eating. I got up and had 4 biscuits which is much better than a whole box.

Night time is my worst time.
 
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TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
That is tough. Sorry to read that.
I decided to travel to "safe and responsible places" -going crazy at home. When I get back home, I'm making an eat better plan....doing some serious trauma phase 2 stuff....I think I need a plan to combat this during this time. This is just a moment in time.....a rough moment....a long moment.....but still, I tell myself that.....leaves me with a shred of hope for change.
 

ms spock

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I decided to travel to "safe and responsible places" -going crazy at home.
Good strategy. You have to look after your mental health
When I get back home, I'm making an eat better plan....doing some serious trauma phase 2 stuff....I think I need a plan to combat this during this time.
You are definitely not alone with that.
This is just a moment in time.....a rough moment....a long moment.....but still, I tell myself that.....leaves me with a shred of hope for change.
Definitely. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation and that shows that you are already changing in my book.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
Good strategy. You have to look after your mental health

You are definitely not alone with that.

Definitely. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation and that shows that you are already changing in my book.
Thanks. I have a go-to strategy for weightloss....I wish I could do it as a life long plan....but it never lasts long enough to become a healthy way of eating. I feel better when I eat regularly, on some semblance of a schedule, and meet my nutritional needs. So for breakfast, I have a premier protein shake....chocolate....and I add about 1 cup of milk, and it tastes more like chocolate milk. It has 30 grams of protein and 1/2 of my daily vitamins....adding the milk increases vitamin D and calcium. It gives me energy first thing in the morning. Then I do salad for lunch....often with a piece of fruit and a boiled egg and a light calorie dressing. For dinner, I've been doing fish, shellfish, eggs any way with or without veggies, and for dessert....the last thing I eat is a chocolate Yasso fudge bar....80 calories. My issue is with Cokes....and not drinking cokes makes me sick so I think I have blood sugar issues or transition issues. I was doing well off of them, then the faux sugar additives made me hurt everywhere. Now, I drink too much of the stuff.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Thanks. I have a go-to strategy for weightloss....I wish I could do it as a life long plan....but it never lasts long enough to become a healthy way of eating. I feel better when I eat regularly, on some semblance of a schedule, and meet my nutritional needs.
It sounds like you have a good plan.

I keep resetting and beginning again. Not doing so well but not doing so bad.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
It sounds like you have a good plan.

I keep resetting and beginning again. Not doing so well but not doing so bad.
I came back from a mini=2 day vacation at the NJ shore, where I was fed 3 times a day, ice water with dinner, and there was no snacking inbetween. Dessert was once every day, after dinner. Special K with blueberries, strawberries, and banana....tasted good! It sounds like a lot of work for breakfast....then there was the eggs with a hit of cream cheese and chives....yum (sounds fattening for eggs), and always lots of fresh fruit at the table. Anyway, the Special K with fruit might be an easy-enough breakfast (I hate making a mess for breakfast or cooking for myself in the morning). So maybe looking at other food options might be in order. I do the same......diet.....fall off....stop weighing myself........gain weight....then restart.....and weigh daily......wish food wasn't such a struggle.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
So I can't move and have had my leg up for a couple of days but I am doing okay with this. It's not easy but I am improving. I am much more moderate.
 

ms spock

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So I organised an appointment to discuss putting in a legal action about my sexual abuse by the Catholic Church. I feel really emotional. I am not comfort eating.
 

ms spock

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I am slogging it out with this, underneath the numbing is depression, anxiety, loneliness and all this self hatred and self abuse. No wonder I just wanted to eat, I am tired and really upset. Struggling to get moving, struggling to get moving, struggling to do basic things, just running time out and wasting time.

Still 81 kilos what is a meal I think of as a snack. Really sticking with this. It's tough.
 
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