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Do you believe in god?

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I used to believe in God and spirituality until my symptoms got really bad and all the answers provided did absolutely nothing or made me feel worse.

Now I don’t know. I feel no connection to God or the universe. I don’t feel like my life has been touched by them in anyway. What I thought was God guiding me was really just different parts of me and emotional flashbacks. That’s not to say that it’s the same for others. I just know the religious/spiritual path doesn’t work for me.
What do you mean by parts, cptsd ?
 
I believe in God, spirituality, and used to believe in the entire Christian religion, but now I’m fading. I could never stop believing in God after many spiritual experiences, and answered prayers. The organized religion side of it, the Bible, etc is where I’m getting lost these days. I used to be zealous but now I don’t see why I need to make other’s believe like I do. It doesn’t make sense that my american christian religion needs to overtake every culture and language for everyone besides people like me to go to heaven. I’m fed up with religious bullshit, of either acting super holy at church and live your regular life the rest of the time, or living in a false delusion that God is everything in your world to literally deny other things existence like trauma, mental illness, etc because “God healed it”. I’m struggling with it. My husband is Christian and doesn’t question much, and he’s easily enamored with Christian bullshit and shame. The only one I know that gets it is my mom and we’re kinda dealing with the same thing at the same time. I don’t want to live a lie, I’d rather be authentic, and broken the way I am, not trying to live a testimony of healing I don’t have.
 
I believe in energies of nature, life, universe. I can't really explain it, but it plays an important part in my life. I do believe that some other presence has been with me and helped me through the most difficult times.
 
No I don't.
I was raised in belief but somewhere by the end of uni, I've finally decided not to pretend before myself and other people, as I found out I simply don't believe.
 
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