ED Disordered eating

[ms spock]

Eating more salads and vegetables. 81.6 now the top of my BMI is 67 kilos. Trying to remember self compassion but mostly I forget. I am too harsh, critical and abusive towards myself. Slips and slides but overall improvements.

So I have to create more self soothing and emotional regulation activities to get on top of the dysregulation and me slipping into flight, fight and freeze states. I need to learn to breathe and ground. I am nervous about breathing and grounding. I keep getting hijacked and dissociated. My poor little body is in such a state. I have obsessive compulsive thinking and it is tough to deal with. My body gets hijacked and I spin aground in my head

I have to stop being so hard on my self

 

[ms spock]

...self soothing and emotional regulation activities to get on top of ... me slipping into flight, fight and freeze states.

It's a goal.

I need to learn to breathe and ground. I am nervous about breathing and grounding. I keep getting hijacked and dissociated.

So I have to go slower? Got an ice pack on the back of my neck.

My poor little body is in such a state. I have obsessive compulsive thinking and it is tough to deal with. My body gets hijacked and I spin aground in my head

Noticing & challenging this more but finding it hard.

I have to stop being so hard on my self.

It is a major challenge.

I went to bed early top read a book to avoid habitual night and emotional comfort eating. I got up and had 4 biscuits which is much better than a whole box.

Night time is my worst time.

 

[TruthSeeker]

That is tough. Sorry to read that.

I decided to travel to "safe and responsible places" -going crazy at home. When I get back home, I'm making an eat better plan....doing some serious trauma phase 2 stuff....I think I need a plan to combat this during this time. This is just a moment in time.....a rough moment....a long moment.....but still, I tell myself that.....leaves me with a shred of hope for change.

 

[ms spock]

I decided to travel to "safe and responsible places" -going crazy at home.

Good strategy. You have to look after your mental health

When I get back home, I'm making an eat better plan....doing some serious trauma phase 2 stuff....I think I need a plan to combat this during this time.

You are definitely not alone with that.

This is just a moment in time.....a rough moment....a long moment.....but still, I tell myself that.....leaves me with a shred of hope for change.

Definitely. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation and that shows that you are already changing in my book.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Good strategy. You have to look after your mental health

You are definitely not alone with that.

Definitely. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation and that shows that you are already changing in my book.

Thanks. I have a go-to strategy for weightloss....I wish I could do it as a life long plan....but it never lasts long enough to become a healthy way of eating. I feel better when I eat regularly, on some semblance of a schedule, and meet my nutritional needs. So for breakfast, I have a premier protein shake....chocolate....and I add about 1 cup of milk, and it tastes more like chocolate milk. It has 30 grams of protein and 1/2 of my daily vitamins....adding the milk increases vitamin D and calcium. It gives me energy first thing in the morning. Then I do salad for lunch....often with a piece of fruit and a boiled egg and a light calorie dressing. For dinner, I've been doing fish, shellfish, eggs any way with or without veggies, and for dessert....the last thing I eat is a chocolate Yasso fudge bar....80 calories. My issue is with Cokes....and not drinking cokes makes me sick so I think I have blood sugar issues or transition issues. I was doing well off of them, then the faux sugar additives made me hurt everywhere. Now, I drink too much of the stuff.

 

[ms spock]

Thanks. I have a go-to strategy for weightloss....I wish I could do it as a life long plan....but it never lasts long enough to become a healthy way of eating. I feel better when I eat regularly, on some semblance of a schedule, and meet my nutritional needs.

It sounds like you have a good plan.

I keep resetting and beginning again. Not doing so well but not doing so bad.

 

[TruthSeeker]

It sounds like you have a good plan.

I keep resetting and beginning again. Not doing so well but not doing so bad.

I came back from a mini=2 day vacation at the NJ shore, where I was fed 3 times a day, ice water with dinner, and there was no snacking inbetween. Dessert was once every day, after dinner. Special K with blueberries, strawberries, and banana....tasted good! It sounds like a lot of work for breakfast....then there was the eggs with a hit of cream cheese and chives....yum (sounds fattening for eggs), and always lots of fresh fruit at the table. Anyway, the Special K with fruit might be an easy-enough breakfast (I hate making a mess for breakfast or cooking for myself in the morning). So maybe looking at other food options might be in order. I do the same......diet.....fall off....stop weighing myself........gain weight....then restart.....and weigh daily......wish food wasn't such a struggle.

 

[ms spock]

So I can't move and have had my leg up for a couple of days but I am doing okay with this. It's not easy but I am improving. I am much more moderate.

 

[ms spock]

So I organised an appointment to discuss putting in a legal action about my sexual abuse by the Catholic Church. I feel really emotional. I am not comfort eating.

 

[ms spock]

I am slogging it out with this, underneath the numbing is depression, anxiety, loneliness and all this self hatred and self abuse. No wonder I just wanted to eat, I am tired and really upset. Struggling to get moving, struggling to get moving, struggling to do basic things, just running time out and wasting time.

Still 81 kilos what is a meal I think of as a snack. Really sticking with this. It's tough.

 

[ms spock]

Didn't do so well with this last night but still better overall.

 

[ms spock]

I had a stressful day at the hospital today. I chose not to comfort eat, which was good.