Do i actually like anyone???

[ladee]

Then, if it is meant to be, it will... but bring it to a halt.... now. This is huge, as I said... and it's taking more than you have right now.. Doesn't mean it's not there, it just has to surface in it's own time... and sweetie, we all still have our dark side... that does not mean we aren't lovable or capable of love... it's just not time.... give yourself permission to continue saving your life.... nothing else in the world matters. nothing....

Things come together when they are supposed to.... maybe you and I are alone for many reasons... I am not lonely. Do not want a man in my life... but I do love my friends, as I love you more than you will ever know... but it's just free... no strings, no obligations, dont want thing back from you.... no work... it's just what it is...

Please do not end up in the hospital over something that is just not for you, maybe not now, maybe never.... it's not worth it...

Love you, and have complete faith in you to take care of you... right now !! Lots of love, and lots of hugs, put them in the pile... setting with you quitely... wanting nothing.. but for you to stay alive... you know this is from my heart... let him go....

 

[hodge]

Yes, Ragdoll, take your time. He sounds like a good guy, but if you are not ready, you're not ready, period. It's really best to have a good handle on yourself before getting into a relationship. In the meantime, how cool is it that this guy likes you so much? Revel in that. And feel free to tell him you need some time off and take care of yourself (you don't even have to tell him it's to take time off from him, just that you need some time to sort things out in your own life). Allow yourself time to take care of yourself and to know that a nice guy wants to be with you. Whether or not you decide he's for you, it's still nice to know you are attracting good guys. That is a huge sign of progress. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Ragdoll Circus I think the biggest thing is the agoraphobia that’s getting in the way. I went through that for 3 months. Was the worst 3 months with PTSD I’ve ever had. I’m a stubborn bitch though and I HAD to work to Support myself so, I had to just push through it every day.

It consumed my thoughts most of the time that I was home. HOW was I going to do this the next day and the day after that. It was awful, but it didn’t kill me either. Felt like it, but it didn’t.

So I’m guessing that you spend a lot of time worrying about going out, and how in the hell are you going to do it, rather than it’s actually about him. He’s just the reason that you have to go out.

I think that you pretty much know, that agoraphobia will eventually own you, control you and strip you of a life if you don’t fight it and fight it hard. It’s an irrational fear that has tumbleweeded into this.

You’re too young to let this destroy your entire life and happiness. PTSD, can be a pain in the ass but you can still have a life with it. Agoraphobia strips you of any kind of life. Exposure therapy works. Going out everyday, even if you feel that you can’t. Baby step everyday, and taking more of them, and then adding to your baby steps. Fight this with every fiber of your being.

 

[Sideways]

@She Cat - I have been seriously minimising the agoraphobia issue in my head, but reading you describe it exactly how it is, kind of hits home that this issue is bigger than I give it credit for. I know I’m agoraphobic, but it seems stupid, so I don’t take it very seriously.

When I need to go out, I just tell myself I’m being an idiot. That doesn’t actually make the level of distress go down though, it just makes me feel like this isn’t a legitimate problem. But yet, like you described, I spend a lot of time quite sick with anxiety about having to go out again the next time. My agoraphobia has been pretty bad for at least a year, and it really is hell.

My pdoc has picked up that the agoraphobia is more of a problem than I seem to appreciate myself. I’m so used to living with that constant fear that it just seems like one of those stupid issues that I have to live with.

Definitely something I need to be dealing with more seriously, and chastising myself for being stupid as a way to cope with it isn’t a very good strategy. So, thank you for being direct about that, I needed to hear that.

 

[Mach123]

I just know. They always like me back unconditionally. It's mutual. There have been so few but when you find them they usually stay in your life. They wander away sometimes or life takes them away but it's not because they unfriend or unlike you. That almost never happens. I guess I'm talking about other men so far. With women, it's "I like you and you like me but we are both otherwise engaged currently." Besides, I don't meet many women I don't like.

 

[Sideways]

Well shit.

It’s the pedophile that waits at the bottom of my stairs every time I come and go from my apartment is a much bigger trigger than I’ve been willing to concede.

Honesty and insight’s a bitch.

Inviting you round for a stiff, virtual vodka rocks @She Cat . You’ve been more helpful than you know.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Ragdoll Circus Thanks for the drink, but I’m on the wagon. LOL!!!!! Ok, so now that insight has bit you in the ass.... What can you do to work around the trigger at the bottom of the stairs and to be able to get out of the house in order to have a life?????

Is there another way out of your apartment? Can you just ignore the asshole? Accidentally drop a cup of hot coffee on him?

I know this isn’t easy, believe me, I know!!! I crawled backwards down my stairs everyday for 3 months to goet out of my apartment. Every weekend I’d pack up my stuff and drive to a friends house with the intention of staying the weekend. I have a coffee and have to leave. BUT, I kept at it and everyday things got a tiny bit better and I finally got over it. It was tough work, but like I said before, I’m a stubborn bitch and anxiety wasn’t going to control me, I was going to control it......

To this day, I’m still the same way. I just push through it...

 

[EveHarrington]

Just a thought.

If you are utterly consumed by symptoms, you don’t have the energy to have people in your life or even begin to like them.

IMHO this will come with further healing.

 

[Deleted member 44394]

I don't generally like anyone, but I just realized this. I was raised by a father who no one generally "liked", but respected, he did everything his way, no one else's...and generally thought his way was the best way, and even I remember not "liking" him growing up; he was not fun to be around but you always left and felt miserable and negative and depressed. I've realized that I do this as well now...(go figure). Just as he didn't realize he was doing it; I somehow don't either.
Although, it may be too late for me... but I can always try. This is an insufferable and, in my opinion, foolish and painful way of going through life. I'm not saying I do it all the time, but that's a pattern. I pray I forget and release this by staying open and prayer.

But I will say that America is vast filling up with moron, sub-human scum, who are degenerates and don't deserve anything but contempt or vile disdain. But, that aside; you should still try to be nice to people and live your life. There are still some good people out there.

 

[Supervixn]

Q to self: Would I be bothered by, or care, if I never engaged with this person again?

"Yes". I like something about them thats worth exploring.

"No". I don't like them enough so yeah anyway moving on...

I think it's more simple than you think ;)

 

[EveHarrington]

Q to self: Would I be bothered by, or care, if I never engaged with this person again?

"Yes". I lik...

Love this reply! (It helps me too.)

 

[Stephernovas]

So I didn't read any of the other posts, but my feedback is that I have this issue too. Sometimes I look at other people and wonder how I am supposed to have any emotion towards them. I have a negative relationship with my mom (I don't speak to her), and the last "best friend" I had randomly dropped me one day in a very cruel manner with absolutely NO explanation as to why. She got SUPER close to me, found out a bunch of my secrets and I had shared with her, and she countlessly promised numerous times to never walk away from me (especially after I told her everything). Yet, that's exactly what she did. I loved her. She filled that hole my mother carved out of me as a child. It wasn't until I met her where I knew what receiving and giving affection meant. But now, since whatever happened that caused her to coldly ditch me (yet she would still come up to me in public and insist on saying hi to me?? I texted her one day asking to talk stuff out and she declined but stated she didn't want to act like she doesn't know me??? I don't know what's going on with her - so strange). So, now I'm back to wondering how I'm supposed to love or care about another human being. Children are an exception for me, as they are too young to harm me. But, everyone else...well, they likely suck.

The way I could tell the difference between liking my friend and others, is that I would've done anything for my friend. She could call me at 4am and no matter what she needed, I would be there for her in an INSTANT. We became SUPER close. When you will happily go out of your way for them just to see them happy, that's when you know you truly care for them.