ED Disordered eating

[ms spock]

So many things have gone to shit - some of it not down to me, however willing to look at what is down to me.

 

[VioletButterfly]

So many things have gone to shit - some of it not down to me, however willing to look at what is down to me.

Strength! Insight! You go girl! :) VB

 

[VioletButterfly]

I lost 2 lbs per the scale this morning and it's been right up front on the windshield of self image all day. I'm not feeling so comfortable with this given how weightloss has impacted me in the past. The past has been rushing in with file folders overflowing with condemnation. I've been falling through tissue paper floors all day. Have written a fair bit this evening, but afraid to share. Staying lost in music and hoping tomorrow will be better. I so very much hate this!!! Why can't I just be "normal" and happy to lose 2 lbs!?! I know that I'm not healthy at this weight. Logic has been ground under the heels of my life and I'm struggling to breathe under the weight of it all.

Kind of here to stay safe tonight:

 

[ms spock]

Even going backwards due to my Father dying, and all the shit that went down with that, and the nightmare of that school that is horrible for both staff and students, I haven't gone back as far as I could. I am a bit more in my body so noticing intellectually that I don't need more at times, and being more aware of portion sizes and so forth, means I have done much, much better than I would have a year ago.

 

[ms spock]

I am still working on this. Gradually getting back to it.

 

[ms spock]

Okay this morning it was painful to go to the toilet so I officially ate too much. Time to pull it back.

I had salad for breakfast. For lunch I had a ham and cheese croissant and two muffins this morning.

 

[ms spock]

I had some cherry milkshakes and forgot to put the yogurt in and I also had some yogurt and blueberries.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Yeah well I am not going to torture myself over what was my only real life skill, other than dissociation, depersonalisation or derealisation to cope and survive. Now near enough it is just good enough. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be good enough. If a stuff up, well that is to be expected as this has been my main way of coping.

@ms spock Not to be chuckling at your dilemma w food, cuz I have the same issue... but I just love the phrase....stuff up.....it really describes well what I do when I'm having an emotional issue.....it is not a phrase I've heard before here in the states....but it is really quite descriptive. Back to your thread.....I think re-regulating sleep is a super idea....I think that's something I'll try....let me know how it goes....

 

[ms spock]

Okay so I really crashed and burned with my eating. But I am back on the job.

 

[ms spock]

I need to eat three reasonable meals per day or I end up snacking.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I think it might be starting again. I'm not doing it on purpose though. I'm not refusing to eat outright but I'm going all day without eating again. No matter how hungry I get. Like right now I'm so hungry but I'm not going for food. It's 3:25pm and I've been up since 10:30am. And I haven't eaten anything. I want to but I'm not doing it. I should. Ok I will. But why am I doing this? Does anyone else do this? I should add that I do eat dinner and have a snack later but that's it.

 

[ms spock]

I go through this as well @BlackbirdSinging

I am over eating and binge eating at the moment.