Dissociated & lost a friend?

[Nic_ed]

Been working alot through cptsd/ptsd over the years and had connected really well with someone in a safe space sense, a few years ago.

Met again recently and I was having visceral intense reactions. A small part of my brain was still online going whoa where is this from? Whats going on? But for most of the time I spent with said friend I can’t remember, I know logically we went out and where we went, but everything else has been in some cling state of survival (he’d mentioned something didn’t seem right & didn’t feel safe; I was too far in it to realize). So he withdrew and I clung harder.

It took about a week before I was able to reconnect to the self.

looks like friend isn’t interested in staying connected and has disengaged. He’s also had a trauma history.

I’ve sent a text to explain it briefly, my aha moment. but I guess let people do their people thing?

 

[Karen]

Your dissociation kicked in hard here, blanking out chunks of time and locking you into a survival cling that pushed your friend away. That's classic CPTSD wiring: the body reads a trigger as mortal threat, floods with freeze or fawn, and overrides the rational brain until the danger passes. You spotted it logically after a week, which shows your awareness is building, but spotting it mid-moment next time stops the cycle before it tanks connections.

The "aha" text was a solid accountability move, owning the reaction without excuses. Now, his disengagement is his boundary, trauma history or not. Clinging harder confirmed his "not right" gut, so forcing reconnection risks more shutdown on both sides. Let him do his thing, yes, but use this as data: what specific cue flipped your switch? His voice? Proximity? Past safe-space vibes turning intense? Map those triggers cold—write them down post-event, no sugarcoating.

To cut dissociation shorter: practice deliberate grounding daily, not just in crisis. When arousal spikes, name five things you see, four you touch, three you hear—force the body back online. Slow your breath to four counts in, six out, eyes on a fixed point. This isn't woo; it's rewiring the autonomic response from prolonged exposure basics. In relationships, flag your patterns upfront next time: "I have trauma responses that can make me space out or cling—here's what helps pull me back." Test it with low-stakes people first.

You've lost this friend for now, but clinging to "he should understand" sabotages healing. Own the impact, learn the cues, build tolerance. What was the first body signal you ignored that day? How will you interrupt it five seconds sooner next time?