Wow! I must say, their has been a lot of responses to this thread. I think you can take something away from each one. I'm hoping I can add something too.
The truth is, breaking up is hard. It doesn't matter if PTSD is in the equation or not. One minute everything seems great the next your world is upside down. You experience a loss and in that loss you grieve. I believe in the process of grieving you look for answers. Whether it's a relationship or death we look for answers to make sense of it. Why do we look so hard for a reason? For me it would be to help ease the pain, acknowledge my mistake to learn from them and to validate the other person and maybe, just maybe validation of my feelings.
For me if I could reach one,two or all it's some closure. As a supporter, I mean no disrespect to anyone. It can be very hard on someone who has no knowledge of PTSD. Not knowing or understanding numbing, isolation or just understanding the stress cup etc. It can make a person seem cold and uncaring.
I know on a daily basis their is someone posting and looking for help. Most of the post are asking the same questions and mine was probably the same.
It's great to see all the different reply's, views and experiences everyone shares. I do think sometimes we forget how it feels to be in the supporter shoes when they share their first post.
That feeling of loss,confusion, anxiety, let's get real ( fight/flight) we aren't understanding boundaries, if they were any in the relationship before now.
I do feel you have a right to know why he was in jail. All the different stories he told you, somewhere is the truth.
Do you feel he's a danger to you in anyway?
I'm not saying he's a bad guy , but I do feel he may have the feeling of shame connected to what happened and needs to feel safe and supported to share it.
If you do get back together, therapy would be the first thing to talk to him about or a first boundary to set.
I do wish you the best and send hugs and support your way.
