Do Laws Affect Your Seeking Help?

[Anarchy]

One of the matters arising on another thread, was mandatory reporting by teachers of sexualassault/abuse of minors .

There are obviously other areas where there could be laws impinging on us or our connection, if we seek help for certain things, as a non PTSD example, a neighbour broke his legs a few years back. He was no sooner home from getting them set, and the police armed response unit arrived at his door to take his guns away

All for his own safety - of course (any excuse is better than non at all)

What do you personally think, would mandatory obligations affect you seeking help either positively or negatively?

What if someone came for help and asked for you to keep it confidential - would you oblige? Would you say you would, then report it anyway?, or would you caution the person that sought your help and confidence, that if they told you, you'd report it regardless of their wishes, so think carefully before going further?

I promise not to jump on people for answering, I'm curious to know what people actually think.

For my own thoughts, yes it would have and still does inhibit me speaking to people, and no, I wouldn't report if I'd been asked to keep it confidential, but I would stress that I would deny all knowledge if anyone ever asked me during that persons life. The exception being if things got seriously dangerous for the person telling me and reporting seemed like the only way to save them.

 

[Kefira]

Good post. Glad you branched off from the other thread. I'll be interested to see what people come up with.

It has been an issue for me in the past. A lot of my abuse occurred during high school. I quickly learned with the first incident how devastating it could be to have a teacher have to report, and therefore told no one about my later abuse.

Now, I know who might have power over me in forcibly committing me, and I do not talk about it when I'm in active crisis with anyone. When I want help and can say I'll be safe it's one thing, but if I'm past caring I keep quiet.

I think it's important to draw a distinction here between types of mandatory reporters. My personal feeling is that people like teachers who have to report the crime, and people like psychiatrists who have to report acute suicidal or homicidal crisis are a little bit different in how one might respond and how one might be effected.

Additionally, part of the time I'm in a setting where under certain circumstances I'm a mandatory reporter. I always make an effort to very clearly communicate when someone gets close to that line what sorts of things I will have to repeat elsewhere and why. There's no good way to handle that situation so everyone's happy, but the last thing I need is someone who's already on the edge feeling as though they were betrayed.

 

[Anarchy]

Hugs K.
I've seen another member posting previously about the fallout for them of confiding, and teh authoritahs response. Hugs to them too if they still come here. I don't know how to access the emoticons on this machine.:hug: Ah, there we go :tup:

 

[scout86]

Good topic!

We have those laws because enough people had bad outcomes from unreported abuse that the powers that be decided to make reporting mandatory. I can see the sense in that. What I WISH, is the the results of reporting were less wildly unpredictable.

I'm not going to lie to someone. If I say I won't report something, I won't. If I was a mandatory reporter, I'd have to tell the person that going in. But, I'd also feel like I had to stick with them for what ever came next too, not just turn them loose and hope the system treated them well. Not that that would necessarily help.

To my complete surprise, my T has mentioned related things a couple of times, without me asking. The very first session, I made a joke about electroshock therapy. He got very serious, stopped the conversation and said, "THAT is something you NEVER have to worry about if I'M involved." (Good to know!) Then, in response to a joke about "locking people up", he said, "That's not actually as easy as you'd think."

The thing is, sometimes people NEED to be hospitalized to save their lives. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes things go horribly wrong and what should be a life saving thing becomes a nightmare. THAT seems more like the problem. The same with kids. "Reporting" is fine, but then, what? You send them home to their abuser????? That doesn't make any sense! "Yeah, not only are you abusing me, now I turned you in and REALLY gave you a reason to be mad!" It makes no sense at all. There has to be a better way to handle things AFTER the reporting.

 

[anthony]

I think mandatory obligations cause more negatives than positives. I think they exist to cover arses at higher levels of society, to justify someone's job and salary to make shit up so they can keep that job and salary.

I toss mandatory obligations in with -- and this is a little off-track, but relevant -- white collar political roles of arse covering. Law manuals keep getting thicker, mental health manuals keep getting thicker, local council manuals keep getting thicker. Why? Because someones job is to keep making shit up and then sell it as some positive to society.

This leaves us at mandatory obligations, typically from some white collar worker making shit up to cover arses or keep their employment through self-justification -- they haven't experienced the crap they make up to understand positives or negatives from the laws or procedures they write, and even when faced with the overwhelming negatives, they use the handful of positive cases to continue justifying their back seat work.

I think a single law should be written... something along the lines of -- No law or procedure is written or implemented without atleast assessing a majority input from those who have actually endured the event and then reported it, and the law / procedure is written to their failings and how they would have wanted the outcome to be. If it can't be done... then stop making shit up.

Of the track, yes... but related IMHO. I think laws and procedures create a lot of negatives surrounding seeking help, and if these white collars actually sought guidance from those who have endured, then they may actually create laws and procedures that help significantly, and not just cover collective arses but impinge the sufferer.

 

[scout86]

I think a single law should be written... something along the lines of -- No law or procedure is written or implemented without atleast assessing a majority input from those who have actually endured the event and then reported it, and the law / procedure is written to their failings and how they would have wanted the outcome to be. If it can't be done... then stop making shit up.

I'd vote for that!

 

[Thother]

Quite simply yes. I was 10/11 years old when I made the conscious decision I couldn't tell an adult, such as a teacher, about the sexual abuse I was being subjected to at home. I knew/believed then that if I'd said anything to a 'trusted' adult that they would likely inform welfare and my ability to have any control over what might happen would be greatly reduced or disappear altogether. I'd either be required to lie and say I made everything up or be responsible for tearing my family apart - something I couldn't subject those not involved in, or aware of, the abuse to. The sexual abuse continued for a couple of years and it was a decade later when I eventually told other family members what had taken place. In the interim I became a daily, but for the most part functional, drug (ab)user. Consequently there is still some scepticism from one family member about the validity of the abuse I disclosed. I'm drug free now but don't trust people and have been unable to maintain an exclusive sexual relationship with anyone for longer than three months. However, I do have a fairly good relationship with my family and in all other respects am doing well.

 

[littlelotte]

I told someone (a therapist) about the physical abuse and she didn't report it. Of all people who are legally obligated to report abuse, I would have thought a therapist would have followed through, and I really wish she had.

As an ordinary citizen (not a teacher, police, therapist, etc.) we are not legally obligated to report. If someone talked to me in confidence, I would not report it (but I can think of a long list of exceptions), but I would try to convince the person to seek help and go with them if they needed.

For the exceptions, I would make sure a young child's allegations were taken seriously by parents, and if not likely take it further. Yes, I would make sure parents knew unless they were the perpetrator(s). Someone in danger. And you get the point. I kinda ran into an issue like this at one point. A neighbor boy and girl had started exploring each other's bodies and invited me to join. They were about 8, I was five years older. I told one of the children's mom about their 'exploration' so she could have a mom/daughter chat about sexuality and private areas. It all went fine and the mom was happy to know. So, not abuse, but kinda similar.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No law is perfect, but what is the alternative? Do away with mandatory reporting and so teachers turn a blind eye? Mandatory reporting is SOMETHING which is better than NOTHING. Many of those who are reported aren't reported because their children actually SAID something, rather the evidence for abuse is in the child's actions or can physically be seen on the body. Do away with mandatory reporting and you're taking away the little safety net that these kids have right now. It makes me just a little bit sick.

The good of many outweighs the good of one. I FIRMLY believe this and that is why I put my own self at risk in order to report. Yes, it almost KILLED me. By a number of reports, it SHOULD have killed me, but I knew I had to go through with the process. If my voice saved one other child, then in the end it was all worth it.

If you stay silent, then they win.

 

[joeylittle]

I struggled with seeing a doctor after the second time I was raped, because in my state physicians have to report if they suspect rape/sexual abuse (for adults as well as minors). I ended up seeing a doctor and telling them it was all consensual, just "rough sex" gone bad. It was humiliating to lie like that, but I was not psychologically capable of reporting (for a number of reasons). So personally, yes, I've been affected negatively by the law when seeking help.

 

[scout86]

@joeylittle , can you imagine anything that could make the system work, best of all possible worlds? It's a natural reaction, I think, for an observer to want to catch the "bad guys". (My personal natural reaction might be a bit beyond that. LOL) And, it seems like somehow that's what SHOULD happen. And yet, at least in our culture as it is now, it's also a natural reaction for the victim to hide what's happened. Which only serves the "bad guys" (And I realize they aren't all GUYS, just can't think of an easy, neutral term.) Especially with kids this worries me. I totally understand the "not wanting to tell" deal, For an assortment of reasons, that never even crossed my mind as an option. But the way it seems like this SHOULD work, someone who's responsible finds out and then stops the abuse. That honestly doesn't seem like it should be as hard as it obviously is.

 

[joeylittle]

The only thing that crosses my mind would be to have the mandatory reporter talking to a victim advocate, instead of immediately going to an actionable agency. So, in my case, instead of them calling the police (and holding me there in the doctors' office until the police arrived), they would call a victim advocate who would be a well-trained social worker. They would talk to the victim about what happened, and talk more about what the victims options are.

Ultimately I think it would be the job of that victim advocate to facilitate having the victim move forward, either by pressing charges or (in the case of a minor) by being willing to go on record. But the victim would then essentially have a case-worker that would walk them through the system, and the feeling that all your choices were being taken away might be mitigated.

That's what I think people find frightening about mandatory reporters - there is little knowledge of what happens after a report, but it is certain that you (the victim) will be giving up your ability to make choices. I think it's hard to give up your choices when you've already been violated.