Dissociating, panic attacks, violent imagery 😢

Widow_of_one

MyPTSD Pro
I wasn't able to find any peer reviewed studies to substantiate this. I didn't find anything to substantiate this. Where did you get the info that it's a fact? I'm really curious.
Hi dharmagirl: about 3 years ago I started reading books written by people who where abused by their dads; and all except one said their mother knew. That was 9 out of 10 and to me: those are odds that don’t exist naturally! And I suspect the 10th just didn’t want to say or hasn’t remembered yet.

not to get off topic, but at the time I didn’t know that my grandmother was apart of my abuse. I thought what I had read: a man sneaks into your room at night pretty much summed it up. It didn’t explain the choking, group sex, being drugged, being threatened by killing small animals, etc.

my grandfather not only had his friends, my mother & her brothers, my grandmother plus he was apart of a sex Ring. I’ve read the “Centre for missing and exploited children” report. (See attached) It explains the different types of Pedafile. My grandfather was the worst type snd is estimated to be 1-3% of all cases. Also as a note they mention “michael Jackson” alleged type as well: he abuses a child between certain ages dumping them once they hit a certain age:

watch a documentary entitled “leaving Neverland” where the parents try to say “they didn’t know”. It allows you to see inside the mind of the child (ie. Two boys who are now men and what they felt at the time) and their love for him!!!

the books are:
1) “miss America by day” by Marilyn van derbur! This wa shocking because she is in high school and her other 3 sisters have moved out snd go to college and she states it that her mom (an alcoholic KNeW!).

2) the next by “Jane Rowan” (“a River of forgetting: a memoir of healing from sexual abuse”) again states that she Remebered her mom telling her she fell and that’s why her “girl part beteeen her legs hurts”. She also rmebeeed her mom telling her dad that she won’t remember the abuse not to worry. She then explains what a monster he was in terms of one day she is walking hime from school snd sees a dog doing Soemthjng cute; her dad insists it is something vulgar and won’t stop saying that the dog was in heat! His employee tries to tell him to shut up but he won’t. I mention this becaue this is what my grandfather was like always dying rude mean things that ruined my happy mood! It’s “unnecessarily flowery” but I thought she made some excellent points.

Also: watch dr Phil (“Amanda’s secret: forbidden love s14 e102). I mention this because I realized that both her brother snd mother KNew! They just denied it while on tv! It showed me that incest is indeed a “family affair”. As a child I would tell my moms youngest brother snd her mother what was hapmeing snd both said: he’s just teasing you! It wouldn’t be until I was in my 50s that I would realize that they were like Amanda’s family, benefiting from allowing him to abuse me!

3) Cyril wecht is a famous “criminologist” who states via FaCt that John benet ramsey was strangled accidentally by her dad during a “sex game”; and yes her mom was in on it!! This book made me feel grateful to be alive! If you can stomach the pictures of that beautiful little girl of her dead I would encourage you to do so since it made me realize that maybe my grandmothers insistence to be there when he Molested me wasn’t such a bad idea!

lastly, I have attached a book about “Sylvia likens” a forgotten case of a sweet girl brutally abused by her caregiver. In the book the adult caregiver ENCOUraged neighborhood kids to abuse her! In the “center for missing snd exploited children document”, I have attached, it says that most abusers encourage other people to abuse the child as well. (Read: the case of the Central Park jogger) It is typical!

When I read that book about Sylvia likens I was so sure that i wasn’t starved like she was; guess what? years after I read the book I rmebeeed my grandfather starved me for 3 days as a small child.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I read books about being abused and saw myself in those pages.
I started having flashbacks 35 years ago but I didn’t know what it meant until I starts reading what other people went through then my mind was able to “connect the dots”
read about Albert fish (serial killer and cannibal)
April tucker whcih is heartbreaking!
Grace packer
Nixmary Marie
Lisa steinberg

the list goes on and on and on and on…
 

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Widow_of_one

MyPTSD Pro
Btw I work as a “live in caregiver” for elderly people. It is a quiet job wirh free room and Board. You can also do “live in nanny” jobs which are wonderful bc you get to see chidkren grow!
 

Starfire

Confident
Remember how upset I was when during a flashback, saw the few minutes after time with an abuser. For the first time, saw a blur take my hand (csa) and walk me to another room. Suddenly I realized somebody else knew. Then logic kicked in and of course somebody, who was responsible for my care, had to know and not question the after effects.
 

Widow_of_one

MyPTSD Pro
Remember how upset I was when during a flashback, saw the few minutes after time with an abuser. For the first time, saw a blur take my hand (csa) and walk me to another room. Suddenly I realized somebody else knew. Then logic kicked in and of course somebody, who was responsible for my care, had to know and not question the after effects.
Yup! It seems like most chidkren are abused with the permission of the “caregiver(s)”…just know you are a Hero who has struggled against great odds to exist (just like me). I swear I am grateful to be here! Be good to yourself I know your life has a purpose!
 
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