Relationship Do Reminders Help Your Survivor?

[ldr helper]

Does sending your survivor reminders of how they once felt help or hinder? We are in a long distance relationship so I have so many emails and chat messages that have so many feelings in them, so many wishes for the future.

He is in bit of an isolation right now, but we still talk a little bit. I don't want to hinder his isolation process, but I also want him to remember how he once felt. Just trying to learn more!

THANKS!!!

 

[NikkiNikki]

I dont know if it helps or not...I get to reading a lot of emails and texts from my ex & its really hard to read all those things that were said to me. Stuff I believed and wanted to happen between us...sucks to be told your someone's "soul mate" then dumped out of the blue.

 

[ISupportHer]

Peronally, I think they backfire. Except maybe if they are just occasional.

 

[Learning123]

From my own experience that only reminds them that they have changed and frustrates them that they dont feel that now, or are unable to access those feelings right now. I think the best advice that I can give is listen to what they want, if they want space give it to them, if they truly want to be with you, they will let YOU know. Only my opinion, not fact, hope it helps. I think it is easy to say..."what does a survivor want" when actually it is less generic, it is "what does this person want right now?" what are they telling me they need?

 

[Turtle]

As a sufferer (yes, I personally prefer that term to describe me) I didn't like the reminders. Like Learning123 said, it can be very frustrating. I know my bf was trying to show me that I can have good days and feel good, but really it just reminded me of how much things change, and how quickly, and the lack of control I seem to have over it sometimes. That lack of control was the most frustrating part.

Personally, I liked getting a text from him when I go into shutdown mode and all it said was "@hug". Our way of saying he cares and is there when I'm ready, but without the pressure to be there and be better right away for him. But that was what I needed, and something else might be better for your guy.