Do Laws Affect Your Seeking Help?

[Chava]

Good topic and I know it's hard no matter what. But as a teacher, yes I would report, and I have made reports. It is the law. And it is also in the best interest of safety for kids. It's a no brainer. I understand it makes talking to certain people (teachers, school counselors) hard, but I agree with @scout86 about not just turning my back on a kid but also continuing to be a support. In the few cases where I was able to still be in touch with the child through the follow through, the outcomes were good for the families involved.

Keep in mind also that most kids don't tell anyone because of their own fear, shame, and possibly confusion. Nobody is helping them. Most reports are made through seeing signs of abuse. And then there is also less to be afraid of if it is looked into because it's not a math teacher trying to save the kid or get messed up too far in their family life, but maybe a math teacher trying to support and care about the kid while others with the right training and resources look into the safety of the home.

I think mandatory obligations cause more negatives than positives. I think they exist to cover arses at higher levels of society, to justify someone's job and salary to make shit up so they can keep that job and salary.

I don't even know what that means. People who are mandated reporters HAVE jobs that often have very little to do with reporting (I've only made a few reports in my career). So this statement is a little insulting, aside from being just ridiculous. Sounds like you're just making shit up, to be honest. Mandated reporters are often the ones working with children. Without mandated reporting, many kids would still be in completely unsafe homes. This isn't about salaries or made-up shit. It's actually pretty real stuff. It's about protecting kids. Does it make other matters difficult? Yes. Are child protective services perfectly response every time? No. This is certainly not a black and white issue aside from the law and the "social contract" sort of agreement that certain licensed adults must report suspected abuse, because they might be the only non-abusive authorities in the child's life who can do anything about it. Nothing shitty about protecting children.

 

[Nam]

I think the more control a victim has in how it's handled will help with reporting. If the victim is a small child, well, then we have to rely on the "system" to find that out. I know several people where there were very big signs of abuse, but it wasn't followed through. In one of them, she would have had 10 years or so of less abuse! Think about that for a moment. Instead, she looks back at the moments when she was older where she could have had said something but didn't. If only that first grade teacher would have followed through....Sigh. It's not perfect, but there has to be something.

 

[Recovery4Me]

What do you personally think, would mandatory obligations affect you seeking help either positively or negatively?

After various incidents where I called 911 for the crazied-x hubby for kicking in my doors, ect and then they took my locked up guns for a few days, I often pondered about calling again.

Then there was the time I went to the ER from one of his DV stalking experiences. After I was given pain meds ect, the police came inside the curtained area and then the state sent me a notice that they were prosecuting him and I had to appear in court. My address was on his court information then for his review.:wtf: I think as I was pretty traumatized in the moment, it was hard to fully embrace that justice would be served later. If he knew where I lived due to the system and could then find me...before hand-it was a toss up.:whistling: Obviously...as I am here posting it all worked out.;)

What if someone came for help and asked for you to keep it confidential - would you oblige? Would you say you would, then report it anyway?, or would you caution the person that sought your help and confidence, that if they told you, you'd report it regardless of their wishes, so think carefully before going further?

I stopped them and told them...to think carefully. I then gave them numbers to contact for further assistance IF they declined to go on because sometimes they needed to review things and then come back. If they persisted, I would stop them and try to guide them into considering alternatives and explain I would have to follow through. I use to be an tax accountant.
Example: "No, I am sorry but your dog is NOT an dependent.":clown:

But as a accounting college teacher it allowed me actually to be more supportive and interact in some incidents, other situations became very tricky to navigate.
Examples of tough calls which may depend on campus, type of campus and state:
Weapons on campus, drugs on campus, talking of suicide (not ideation) during class.

Assisting battered students (as they were older), did not have to be reported if it did not occur on campus. This allowed them to come for help for shelter info, ect. Also if they became homeless, you could ask them to update the info with admin and not report it (fed loans and such). Then the focus could be on helping them find food and shelter and extra help with their studies.

Laws are not the concern for me...the interpretation by the system and the chosen implementation in the moment is my crux of concern for effectiveness.

Great question btw.

 

[littlelotte]

I think the more control a victim has in how it's handled will help with reporting. If the victim is a small child, well, then we have to rely on the "system" to find that out. I know several people where there were very big signs of abuse, but it wasn't followed through. In one of them, she would have had 10 years or so of less abuse! Think about that for a moment. Instead, she looks back at the moments when she was older where she could have had said something but didn't. If only that first grade teacher would have followed through....Sigh. It's not perfect, but there has to be something.

If the councilor had reported my telling her I was being abused, she could have prevented six or more years of abuse along with rape. I don't see how reporting can do more damage than not reporting. It may be more work, but it's the law for a reason.

 

[Bonsiren]

I have mixed feelings about mandatory reporting. Overall, though, I wish the system were better, not gone.

Several attempts to report the sexual abuse I was suffering as a child ended up blowing up in my face: the counselor called CPS, who sent a couple of workers to our door, who then confronted my abuser (biological father) whether or not he was abusing me. He told them I was crazy. They said, "Oh, gosh! I'm so sorry for bothering you. You know those kids, right? Have a great day, sir." Then they left. Guess who got to bear the brunt of the fallout?

One attempt to report two or three years of sexual abuse at the hands of my mother's ex-boyfriend actually went through. I had actually waited until my mother left him and we were safely out of his reach before going to anyone. The ordeal itself was awful: I had to sit in a room with a bunch of middle-aged white men at the age of nine and explain to them all these sexual details my brain didn't fully comprehend. It was humiliating. The case itself fell apart due to "lack of evidence" even though he failed the polygraph. But there never would have been a case if my counselor didn't say something.

Finally, there were times when someone should have reported abuse and never did. Said biological father took me to my pediatrician at nine or ten because of welts on my butt that made it hard for me to sit--welts he put there. My pediatrician asked where the welts came from. He told her, "She just doesn't clean herself thoroughly enough in the shower." (lolwut?) The pediatrician decided that was perfectly normal and never reported anything. Those welts were impossible to heal, by the way, as my underwear kept pulling the scabs off.

I think a lot of it has to do with peoples' discomfort with the abuse of minors. They don't want to think about it, so they don't.

The rest of the fear has to do with the fallout: the situation can spiral out of hand too quickly. CPS and the police are too quick to abandon the investigation and lay the blame at the victims' feet. Not only does it send a message that the victim should be blaming themselves, but it teaches the abuser that no one will help their victim. Maybe CPS and the police are too understaffed or too undertrained. Or both.

I think, in the right hands, it could do a lot of good. But right now, the adults who respond seem to kick the beehive, claim there are no bees, and leave the victim to get stung. It could be so much better.