General Do I Tell Him He Has Ptsd?

[PTSDMama]

C, my 6 year old son, has been having some rough days and when he comes down from his rage he always says something like, "I'm the stupidest boy ever. I can't control myself."

As you can imagine, we try and quell these thoughts and do lots to try and build him up in a real way everyday. No one want their kid to think they're stupid. But I've been wondering lately if we should tell him about PTSD. We haven't yet, because we haven't wanted him to use it as a crutch. But we also have been very honest with everything else in his life, as much as he can handle, so it feels weird to not tell him this.

Any thoughts on whether we should tell him and what to tell him?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think you should tell him tailored to his age and be appropriate that way. He will benefit from more information. He needs to learn how to handle and manage his anger. My son became a rageaholic and just blamed it on his temper as if he had no responsibility. He did say no one twisted his arm to make him say and do the things he did.

I would tell your son.

 

[The Albatross]

Hmm. Tough decision. At 6, I'd not be inclined to tell him, but focus on modeling, coaching, teaching coping skill sets for the behavior. That's the non med therapeutic model for children with ADD/ADHD. Though the child is PTSD, there are many coping skills that can be learned --- it is easier for children than for adults.

There are lots of materials available for parents of children to use to teach emotional regulation, and coping without stigmatizing the child. Familial support may be necessary to intervene so as to support not only your child but you as parents if a suitable therapist or family counselor is available.

As I read your post yesterday, I remembered the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes"... the little boy who lost an arm. The family's approach to the child's disability. My own extended family was like that for me to a degree. They knew something wasn't right with me as a child and teen. But they created situations outside my bio home to help me be successful. I wish they would have pressed my parents, and that I knew as a young woman. But childhood and teen years are difficult enough, or were for me at any rate.

 

[The Albatross]

I would add, that parent in my Bible study has two children with mental diagnosis, one is 13 now, the other is 7. She has a third "normal" child. One of the things I admire about her is the effort she and her husband take to put the time and energy in to coping skills, and modeling things like conflict resolution, effective communication, and defusing situations that preceed an "episode" of acting out. They are very conscious of the subtle cues, and are very patiently working with their children.

Considering my upbringing, I am facinated with her effort and diligence. She is acutely aware that her methods will set the children up by habit and behavior as they mature. It is quite remarkable. There will be a time to tell, but 6 is really very young seeing as how brains do not mature until actually around 25. Even then, when the time does come, I would do it in a therapeutic environment and arrange for sessons for the child independently and as a family to transition the child responsibliy as possible.

 

[PTSDMama]

Thanks so much for your thoughts, Gizmo and Albatross. I know we fail miserably sometimes but feel like we try and model the skills we want to see in him. Given my husband and my background growing up with abuse, I sometimes envy and want to be like the parent from your Bible study...I always feel like we don't do enough. But then I see the progress he's made and think that we do pretty well.

I don't know, parenting is such a hard job with a typical child and you throw in PTSD or any other issue and it's sometimes overwhelming. Then you have days/weeks/months where it's sheer bliss.

 

[safenow]

There is a pdf file for helping your children regulate their emotions. I believe that 6 is too young to offer that ptsd advice. By the way, that paper was shared last week in the chat room. I don't have the link, but I know others from that regulation chat site will probably have it. Check with KP.

safenow

 

[The Albatross]

PTSD Mama, I sincerely believe that parenting is singlularly the most imporant thing you and your husband can endeavor to do. Though a difficult responsibility, how to cope and socialize, and communicate, and be in a relationship, and resolve conflicts are all being picked up by you're young one already. The adult your child will be, the skills they use... are better practiced and learned under guidance. All you can do is the best you can... but focus on setting your child up for success and if there is difficulty later in teen or young adulthood, there is a chance that the things you are doing now will greatly help your child.

 

[PTSDMama]

Hey safenow...KP? I just did a search and I'm not sure I know who that is. Does that stand for something? Sorry if I'm being dense.

Albatross - right you are. They are always watching and listening!

 

[safenow]

PTSDMama, go to the chat thread on emotional regulation. Sheila just put up the link to that site.

 

[Abstract]

I am not sure. I think I would tell him but like Gizmo said in an age appropriate way. Shame compounds damage so much and I think we know when something is not right with us and having an explanation can help. But then I struggle with certain things that probably means I am not unbiased.

There are probably articles on how to tell a child that age they have PTSD. I think you could package it as "this is what you have and it means you can learn to do .... and ... but it you will have to think about it and work hard on it. And that can make you happier." or something to that effect.

I love the ideas about coping skills and modeling and I think the article Safenow mentioned sounds like a good idea too.

Good luck.

 

[Toria]

The first thing that came to my mind was the PTSD Cup. Now, bear in mind I don't have children, so this is just a thought...

Could you get two buckets and lable one C and the other PTSD and then make cards with different pictures on for emotions. Put things like Love and Cuddles and Toys etc in the C bucket and put things like Anger, Rage and Tantrums in the PTSD bucket. It's the simplist way I can think of trying to demonstrate to him what is going on. If the PTSD bucket could then fit inside the C bucket it might help him understand.

Sorry if it's a silly idea... x

 

[PTSDMama]

Love, love, LOVE that idea! I was just talking to him last night after he had a bout of rage and was saying he's stupid, etc. We tell him he's not stupid but he's heard that message from others and it's hard to get out of his head because he goes so far in anger that he feels stupid afterwards because of it.